Do I have BPD? (Q+A)

This thread is for people to post questions about whether they might have BPD.

Here are the current list of criteria for someone to be diagnosed with BPD as far as we know.
Every person is different

The 9 symptoms of BPD

1.Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.
2.Unstable relationships. ...
3.Unclear or unstable self-image. ...
4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ...
5.Self-harm. ...
6.Extreme emotional swings. ...
7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. ...
8.Explosive anger.
9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ment ... sorder.htm

Be aware that people can also have traits of BPD without having a full diagnosis and that those traits can still significantly impact their life. It is not necessary for someone to have a diagnosis to post here- anyone is welcome to post, so long as they are respectful.

Please keep in mind that no-one here can diagnose you (or your friend/family member/significant other). We can share our own experiences and what we can relate to though.

Thank you
The mod team

Good idea.

gately wrote:Good idea.

Thank you
Wasnt my idea so i cant take the credit for it.

yes i agree, great idea all in one thread, makes navigation to information, answer and support from other members easier to find.

I'm so glad you posted this, because I have been wondering what is wrong with me for a long time now I've always had really bad mood swings and I just heard of BPD last year.. so here if anybody wouldn't mind giving me your thoughts.

The 9 symptoms of BPD

1.Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.
I do hate being alone.. I realized even as far as 13 whenever my boyfriend or a boy I was seeing would leave me I felt like my whole world was crushed.. I wanted to die like right at that moment. I've had similar issues with my family as well, but I noticed it more with men.
2.Unstable relationships. ... Yes and yes.. my relationships change like the wind.. I can love somebody one moment and then they do one small thing it can be a weird comment or even doing something by accident that hurt me I was go in a complete rage and then I cry or lock myself in my room.. and then once I cool off I can be fine and then I'll be okay with that person again after a few hours sometimes even minutes.
3.Unclear or unstable self-image. ... I have a pretty unclear self image.. my style changes at least every week sometimes depending on who I'm hanging out with and sometimes my opinions even change.. This one bothers me the most actually.
4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ... I am pretty impulsive.. Sometimes I can fly in to a complete rage over something very minor to somebody else.. I remember one time my ex boyfriend was talking with his ex girlfriend and I found out and instead of confronting him I just unfriended him! Looking back now that sounds crazy but my emotions were going out of whack.. When I calmed down I finally said I was sorry and tried to talk to him, but he was clearly mad and he said that I behaved like a child for doing that..
5.Self-harm. ... I used to self harm when I was mostly younger.. mostly cutting. When I turned 20 I had a very traumatic relationship that opened all my childhood wounds and started again, but then I forced myself to stop.. Now I just pinch myself if I get the urge.
6.Extreme emotional swings. ... As I stated above.. I got diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety when I was 12, but I haven't went back for awhile because I'm scared to go! I have mood swings at least every 2 hours sometimes.. Happy, quiet, sad, rage.. then the cycle continues.
7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. ... Always.. it's so terrifying. It's usually when I'm alone I feel it the most.. No matter what I'm doing the feeling always comes back.
8.Explosive anger. Very much so.. It never used to be too bad, but it's more worse now than when I was a teenager.
9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. Yes I do feel that way sometimes.. I will be just hanging out in my room and then I start feeling this overwhelming feeling and I find I just kind space out and I'll think for ever.. and the suspicious part is a big one I barely trust anyone at all, even though I desperately want to.

1.Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.

I don't fear being alone, actually I kind of prefer just having some time to myself. However, sometimes I have thoughts of my loved ones dying and I start crying, so maybe a bit of a fear of abandonment?

2.Unstable relationships.

Not as much as I used to, I think. When I'm angry at someone I've told them to get out of my face, but it's not from a "I hate you, don't leave!" dynamic.

3.Unclear or unstable self-image.

A tad. My self-image is pretty stable, but sometimes my opinions of certain things oscillate around.

4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.

Not really impulsive or self-destructive. Not going to say I never act impulsively, but as a general rule no.

5.Self-harm.

Nope

6.Extreme emotional swings.

