Should I try to be patient?

I am very confused right now..
I had a crush on someone for quite some time and it happened that we started to get to know each other. The main problem is, that I really like him and I want to spend much time with him, share my thoughts and everything with him. But he has no such desire because we only see each other every two weeks or something like that. When we see each other it is always quite intense and I didn't have such strong feelings for anybody for a long time. He seems to be 100% committed, always remembers things we talked about and it seems that he can keep the "connection" when we are apart. But for me it is different because when he is gone it feels like everything around me gets dark, I can't feel him and don't know if there is anything between us. It feels like it was only a dream and nothing real.
To add to this general problem: I am convinced that if I can feel so much when being with someone, it means he also has "emotional issues" because otherwise there wouldn't be that strong connection (it is hard to explain why, but I think it has something to do with symbiosis). My first impression was that he is schizoid because he can't keep eye contact, has strong logical thoughts, loves philosophy, has the ability to know his boundaries and always keeps them and doesn't show any emotions and he doesn't like to talk about himself (he talks about his issues in a theoretical and abstract sense like it doesn' t concern him personally). But I am quite sure that he has no full blown "personality disorder" because he has friends, likes social contact, is interested in other persons (but I assume that interest is like being interested in reading books) and he has a longterm relationship with a girl (4 years) but it is a long-distance relationship.
We never talked much about this situation because I don't want to be his girlfriend and I don't care much about her because it seems like two different worlds to me. But it bothers me, that he doesn't have the desire to see me more often. When we talk about us, he says things like it is a "process", he can't categorize things for himself and that he likes the feeling of not knowing how things will turn out...When I am with him I can't be mad because it doesn't feel like he is being untruthful but when I am alone I am mad at him because he has his secure state of a relationship and can of course enjoy the risk of getting to know somebody else.
And now I don't know what to do because I tend to quit things when I can't control or categorize them.. On the other hand I enjoy spending time with him and I am quite sure that (if I stick around and be patient) he will get more attached to me. It seems like he's testing me if I want to keep up with him (he always says that he can't believe that I am or anyone is interested in him). It feels like he needs much time to trust someone and spend more time with someone and I am on the opposite end, because I want everything right now and when I am secure I get easily bored or I feel threatend...
Did you ever be patient with someone who can't committ in the way you want them to or do you quit the relationship immediately (and regret it afterwards)?

i haven't quit relationships but

i've blocked people and regretted blocking them a few months ago
i've quit jobs and regretted them a lot
i've quit studies and regret it immediately

i guess the impulsive decisions are worst.

i had issues with one friend who would at times act as if he's doing a favor on my by hanging out with me. so i cut out from him.

but it doesnt have to be a 'quit' decision.

maybe reduce the time you spend with me. dont cut him from your life completely. if you enjoy hanging out with him then go ahead and do it. but if you think he is using you or isnt much interested then maybe reduce contact.

dont cut out the friendship all together, just reduce the number of calls you make or times you meet. maybe let it happen gradually.

I guess it is hard to cope with this feeling of "not knowing" what will happen...I feel a constant pressure and stress because of that...not knowing when and if he will get in contact with me again. He always says "see you soon"...but when is SOON...I really hate it.
Very often I just quit such undefined relationships because of that "pressure"...and I hate it because you have to let people go who are really worth sticking around...but otherwise I can't concentrate on other things anymore and I don't know how to get rid of this constant pressure in my chest .
The best way would be to talk to him about it, but being patient until we see each other again is really hard. And I am afraid that I am so content and happy when I just see him again that I "forget" to talk about it because I don't want to ruin this pleasury moment. Do you know that kind of behavior? And sometimes I think he should get attached to me too, so I can quit and it hurts him, too...It's ###$ up but I want him to care . And I don't know if I want him to be emotionally involved or if it would be ok for me if he just would spend more time with me?
Reducing contact is not really a solution for me, I guess...then it feels like I don't see him ever and would get even more confused what kind of relationship it is.

i understand. i had two friends and i got along with them very well. it's like we would complete each others sentences. but i always appeared to be the needy one. it was always i who made the first phone call.

i'd miss them a lot, and i'm not sure if it's the same with them.

