Punishing

I always feel very undeserving and that I need to punish myself because I'm worthless.
It's even hard to type this, because like who am I to deserve any answers or comments. It's really hard, because I constantly feel like I shouldn't do anything for myself beyond the necessities of every day life.

Force yourself to do small stuff for yourself. i cleaned my wardrobe and got new pens. earlier i'd think a lot if i needed a pen. but not now. i also shave each morning. it's a good motivation.

i've realized that my mind isnt my biggest ally here. it's working against me. so i do stuff for myself. it's just like we take medicine even though our taste buds hate it. i try to do stuff for myself like travel in taxi rather than public transport (here taxi isn't so expensive and public transport is super crowded).

earlier i'd even not turn on air conditioner to save money. no more of doing that now.

realizing the mind is ur enemy helps.

I feel this way a lot as well. It's a lot easier for me to look at others and understand why they deserve x, y, and z, but much harder to determine how I can possibly deserve the same. When my inner self starts talking about how worthless I am, I imagine I'm an "ideal friend" to my inner self. If someone else, like a small child, came to you beating themself up, would you join right in, "you're right, you are worthless." Treat yourself and try consoling yourself like you would someone else. You are worthy, because you exist, and that worthiness has automatically been bestowed upon you, and me, and everyone else. All those other messages have been conditioned in you, they aren't real, and your mind is being a jerk like jaus tail said.

"Worthless"... What an awful thing to think about yourself. Believing that there are people in this world who have no value as a person or even less value than others is a fallacy. Here's a quote from my longtime friend Mr. Rogers:

"You make each day a special day. You know how, by just your being you. There's only one person in this whole world like you. And people can like you exactly as you are."

And that's the truth.

Estrela wrote:I always feel very undeserving and that I need to punish myself because I'm worthless.

I've often felt that way too. I don't know if this helps, but try looking at it this way: whatever your flaws are (and we all have them), mentally beating yourself up like this will only weaken you and make you more likely to screw up again. You get caught in the cycle of self hatred, pain, and self destructive behaviors that temporarily alleviate that pain only to bring you back to... self hatred. It's counterproductive. Taking a more forgiving approach will put you in a position to improve yourself and pull yourself out of this rut.

So maybe give yourself a break.