I wouldn't call them extreme, but I am a bit moody. I tend to tell people around me that it's not them and to just leave me alone when I'm feeling like this.

7.Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Nope, although sometimes I can feel lonely because I don't have many friends.

8.Explosive anger.

Not so much lately, but in the past yeah. Throw things around, punch walls, scream...I've done it. My motivation was to get the person I was arguing with to leave me alone.

9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

Duuuude, I'm always suspicious! Well, somewhat so. If someone just comes up to me and is super friendly, I always wonder what their angle is. Things like that.

I think I have some BPD tendencies, but I don't have BPD, at least not any longer.

Hi!

So, I've come here to see if you guys can answer a few questions... if that's okay, if not I apologize.

A little context first... My first diagnosis was BPD when I was 19/20, then years later I had a psychotic break and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Then later that diagnosis changed to schizoaffective with maybe BPD. That pdoc was probably right, but he was very neglectful so I ditched him, found another pdoc that diagnosed me with Bipolar I with psychotic features. I have a lot of trauma, in childhood and adulthood and have been treating it in therapy, which I've been going to for more than a year now. My therapist doesn't like to pathologize but he's hinted that I have BPD features.

Since I was very young when I was first diagnosed I kinda went in denial and didn't even look up the symptoms but since I trust this therapist now, I'm looking into it and found here and in other places that I have all the traits... well, I no longer self harm, but still have suicidal thoughts even when I'm not depressed and the emptiness feeling is overwhelming at times, although I'm still very functional.. When I'm depressed I can't do basically anything, but that's not that common anymore since I started therapy.

I have a few questions then...

I read research into BPD and psychosis and read a case of a girl who was diagnosed with BP1 with psychotic features with grandiose delusions (like I had) and later the psychosis subsided and she was just diagnosed with BPD. Is this familiar to you in any way or it's one of those "just a misdiagnosis" case, in your opinion? I haven't had psychotic symptoms for over a year, exactly since I started therapy.

So, is Bipolar and Borderline commonly diagnosed together or they're so similar that it's impossible to tell which is which? I know that two symptoms of BPD are the hallmarks to distinguish the two disorders, but since I have them and know people with BP that have them, it's not very convicing, I prefer first hand accounts.

Is it common for symptoms to subside with time? I'm 30 now and I mellowed a lot in the past year with therapy. I'm still angry a lot, but no longer explode, it's more like I'm angry at myself now. I still have impulses but don't act on them (hardly ever.. lol). I'm much more leveled externally at least, but internally my emotions are still all over the place.

Last question.. Do you think these issues are worth taking to my psychiatrist or I'm just wasting my time trying to go back to the past to a misdiagnosis?

Thanks in advance and I'm sorry for the long post.

Minnii wrote: I have a few questions then...

I don't really know anything about the case of the girl who may or may not have been misdiagnosed. But if someone no longer shows psychotic symptoms for x amount of time then I think it would be reasonable to assume that a diagnosis for psychotic would no longer apply.

As far as BP vs BPD, they share similarities, but they're distinguished mainly by the fact that BP involves prolonged mood swings while BPD is pretty much emotional instability / sensitivity. And I think symptoms can definitely subside with time. I'm not nearly as angry and unstable as I was four short years ago. BPD is considered by some to be the "good prognosis diagnosis" because there was some study or other which found there was a 90% remission rate.

Hm. Your last question... Personally I feel that getting the right diagnosis isn't as important as getting the right treatment. If you feel that your current treatment isn't helping for whatever reason then I think you should consult your psychiatrist. It doesn't seem necessary to me otherwise.

Oh! And I wanted to add that I don't see why BP and BPD would be either one or the other. I don't have bipolar disorder (manic depression) but I do have clinical depression and BPD (plus some anxiety (GAD) sprinkled on top).

ilovenin wrote:Personally I feel that getting the right diagnosis isn't as important as getting the right treatment, you know? If you feel that your current treatment isn't helping for whatever reason then I think you should consult your psychiatrist. It doesn't seem necessary to me otherwise.

