Something is seriously wrong

It’s been a tough year. Earlier in the year I was signed off work for 6 weeks then did 6 more weeks part time. Shortly after that, my favourite person left me. I started to feel more positive and a few months later I found a new FP. Things have been up and down in general. At the beginning of December the new FP told me I was a crap friend and hasn’t spoken to me since. I went on holiday the week before Christmas and was really excited about it so maybe I pushed the stuff with my FP to one side. I was so happy on holiday with my wife. We arrived home Christmas Eve and I’ve had the flu ever since. With the flu I seem to have become really mentally unwell. I feel worse than I’ve felt in years. I just cry all the time and I’m completely suicidal. I can’t stand to feel like this much longer. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, I want to sleep all the time so I don’t have to feel this. I don’t know if it’s just everything that happened this year getting on top of me or the flu making me depressed or what, but what if it doesn’t get better? I deleted the phone numbers of all my friends on Boxing Day because I decided no one likes me and all I do is ruin friendships so I didn’t want to give myself the opportunity to contact anyone. Now I feel lonely, although a couple of friends have been in touch. My wife is scared I’m going to kill myself as I’m so depressed. Nothing is appealing, I don’t want to do anything. Just sleep. How do I drag myself out of this? Will it get better?

I’m not even that fussed about my 2nd FP. I miss the first one so much and clearly I was trying to replace her with the 2nd one. I was so close to the first one and I hate that I drove her away. I thought I was over it but lately I keep crying over her.

kah80 wrote:It’s been a tough year. Earlier in the year I was signed off work for 6 weeks then did 6 more weeks part time. Shortly after that, my favourite person left me. I started to feel more positive and a few months later I found a new FP. Things have been up and down in general. At the beginning of December the new FP told me I was a crap friend and hasn’t spoken to me since. I went on holiday the week before Christmas and was really excited about it so maybe I pushed the stuff with my FP to one side. I was so happy on holiday with my wife. We arrived home Christmas Eve and I’ve had the flu ever since. With the flu I seem to have become really mentally unwell. I feel worse than I’ve felt in years. I just cry all the time and I’m completely suicidal. I can’t stand to feel like this much longer. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, I want to sleep all the time so I don’t have to feel this. I don’t know if it’s just everything that happened this year getting on top of me or the flu making me depressed or what, but what if it doesn’t get better? I deleted the phone numbers of all my friends on Boxing Day because I decided no one likes me and all I do is ruin friendships so I didn’t want to give myself the opportunity to contact anyone. Now I feel lonely, although a couple of friends have been in touch. My wife is scared I’m going to kill myself as I’m so depressed. Nothing is appealing, I don’t want to do anything. Just sleep. How do I drag myself out of this? Will it get better?

I’m not even that fussed about my 2nd FP. I miss the first one so much and clearly I was trying to replace her with the 2nd one. I was so close to the first one and I hate that I drove her away. I thought I was over it but lately I keep crying over her.

Hey,

first of all, what is an FP? Secondly, if you are suicidal, please for the love of God call 911 or better 1-800-273-8255. You need to talk to a mental illness professional. Do you have a therapist? I guess you do. If not, it's worth all the money of the world (if he is the right one).

You need to understand that you have to work on yourself. I know of ruined relationships. We can be overwhelming sometimes and this can potentially drive people away. At least some people. People have the right to leave. We too. We can only change ourselves, not the world or the others I mean all this in the kindest way. And you are not alone. You have this forum and you have a wife, which is what matters at the end of the day. Please, promise that you will seek PROFESSIONAL help. Writing here can be catalytic but it is not a therapy session!!!

Love always,
X.

PS Fluoxetine saved my life

There's something seriously wrong... with them.

For the record, I like you and wish you posted more often. Please take care!

kah80 wrote:It’s been a tough year. Earlier in the year I was signed off work for 6 weeks then did 6 more weeks part time. Shortly after that, my favourite person left me. I started to feel more positive and a few months later I found a new FP. Things have been up and down in general. At the beginning of December the new FP told me I was a crap friend and hasn’t spoken to me since. I went on holiday the week before Christmas and was really excited about it so maybe I pushed the stuff with my FP to one side. I was so happy on holiday with my wife. We arrived home Christmas Eve and I’ve had the flu ever since. With the flu I seem to have become really mentally unwell. I feel worse than I’ve felt in years. I just cry all the time and I’m completely suicidal. I can’t stand to feel like this much longer. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, I want to sleep all the time so I don’t have to feel this. I don’t know if it’s just everything that happened this year getting on top of me or the flu making me depressed or what, but what if it doesn’t get better? I deleted the phone numbers of all my friends on Boxing Day because I decided no one likes me and all I do is ruin friendships so I didn’t want to give myself the opportunity to contact anyone. Now I feel lonely, although a couple of friends have been in touch. My wife is scared I’m going to kill myself as I’m so depressed. Nothing is appealing, I don’t want to do anything. Just sleep. How do I drag myself out of this? Will it get better?

