Irritated with Children

I am not sure what is going on, I know I am codependent on my daughter who has very scary similarities to my own. I miss her so much when she is gone to college, when she comes home and starts talking to me, I lose interest within a few minutes. I just want to tell her "shut up" I have heard enough. I never do that, I am interested but isn't there a condensed version she can tell me? I am so eager for her to listen to me, or just stop talking.
I do everything for her, she's 21 I still clean her room do her laundry wash dishes while she relaxes on the couch. I get so mad at her for being so lazy if she tries to help me though, it's wrong and I have to redo whatever she done and it hurts her feelings. She comes home a couple times during the week so I don't feel so alone. can you project this onto your kids, never want them to leave but when they are home they make you crazy and want them to leave? This mixed emotions (and my daughter is about the only person I have emotions aside from anger)
If someone asks why do you do that for her I realize I am complaining and how "stupid" it must sound. I never want her to feel unloved or unwanted.
any suggestions?

It just sounds like untreated BPD on both sides to me, which would explain your dependence on each other. Are you both getting any kind of help or therapy?

I don't really agree with oceane's inference. This sounds like the most normal thing ever. It can be sad when you see people starting to move in a new direction in their lives no matter what your relation is to them because you're scared they'll forget about you and you want to keep the shared bond. Sometimes the bond stays strong, but the relationship dynamic changes.

I don't know if I have any good advice really. I'm not a parent and I don't know you or your kid. I think that sometimes kids need "tough love" and should be left to figure things out on their own and learn how to do they're own chores and manage responsibilities and other times they need some support, emotional or otherwise, because they're going through a rough patch. And sometimes they're in that rebellious stage when they want you to think that they hate you, but they don't. So... yeah.

My parents kicked me out of the house as soon I finished high school which was good for all of our mental health I think. I wish I had a bit more time to get a job and a place lined up, but oh well. The word "family" means different things to different people and I think that's okay.

I cannot imagine her not being in my life, at the same time I feel like I am keeping her from growing up and she is learning my "bad habits" the fact I cannot maintain a relationship, the anger the self destruction. Like me, she doesn't want any medication or treatment. I do but I am 45 years old now and still alone. How do I start to be a "real role model?" when I hear her say, "i like to come home and am not going to stop" I know what she is saying, this is her safety nest and cannot leave.