Thank you for taking the time to answer.
I think you're right, it's the same conclusion I came to...

The current treatment I'm getting is basically therapy first and foremost and a low dose of medication just to make sure I keep myself calm and stable-ish, although the depression, suicidal ideation and mood instability is still present, just not the explosive anger.

My therapist doesn't pathologize, and the treatment I'm doing (IFS) is good for BPD, and we do deal a lot with what I'm now seeing as what might be BPD symptoms on a regular basis, when we're not dealing with past trauma.

Therapy and meds are indeed helping, so there is really no reason to bring it up, unless I do want the label, which I don't really care about that much.

Thanks again

I'm 19,female, and i've been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. Im on antidepressants and while i struggle with suicidal tendencies i am getting better. I dealt with slight abuse and trauma growing up so i fear it may be impacting me mentally.
I thought i had bpd in the past but i am against self diagnosis, but i cant go to therapy anymore because it got too expensive so i couldnt ask them about it. Its been 2 years since ive last gone.

1.Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.

I often feel like abandonment is inevitable, so much that i prevent myself from forming close attachments to others so it wont hurt as much when they leave me. I never expect anyone to stay around and it makes me feel incapable of being loved. It hurts so much when someone i care about leaves me that i would rather die. So i chose not to grow attached instead.

2.Unstable relationships. ...

I become so desperate for people to like me that i build up this false personality based on what they like, but eventually i lose shape of it and because unpredictable. I have random mood shifts and end up taking it out on others or isolating myself and a few relationships have ended because i hurt them or i was unable to accept help when offered.
3.Unclear or unstable self-image. ...

I feel like im two people attached together, i fight with myself a lot. I can switch between lethargic and easy going to neat and hypercritical in a second. Or from being an extrovert who needs people to someone who cant stand them. I hate myself because of it.

4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ...

I am prone to impulsive spending. And i enjoy the rush of buying lots of things at once. I do things because they make me happy at the moment instead of thinking about the after effects. And if something makes me happy i continue to obsess over it until it hurts me. Even then, sometimes i find it difficult to stop because "it feels good".

5.Self-harm. ...

Yes. But i have gone very long without doing it.

6.Extreme emotional swings. ...

I was diagnosed as bipolar when i first went to the therapist because of how quickly i can cheer myself up or fall into extreme depression. My feelings towards my friends switch between love and irritation, and i can get extremely attached to things only to lose interest quickly.

7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. ..

I have horrible depression. I hate living because i feel so hopeless about anyone accepting me for being like this, i do my best to hide my true feelings because i know how destructive i can get, and ive hurt so many people for being like this. I wish i could die and be reborn as someone normal.

8.Explosive anger.

Terrible anger. I could blame it on my mom for yelling at me so often as a child, but when im feeling terrible i explode randomly, yelling at my dogs for being loud, throwing things, breaking things when i have meltdowns. I isolate myself so i dont hurt anyone else, and it only happens when im alone, but ive hurt myself very badly before because of it. I can control it better than when i was younger. But its unbearable sometimes. I dont think i could ever raise kids like this, i fear i'll treat them like my mother treated me.

9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

I feel like im not in the same room as my surroundings, like im floating or in a dream, only after touching a few things around me am i able to ground myself, and i can usually continue talking to people but i dont always remember what was said.

This is the first time i spoke to anyone about being like this. Im afraid if anyone close to me finds out they'll hate me or view me differently. I dont know what to do. I want to know how others like me can still find happiness in life.

I am currently under a psychiatrist receiving therapy I was diagnosed with 'emotional dysregulation' also a 'depressive episode' back in February this year. Take from that what you will because I still have no clue what that means or meant.

1.Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone

I become paranoid and talk myself into honestly believing he's going to leave me. I find myself asking him what he's doing on his phone because in my mind I believe he's planning to leave me. When he plans to see his friends/family I check his wardrobe when hes left to see if his clothes are still there (even though I watched him leave without a bag)
I become paranoid if family members don't reply back to me straight away I start to feel I have done something so terrible that they will never talk to me again. I get moments when I strongly believe that everyone talks behind my back and that they are planning to cut me out of their lives. I even have moments and horrid dreams that my dogs will be taken from me and I will be left alone.
Even with all that to deal with I can be sat in a room full of people and still feel the only person there.

