Can't / Don't want to make friends?

I'm 30 and I haven't made any friends since I started High School. I have many acquaintances (all my partners friends, of which he says are "your friends too"), but no friends of which I feel I can call up at any time, invite over, discuss anything personal at length, or even feel comfortable around.

A big part of me feels like all I really want and need is a partner (yeah I know, I know, that isn't healthy but that's how I feel), and at this point it's like it's been so long since I've made any friends (literally childhood) that I don't know how to go about it.

My only friend other than my boyfriend, is my EX boyfriend... who I only ever seem to talk to when things are going wrong with my current boyfriend. My ex was asexual and aromantic, and my current boyfriend understands that I'm not unfaithful, and that my ex poses zero threat anyway so it's okay, but.. well.. it isn't, because I feel like I should want more than this.. and I do.. but I don't know how to want it properly, or go about obtaining it.

I don't work with other people, I don't study, so I don't know where to meet people.. All I really have as potential friends, are my current partners friends... and I'm very reluctant to befriend them properly in case my current relationship fails and then it's just awkward hanging out with my ex boyfriends friends constantly....

Anyone else in a similar position?

For me it is different. I work a full time and a part time job. I always chat with my coworkers, and even have rather in depth conversations with a couple of them. I even like all of them. I am terrified for that to get to know the real me. My boyfriend and I have the same best friend. She is family, the three of us are very close. I have no other friends for real. I want other friends, I just am to afraid of new people.

Google, "how to make friends"

Yeah, that's pretty much my life. I mean I think other people think they're my friends, but they aren't. I'd call them acquaintances at best. I don't particularly want to make any friends. I don't really see the point of it, because chances are you'll eventually be moving away from each other or barely seeing them because they've started their own family or whatever. There's many things that could happen that could have them up-and-leaving your life, or barely being in it.. and for me that would set off my abandonment issues, so I find it's just best to avoid the possibility. My acquaintances and my boyfriend are good enough for me. I kind of enjoy not having to socialize constantly as well.

On the other hand though I find online friends are perfect. Yeah, we may never meet but at least there's no expectations and you won't get comfortable with the whole hanging out thing. They're also not generally at their computer 24/7, or on their phone 24/7 so you can't expect constant communication with them.
I find that the lack of expectations and the over-all consistency of online friends to be much better for me.

I don't have many friends either. I only have one friend I can call "true blue", someone I could call when I needed help (like drunk in the middle of the night and need a ride) and not feel weird about it.

It's just a lot of work to have friends. They don't require as much as a romance, but it still takes work to manage my condition and maintain a friendship and all that. Most people aren't worth the level of investment that I, as a person with BPD, have to put in once I get close to someone.

graveflower wrote:Google, "how to make friends"

wow you just solved one of the most important issues.

Sort of. I desperately want to make friends but I never can because most people are such monumental assholes.

witchessabbath wrote:I only have one friend I can call "true blue",.

Am I correct in assuming you're Australian with a phrase like that?

Lebkuchen wrote:

graveflower wrote:Google, "how to make friends"

wow you just solved one of the most important issues.

And what have you contributed? Nothing.

I am the only person who has posted a proactive solution to her problem. I didn't elaborate because "making friends" is elementary, with commonplace solutions that can be easily uncovered with a search engine. Inversely, the other responses she's received are disappointing. All you've done so far is ramble on narcissistically about yourselves.

But go ahead and prove me wrong. Your defiant compulsion to get me back, and prove what helpful, caring people you are will ultimately benefit OP.

graveflower wrote:

Lebkuchen wrote:

graveflower wrote:Google, "how to make friends"

wow you just solved one of the most important issues.

And what have you contributed? Nothing.

I am the only person who has posted a proactive solution to her problem. I didn't elaborate because "making friends" is elementary, with commonplace solutions that can be easily uncovered with a search engine. Inversely, the other responses she's received are disappointing. All you've done so far is ramble on narcissistically about yourselves.

But go ahead and prove me wrong. Your defiant compulsion to get me back, and prove what helpful, caring people you are will ultimately benefit OP.

As someone who has googled that and found very few solutions, it really isn't helpful at all. You can go do X, Y, and Z but it doesn't mean you'll actually make a friend out of it. It's not as simple as "google this, go do that and you'll have a friend". If it worked that way then I'm sure op would have friends, but there's an underlying cause to her not having any that needs to be remedied.

Also op asked if there were any of us in a similar position, I'd hardly call it narcissistic to talk about it if we are in a similar position. For all any of us knows it may even bring comfort to the op.