Relationship instability and manipulation necessary for BPD?

Hi!
I'm currently in the diagnostic phase of therapy, and my therapist suspects that I may have BPD. I'll be tested for this and other stuff next week, but there's something bugging me...
I see the reason behind her suspicion. Some of the things I said, I later found out, sound like textbook descriptions of BPD symptoms. And it would certainly explain a lot, especially the dissociation. But I've always thought (and some friends in health services have told me as well) that the defining and necessary features of BPD are turbulent relationships and manipulative behavior. Neither of those are among my problems.
So, I'm a bit confused by the conflicting info here. Maybe you could help me clear this up?
Thanks!

They're giving you incorrect information. It's just another offensive stereotype which just brings us more stigma and spreads ignorance. As with any other mental illness, you JUST need to fit into a certain AMOUNT of diagnostic criteria as outlined in the DSM (for which a person must meet 5 of 9 criteria to receive a diagnosis) or ICD.

You can find out more about the diagnostic stuff on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderlin ... cal_Manual

The DSM criteria for BPD (for which you'd need to meet 5 out of 9 for a diagnosis) are:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

5. recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.

7. chronic feelings of emptiness.

8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

First of all, thank you for your answer.
I've been obsessing over that symptom list quite a bit the last few days, and I think 6 of them are a good fit. Just the first two aren't me at all, and since they match the stereotypical depiction of BPD I thought they might be mandatory for diagnosis. But eh, let's see what my therapist makes of this. If a BPD diagnosis provides a framework for understanding what the ###$ is wrong with me, it's fine.
So, offensive stereotypes. I mean, yeah, BPD people get a lot of hate, even from professionals. But I already have a nice collection of stigmatizing traits, so I've learned not to talk about personal stuff.
Have you told anyone? How did they react?

I'll agree with the above member, BPD is more an observation of a cluster of symptoms that are then given a name to categorize them. Its rare any individual checks every box on the DSM list. Best thing to do is to work on taking care of yourself, which I know is hard to do.

When my care team was considering if I had BPD or not I was shocked and stunned that I may have it, it was a tough thing to accept. I don't fit into a BPD diagnosis although I do have several prominent BPD symptoms that disrupt my life.

I check a few of the boxes, but not enough to be classified as BPD.

I don't tell people about my BPD traits. There is significant stigma and misunderstanding surrounding it. I'm in graduate school, I would be embarrassed if my colleagues knew. For me, I manage it as best I can and I have found a tremendous therapist who helps me work through the bumps in the road and help me to continue my self care.

I don't tell people because I am working on managing my traits and as much as people say they are trustworthy and accepting, they may try to start fitting your behaviors into their understanding of BPD and that'll be stigmatizing and honestly may be damaging to you because it may alter their perceptions of you.

If you're on the BPD spectrum, find a good therapist, learn to accept the symptoms for what they are, and learn to work towards a happier healthier life. We need to remember that a lot of psych care is dependent on us to do the work, which sucks, there is no pill which we can take and it will magically make the psych/social issues disappear.

I'm glad you came on here and asked these questions. I think many people share similar concerns and fears.

How'd you get a whole care team? Sounds like you're a boxing champion.
Anyway, I hope they let me keep the current therapist, she seems at least sympathetic to my problems.
Also, I hope this $#%^ gets smoother soon. Since the last appointment I've been in some sort of crisis, and it's getting worse. Having a hard time functioning right now.

sweatshirtkid wrote:How'd you get a whole care team? Sounds like you're a boxing champion.
Anyway, I hope they let me keep the current therapist, she seems at least sympathetic to my problems.
Also, I hope this $#%^ gets smoother soon. Since the last appointment I've been in some sort of crisis, and it's getting worse. Having a hard time functioning right now.

When I say care team I just mean a therapist and a nurse practitioner for meds. I see the therapist once a week as regularly as I can and the nurse practitioner once every three months. I'm in the process of trying to wean off lexapro but as many people can attest, weaning off meds can be hard.

I'm sorry you're going from crisis to crisis. Sounds like you're a self-aware person and you know it doesn't have to be that way, but when you're wired to do that, its hard not to.

I hope you find a therapist you can work with and meds you can tolerate. That seems to be the key.

I think another thing to emphasize is that recovery can and does happen but it requires personal commitment and the right group of people taking care of you.

My therapist like to remind me how far I've come, and sometimes its hard to look back and see progress. But since I've started care about 1.5 years ago I've become much better inter-personally and have become more skilled in managing my ups and downs, and managing relationships.

Hi,
I agree with the post above, in my case I have never tried to manipulate anyone, but because there is a lot of misunderstanding or better misconceptions around BPD which can be find when you google BPD and also some therapists believe in false aspects of BPD, that is why I do not tell anyone around me about my BPD. I do not want anyone to think I am manipulative, first because it is not true and second, who wants to spend time with someone whom they can not trust.

TwinkleStar wrote:because there is a lot of misunderstanding or better misconceptions around BPD which can be find when you google BPD and also some therapists believe in false aspects of BPD, that is why I do not tell anyone around me about my BPD. I do not want anyone to think I am manipulative, first because it is not true and second, who wants to spend time with someone whom they can not trust.

Yeah, I mean one reason I opened this thread was my friends specifically telling me that I can't be BPD because those are horrible people and I'm not. Which, in a way, is gratifying, I guess?
Also, did I say I was OK with this diagnosis if it helps me understand what's happening? Because I'm not. I don't ######6 need yet another thing standing between me and the world I'm forced to interact with. I can't deal with another ######6 thing to hide. Seriously, "be yourself" is such #######5 advice. If I was myself, I'd rage at coworkers, I'd be crying over nothing, and all the supposedly understanding and supportive friends who shy away when they get a glimpse of all the random drama going on inside me would start ghosting me.
Wow. Lots of negativity today, huh? Though I've been in panic mode the majority of the week, so maybe I just need to vent.

toddamus wrote:I hope you find a therapist you can work with and meds you can tolerate. That seems to be the key.

I think another thing to emphasize is that recovery can and does happen but it requires personal commitment and the right group of people taking care of you.

No ######6 meds for me. I'm done with this $#%^. Therapy, sure, but I won't ###$ my brain up any further on the slim chance that something might actually work. I'm just hoping that my current therapist can somehow help me turn this around. Until I started therapy I haven't been a quivering mess, so it's doing something at least. Now it just has to do the ######6 opposite of what it's doing.
Recovery... Yeah, depends on your day-to-day frame of mind, though, doesn't it? I know from experience that things get better with practice, but sometimes that's just empty talk because I can't empathize with the part of me that's feeling hopeful.

Man, what a pathetic ######6 shitshow. I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and venting at innocent bystanders. Sincere apologies. I just don't feel like I can get this out anywhere else right now.

Edit: Wait, did I just do the relationship instability? Usually I'm convinced that I love my friends and they love me back. Huh.

Yup, got diagnosed. ###$ me. This is gonna take a while.
Thanks for your answers and sorry for venting at y'all. I might be back with more questions if you don't mind.

sweatshirtkid wrote:Yup, got diagnosed. ###$ me. This is gonna take a while.
Thanks for your answers and sorry for venting at y'all. I might be back with more questions if you don't mind.

Yea, of course. A BPD Dx is a scary thing.

Btw, I use to be exceptionally anti-meds. SSRI's are crude drugs with lots of side effects. My old therapist eventually, over the course of months, got me to try them so that I could decrease my anxiety, and really anxiety is the core of most if not all my issues.