2.Unstable relationships:

Well I struggled in school with friendships and still today that hasn't changed. Trusting people I find is a huge part to play in that I've always struggled to trust. You can never really know someone.....as for personal relationships what a battle they all have been. All of my relationships with boyfriends have been chaotic, whirlwindy, toxic messes. I do not cope and I have never been able to cope with arguments with partners. I absolutely blow up like a fizzed bottle of pop I have a short fuse. But I find that after I always cry but I never actually feel sorry. I always feel that they shouldn't of started me off. I over idolise partners for a period of time and then I completely shut down all feelings towards them like I never even knew them. I do this with partners and family members also.

3.Unclear or unstable image of self:

So it can be from hour to hour or week to week even month to month I go from wanting to change my whole look. Fake nails, make up, dye hair, change dress sense. One time I'm looking glamed up the next I'm ready to go camping. I go from going out alot and being around people to shutting myself away and ignoring the world completely. There seems to be no middle ground in anything I do. I can agree on something now but by tomorrow I've most likely changed my opinion on the same subject. At times I find myself caring about others and then at other times I wouldn't care if they was in some kind of tragic accident. It's actually really confusing to be in my mind.

4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviours:

I impulse buy items and/or shoplift even if I have the money I will shoplift I have the urge to. I have done that since being a teenager actually. I become addicted to things such as e.g colouring so I found I enjoyed it so I went out and got as many adult colouring books I could and all the different types of felt tips/pencils/markers you name it. I have so many I could spend the next 100 years colouring and still wouldn't be finished I'm sure. Also substance abuse cannabis usually, I dont smoke it regularly anymore but when I'm on 'self destruct' mode I turn to that. I know I shouldn't, I am still working on it. I don't drink but when I do it's never planned and always on impulse and I drink myself into another world on those occassions. Also I've been known to get piercings, tattoos, hair cuts/ dyed, spend all my rent/bills money all on impulse.

5.Self harm:

When I was 15 I cut my wrists superficially and twice during adulthood I've tried to take an overdose bit was stopped both times.

6.Extreme emotional swings:

Yes very much so I'm always being told by family members that my moods are unpredictable. It's no wonder I get extreme feelings of loneliness actually. I do find that people irratate me I became easily impatient aswel. I swing from happiness to anger to sorrow all within the hour some days. It's actually very tiring and sometones I just want to run from myself.


7.Chronic feelings of emptiness

Since I was a teenager I can remember feeling empty inside always asking myself and trying to find a reason as to why I'm even here. Trying to fill the void and even to this day I still feel empty.

8.Explosive anger:

Okay so anger is a big thing with me I find, what seems like a small issue to my partner turns out to be a huge thing to me for instance; I like to get things done today and he's a guy who just thinks tomorrow is fine to get things done. Not on my watch I loose it completely if he gets in the way of my plan to the point an argument erupts and we split up over it.
He always says I over exaggerate a situation he clearly doesn't understand the depth of my mind. I've smashed household things up and been verbally abusive throughout relationships.


9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality:

I am extremely suspicious at times I find it hard not to act on my suspicions aswel. I sometimes volunteer in a shop depending how I am and one of the workers mesaged me to ask me if I would be going in.....I found myself asking that person why they where messaging and that I didn't like them checking up on me. My partner told me that it was normal to be asked when I'm next in the shop. I still true believe that they where checking up up on me.
I am suspicious when relatives message me to ask how I am. Straight away my mind is thinking why are they asking, what do that want.

I struggle every single day with what ever is wrong or not wrong with the way I am. I push people away that try to get close but then get agitated/angry if I'm shown little/no interest. I feel like a big confusing moody mess that never really knows what she's doing from one day to the next. I feel mixed emotions all the time it's exhausting. I'm glad to of found this forum to know I'm not the only one who's suffering/living.