Very often I just quit such undefined relationships because of that "pressure"...and I hate it because you have to let people go who are really worth sticking around

with time even the thickest friends lose touch. it's only in greeting cards where people stay in touch forever. also i now value character over personality. its okay to have few good friends. i'd rather have friends who i am sure about than friends with whom i get along well but am not sure if i can call them at any hour.

...but otherwise I can't concentrate on other things anymore and I don't know how to get rid of this constant pressure in my chest .

i understand. it saps a lot of the mental energy.

The best way would be to talk to him about it, but being patient until we see each other again is really hard. And I am afraid that I am so content and happy when I just see him again that I "forget" to talk about it because I don't want to ruin this pleasury moment. Do you know that kind of behavior?

yeah. whenever i would get together with the friend i'd think 'forget the grudges and enjoy the moment'

And sometimes I think he should get attached to me too, so I can quit and it hurts him, too...It's ###$ up but I want him to care .

i understand this and i also wish my friends cared more of me. but i guess they are too busy with their own lives and it's okay. i try to be okay about it but i also wish they'd call or text me at least sometimes.

Letting it go helps. It's only in sitcoms where people stay friends forever. in reality people move on. their priorities change (friendship to career to family to new friends). it hurts to realize that we're stuck. that we're the emotionally needy person. i'm okay with it.

talking with myself helps. at times i talk to myself in the room as if there is a third person sitting before me. that helps release the thoughts.

Omg this is so me. Like, everything you just said. It's this strong feeling of wanting to go in opposite directions at the same time at full speed. You want someone romantically or as a friend so badly that you feel it physically when you are in conversational or feelings limbo, that you decide you have to cut it off for your own sake. But then you have to worry whether or not you're being impulsive....ugh.

The funny thing is, non-pd people are quitting relationships too, but they seem to be confident in their decision to do so.
I miss people all the time or idealize the past.
I even think about people whom I barely did know at the time and I remember all my ex-boyfriends (I keep all memory things, like photos and letters) although I know that at the time we were together I wasn't that much into them ...They mean more to me as some kind of memory...it is weird.

silentglow wrote:I miss people all the time or idealize the past.
I even think about people whom I barely did know at the time and I remember all my ex-boyfriends (I keep all memory things, like photos and letters) although I know that at the time we were together I wasn't that much into them ...They mean more to me as some kind of memory...it is weird.

I relate to this a lot.

The funny thing is, non-pd people are quitting relationships too, but they seem to be confident in their decision to do so.

i guess even they struggle but with them they have better coping mechanisms. nons make friends easily or they have strong family/friend circle. so for them it's easy to find emotional support.

I miss people all the time or idealize the past.
I even think about people whom I barely did know at the time and I remember all my ex-boyfriends (I keep all memory things, like photos and letters) although I know that at the time we were together I wasn't that much into them ...They mean more to me as some kind of memory...it is weird.

i am like this. at my earlier firm, i wouldnt get along well with any colleague n i'd have lunch alone. but now that i left the office, i miss the colleagues now. strange. but i know if i meet them, i'd again get awkward and struggle to make a conversation.

I am in almost exactly the same situation (only she's not in a relationship with someone else). She was divorced earlier this year though, so I understand her perspective more. It's nice to know someone else feels like this too though, and it's not just me (because she's told me that it is just me and no one else is like that). I feel like being apart from her really is being separated, and she doesn't. She's put me on hold for a month, and it's torture for me. She doesn't understand why it's so hard though and thinks I'm just being too sensitive...
I don't know what to tell you except that I think communication is always beneficial (which is why not communicating like that is so hard). I think asking questions of him is good so you can understand his perspective,and make sure he understands yours. I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do, but maybe that's just because I'm feeling the same way...

Ha. Your thread title reminded me of this quote by George Jackson:

"Patience has it's limits. Take it too far and it's cowardice."

To answer your question: I don't know.