I’m not even that fussed about my 2nd FP. I miss the first one so much and clearly I was trying to replace her with the 2nd one. I was so close to the first one and I hate that I drove her away. I thought I was over it but lately I keep crying over her.

If you are suicidal, I would also recommend that you go to the nearest ER. I would also highly recommend that you look into professional therapy and DBT treatment, if affordable. Coping mechanisms are extremely beneficial in times of distress as you are unable to regulate emotions like many of us (emotional dysfunction is part of the BPD).

That way, you can earn to cope with it rather than inflict self-harm to feel "alive." Note that what you are going through is common among us - there is nothing "wrong" with you as a person, your brain is just wired to think differently. Your wife is sticking by your side through these difficult times, so you have a cheerleader, along with the rest of us! Through this "episode," you will learn more about yourself, grow, and strengthen yourself from another episode. You can do this!

patientxgreece wrote:first of all, what is an FP? Secondly, if you are suicidal, please for the love of God call 911 or better <a href="tel:1-800-273-8255">1-800-273-8255</a>. You need to talk to a mental illness professional. Do you have a therapist? I guess you do. If not, it's worth all the money of the world (if he is the right one).

You need to understand that you have to work on yourself. I know of ruined relationships. We can be overwhelming sometimes and this can potentially drive people away. At least some people. People have the right to leave. We too. We can only change ourselves, not the world or the others I mean all this in the kindest way. And you are not alone. You have this forum and you have a wife, which is what matters at the end of the day. Please, promise that you will seek PROFESSIONAL help. Writing here can be catalytic but it is not a therapy session!!!

Love always,
X.

PS Fluoxetine saved my life

FP= favourite person. I’m not in the US so can’t phone that number, but I have been calling a helpline that my work provide. And I do have a therapist, but haven’t seen her for 3 weeks over Christmas.

perejil wrote:There's something seriously wrong... with them.

For the record, I like you and wish you posted more often. Please take care!

aww thank you. I like you too.

dazn153 wrote:If you are suicidal, I would also recommend that you go to the nearest ER. I would also highly recommend that you look into professional therapy and DBT treatment, if affordable. Coping mechanisms are extremely beneficial in times of distress as you are unable to regulate emotions like many of us (emotional dysfunction is part of the BPD).

That way, you can earn to cope with it rather than inflict self-harm to feel "alive." Note that what you are going through is common among us - there is nothing "wrong" with you as a person, your brain is just wired to think differently. Your wife is sticking by your side through these difficult times, so you have a cheerleader, along with the rest of us! Through this "episode," you will learn more about yourself, grow, and strengthen yourself from another episode. You can do this!

Thank you, it’s just hard when people keep leaving me.

I’m feeling a little better than last week, but I had a setback today. Will probably post about it shortly.

Thanks for all the kind words.

Hey kah80
Sorry that its all getting on top of you ..when things "stack up" like that it is hard to figure out which to "fix/sort out first ...recently had the tumble myself ...so i hear ya

As you know there is a lot of ups and downs in everyday life which is hard enough but when it "stacks" it feels like there is no way out

(i know from personal experience and so do most here) so your not alone

try and get your therapist apt asap

Support is here for you as you know

I recently drove off my own FP, I feel your pain. Hopefully time will heal both of us.

Sooooo, I am happy to hear that you are going better! I know how bad it is when you are away from your therapist. Hopefully you get to see him soon!

One of my FP told me that she can't listen to my pain anymore btw. I felt instantly abandoned. But I don't care about it anymore. This happened yesterday.

Thanks for everyone’s support. I’m feeling a lot better this week.

Patientxgreece- sorry to hear about your FP. I am firmly of the belief after my experiences that FPs don’t work. If I find it happening with someone else, I intend to run away quickly.

kah80 wrote:Thanks for everyone’s support. I’m feeling a lot better this week.

Patientxgreece- sorry to hear about your FP. I am firmly of the belief after my experiences that FPs don’t work. If I find it happening with someone else, I intend to run away quickly.

Im glad your feeling better/stronger this week
and i like that you are saying it yourself (self reflections are important)

ive noticed recently myself that i had to remove a few of the negative people from my life (ones that pull me down) and thankfully so far they have listened.

Im not a "follower" i like my own Independent thoughts and actions. (acquaintances/friends) im meaning though. not loved ones or FP.

You seem to know what "works" for you.
and its ok to think of your self too you know (i think some of us forget that)

glad your feeling good