How to deal with devaluation

While my relationship has definitely been one hell of a rollercoaster, I've somehow avoided the major devaluation I've understood is a common end to BPD relationships. Now... I can have a great day turn into a horrible one on the sight of my boyfriend. Every single thing he does annoys me, makes me angry, even. I can go for days without seeing him and then after half a minute together, I just want to be left alone.

People tell me to trust my gut instinct, but that's kinda the thing, I can't freaking trust my gut instinct. I know so damn well that if I go with how I feel now and end my relationship, I will regret it to the point of wanting to tear my skin from my bones just to feel something else than regret. I know not to jump on the wagon and trust my feelings on this one, I've done it before and I know all too well that it isn't the truth, but I still can't make the devaluation I'm experiencing go away. I got a bit of a flash of the "Please don't leave me"-blues when he got sick of my unloving grumpiness but I'm still stuck devaluating him a lot. Our relationship feels like a burden and to be honest, what is keeping me is mostly the thought of how much it would hurt him if I left.

So, does anyone have any suggestions to how I can get rid of the devaluation? I sort of know what triggered it (not a "bad" incident per se, but still enough to activate my internal self destruct-button) and I'm pretty much open to anything. I just want to love him again.

I was in a relationship once that lasted 13 months. And halfway through it, I started feeling like you, that the relationship was a burden. I started losing interest in them and started realizing that this person wasn't for me.

But at the time I didn't want to be alone, so I stuck it out, until 7 months later when they finally ended the relationship.

I understand devaluing them, but I guess there comes a point where the feelings fade and the relationships fizzles out. I stayed with them because I had no one else and I didn't want to be alone. But I had already devalued them and lost any feelings I had for them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, ask yourself why you're really with them. Are you just going through a rough period and you two (or just you) need to spend some time apart to recharge, or is it time to really move on?

At the 6 month mark, I knew it was already over. And in hindsight, I wish I would have left then. It would have saved both me and the person I was with an aweful lot of unnecessary grief.

Elastic Heart wrote:not a "bad" incident per se, but still enough to activate my internal self destruct-button

Care to elaborate? Have you talked about this with him? Or anyone else?

This is hitting home to me so much. I'm 2 months from having my heart shattered by this amazing girl. I have overcame 2 close deaths of friends in my early 20s one being my ace main man and the other my first real girlfriend. She came from a very wealthy family (I do not) and she often spoke of a lack of emotion and affection from here parents and that she was raped by her high school boyfriend. She was in therapy and on meds, but to the naked eye she seemed by all accounts to be doing very well especially in our relationship. She was very sexually aggressive, sexually charged, and eager to make our relationship official. I tried to slow these things initially but once we started I was infatuated with her. She introduced some different things to me in the bedroom she said stemmed from being raped. All I ever did was try to show her how great i thought she was and empower her soul to feel strong about the sex, her happiness, her future. Then, out of the clear blue she left me because she said I was a controlling asshole and she absolutely can't be with someone like that. She said I showed a single glimpse of it and that's all she needs. We work together (not everyday) but multiple times a week we work the same shift. She has blocked my number. She looks like she's gained 10-12 lbs in 2 months and she has this look of absolute shame and sadness. I want to be there for her like I was when we were together so bad... She never mentioned BPD just depression and anxiety. but she fits a definite 7/9 traits associated with BPD and possibly all 9. I'm afraid to approach her at work because its work. But I'm so hurt I want to help her