Feeling out of control!

Ugh.. I hate this feeling so much, I've been having so many different moods for the past couple weeks.. It seems like I can't just stay happy and it's really getting to me now. I feel so alone, like I have friends but I get so needy and then I start pushing my friends away and stay by myself. I just wish for once that I can find somebody who will just take me as I am. I've been dealing with feeling happy one minute and sad the next .. I can't take it anymore! One of the reasons I feel so alone is because I don't have enough support or at least it doesn't seem good enough for me sometimes.. People try to help me but I push them all away. I did get a job though yesterday, so I am happy about that, but yet at the same time I still feel so low. I've felt this way ever since my ex and I broke up. These feelings are awful and so consuming.. I wish I had somebody to talk to or spend time with. Sorry for the rant.

Me too. :/

Hey stormy, great to hear about your new job. I hope that really helps you keep your mind off the bad stuff. If you need someone to talk to, I imagine you came to the right place!

I understand the pushing people away thing. I seem to actively sabotage any type of relationship I have. I also understand the "support doesn't seem good enough sometimes thing." I feel like I'm always looking for chinks in the armor, you know? Someone could say "I love you" to me, and I could always find fault with it somehow. Emotions definitely feel out of control...

Is your mood primarily affected by your breakup?

You've been given an incredible gift if a friend puts up with a BPD mood swing and still keeps being supportive. Have an amazing friend who kicked my ass for contact for almost 2 years, every few months, when I had a very bad period in my life. Always there and supporting. Even when you have that one special person, and you know you shouldn't feel alone, you still do.

i'm not sure if attention of many different people works for other people with BPD, but if there's at least one person who you can talk to at a given moment or relatively near to it, you are never alone. I always keep reminding myself about this fact while the loneliness sets in.

Do not want to hijack this thread or make it about myself, but sometimes making use of all the negative energy to write something positive helps, even ever so slightly.

Hello thank you guys for taking the time to reply to me it really means a lot honestly! I'm sorry that I didn't reply right away I had my first day of training yesterday and I've been very sleepy lately.. Firstly Digitize I am so glad somebody does.. and I totally understand the finding chinks in the armor thing. I over analyze every single thing people say to me it is incredibly maddening, the "I love you" thing I've experienced many times.. It makes it very hard to keep relationships when I doubt everything somebody says for the most part (not intentionally) Also I would say yes.. I dated my ex boyfriend for 7 years and we were off and on mostly due to our lack of communication, trust and he also had cheated on me a few times.. I loved him with all my heart but after all he had put me through (this year is the time we've officially been done) I have really taken it super hard.. The abandonment issues are definitely coming up for me and making me extremely insecure and very moody lately. I suspected he could have been a narc.I really cannot say that because I'm not a psychiatrist, but he had a lot of traits. Our relationship did work in a lot of ways, but he would sometimes leave me out of the blue or the cheating for example.. It was good when it was good, but the lows were like hell. I'm trying to really heal from this break up but the feeling of being alone is making it extremely difficult. I'm also dealing with a very difficult mother who I also think has NPD.. I have posted it in another thread if you'd like to look.. Anyways thank again so much for understanding and taking the time to listen.

Heathen, I really agree with you. I have lost a couple friends due to my mood swings and clingyness. I think it's very hard for people to handle and I don't blame them because I can hardly deal with it myself. That's great to hear that you do have that one person that is there for you to listen. I think my problem is once people do try to care for me or get close I kind of get upset because I'm not sure if I can trust them even though I desperately want to.. it hurts them and myself. That is very true I have few good friends that I can rely on and we both take our turns of taking breaks.. One of my very good friends just got back into contact with me after years of not speaking (not a fight but just lifee) I couldn't ask for more of a better friend and we have similar issues so we go back in forth sometimes. It definitely does help.. I miss him though, we haven't been talking for a few days. You are certainly right it does help.. I am feeling a little bit better today because one of my friends are coming into town and we're catching up so I am looking forward to that.. I've been really trying to force myself to get out there even though I don't feel like it most of the time and some of my friends get offended and I don't like to hurt their feelings but I just can't handle it sometimes. I just wish I had more people I can talk to about some of these certain issues. :/ There are only certain people I can open up to about these topics and some people don't really know how to handle it. or make me feel worse. I don't have a counselor atm so it has been very hard because they can only help so much. I really appreciate your reply thank you.

I'm sorry if this is long.. I really would like new friends to chat with on here as well.. I am new here.