Do I have BPD? (Q+A)

I have been diagnosed with ROCD, but I've been concerned about BPD. Although, I haven't brought it up with my counselor. Should I? I think it's important to mention that these are almost only in relation to my boyfriend and not other people, which may mean I'm worrying about something that I do not have.


1.Fear of abandonment.

This somewhat applies to me. It is only in relation to my boyfriend, who I am absolutely terrified will leave me. I get convinced he does not love me and does not want me, so I break up with him frequently so he can't be the one to leave. I am always asking if he loves me or if he will leave and feel rejected by the smallest things. I am not afraid of being abandoned by anyone else, including friends and family.

2.Unstable relationships.

Again, this only applies to my boyfriend. I mentioned above that I break up with him a lot. Once I'm triggered, I get convinced he will leave, which then leads me to freak out and break up. Shortly after, I am begging him to take me back (which he does). It's a horrible cycle.

3.Unclear or unstable self-image.

I tend to align myself with other people, especially my mom. If my mom likes something, I will probably like it. If she dislikes something, I will make myself dislike it even if I did like it to start with. I also tend to identify with school. Like a lot. If I do not have an A, I am failing. I don't exactly have a clear identity or self-image.

4.Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.

This one does not apply too much to me. I have had instances of reckless driving in response to feeling rejected (speeding in the rain while having a crying fit... not exactly the safest idea), but these are not common. This may not count, but the sabotaging of my relationship (aka breaking up constantly) is 100% impulsive and is definitely damaging mentally.

5.Self-harm.

I do cut, which is in response to feeling rejected by my boyfriend. It is infrequent and superficial.

6.Extreme emotional swings.

Yes. My moods are all over the place and can change rapidly.

7.Chronic feelings of emptiness.

This one is a definite yes. I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life and will meet none of my goals. All the things I want are out of reach. What's the point of anything?

8.Explosive anger.

This is a bit hard to explain. If I am with someone in person and they anger me, I usually go silent. I rarely argue verbally, despite how angry I get. However, I am awful about freaking out on my boyfriend over text (paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs about how he's terrible to me, even though he's not). At this point, he kind of lets it happen and knows it'll blow over. It is after these texts, where I attack him over nothing, that I break up.

9.Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

I don't think this one applies to me. I have had instances where I've been paranoid my boyfriend is cheating on me, but not too often. I also absolutely hate it when he spends time with other people, thinking he will choose them over me. I have had a few problems with not really recognizing myself in the mirror (I know it's me, but it feels like it isn't). I get scared that the reflection will come towards me or grab me, although this has only happened when I'm having a particularly messy depressive episode.

I think if you feel comfortable doing so, then bringing it up with your counsellor is a good idea. Perhaps printing out a copy of your post to take along might be helpful? They might be able to help you work out whether it is just specific to this relationship or others as well.

minmin wrote:Hello everyone! Im a 17yr old and ive recently stumbled across BPD while searching through stuff relating to my issues on google. I cant afford a therapist so im not able to be officialy tested, and im against self diagnosing when it comes to personality disorders. I have talked to 3 of my friends who have diagnosed BPD and theyve said that i do show symptoms of it and theres a possibility of me having it. I want to know what others think!

No-one here is able to diagnose you, but early on in my journey I found reading other people's posts and their questions and answers on the forums helped me understand and go "yeah, this fits"- perhaps more than just ticking the boxes did.

You are right, no one here can accurately diagnose a person with BPD, but we can discuss and analyze the stories of those who have some symptoms from the list you provided.

Please, do you know what it means that someone has "personality elements of Cluster B and Cluster C (as main elements), as well as Mixed"?
Thank you very much

It just means that their symptoms come from both the group of Cluster B personality disorders (which are typically dramatic, emotional and erratic) and the Cluster C ones (more anxious and fearful). Many people don't fit neatly into just one box and it's common to have symptoms across different clusters. Or to have a specific personality disorder with traits (significant but less severe symptoms, or not meeting all the criteria of) of another PD. The clusters are a way of broadly categorising personality disorders.

I would describe my emotional experience in the last couple of months as - feeling emotionally sick, in a "I have a cold and need to lie down" kind of way. It's better than phases of feeling numb, but still something disorderly about it. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with bpd, just a guess.

I am wondering if pwBPD have good intuition or instinct (or both). In my case, I think I have a relatively good instinct, as in it activates when I am in the middle of a situation, so I become sensitive to other people's behaviors, the space I am in, the atmosphere etc. I think intuition is when I am by myself, in my mind and thinking about various imaginary turns of events, what could happen etc. I think I often make a mistake in such a case. I seem to function better in the here-and-now rather than in what ifs.

I'm feeling a bit dizzy whenever I need to write something. It seems to activate my emotions and I end up feeling exhausted before I even start. I was prescribed antidepressants and benzodiazepines in the past, think I should try psychotherapy this time, without prescriptions, drugs etc.

Iznahs wrote:I would describe my emotional experience in the last couple of months as - feeling emotionally sick, in a "I have a cold and need to lie down" kind of way. It's better than phases of feeling numb, but still something disorderly about it. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with bpd, just a guess.

I recently read an article about a person with ASPD describing an inner pressure that would get relieved if they would do a mischief (or a serious crime in some cases). I think I can relate to the description of this inner pressure, but it doesn't make me want to do anything, it makes me feel moody and restless mostly. Drinking helps or physical activity. Maybe creative activities if I'm not too static.

I am very curious as to alot of overlap with this and ADHD in some regards. Does anyone have any feedback on this? Often with ADHD there are overlapping mental health issues as well. Reading this, now I am quite curious.