Feminism got me

Being BPD is hard. Maybe feminism and BPD have no connection, but now I feel identifying myself with feminism has backfired on me. Since high school I believed if men can sleep with 100 women, then women should be able to do the same. But now I realize how much it has damaged me. Chasing after bad boys, having meaningless casual sex has ruined my already fragile physch. I can't connect to any man like a normal woman should. Like an addict I only chase after bad boys who can give me a high, A normal guy who is nice to me makes me want to puke. I am no longer the 21 year old blond I used to be. I am all damaged goods now with multiple abortions. The worst part is now even normal man won't date or marry me because of my promiscuous past. Even if I find such a stable and well settled man, I am sure I will cave and cheat because of my craving for high with bad boy or NPD type man.

I wish I had never listened to feminist campaigning for sexual liberty of women, I wish I was virgin, without all the casual sex and settle with one man, forging a deep connection. It is just a dream now.

good for you
i'm an MRA btw
good for me

Being BPD and associating myself with ideas of acceptance of casual sex, in combination with making wrong choices has exacerbated my situation. I take responsibility for it and I am working on it. I have got nothing against men or their rights.

do you belive in petriachie theory and how much genders are there?
(just kiding about the mra ofc it's a dog eat dog world and i dont bark)

Very interesting topic. I've also always identified myself as a feminist. I also do believe that if a man can have 100 sexual partners, then it's the same for woman. Gender does not matter. You see, they can call promiscuous woman a "h***e" that the same rules apply to promiscuous man.

Yet - I've grown up to conclusion that sex is just a normal physical part of life. Exactly the same as eating. You go to restaurants, eat delicious things, try new cuisines - jest because it's pleasure and it's fun. You can eat meals alone, with friends, with bf, with family. It doesn't matter.

Sex is exactly the same thing. But somehow the society has taught us that sex has to be connected with romantic feelings. And there is a dependence between lack self-respect and promiscuity. If you look at that totally logically - it simply doesn't make sense.

What is the difference between physical pleasure from eating with your friend and physical pleasure between letting your friend put his penis inside of you? In my opinion - it's only issue of what the society wants from you. Just because we all are used to the idea that certain things are limited only for relationships. When it really doesn't make sense.

Anyway - I guess your problem is of different nature. You strongly connect the sex with emotions. You chase after "bad boys", because it gives you the thrill. If you manage to catch one, even for a brief moment - you feel self-worth. For a short amount of time you win something that seem to be inaccessible. And that make you feel better.

In my opinion feminism tells you that having casual sex is ok, if you do so for physical pleasure. But I think (I might be wrong, if so, please correct me) you have sex not for sexual pleasure, but for the thrill, for the feeling of winning. You trade sex for the feeling of winning the bad guy. So how can you feel ok with multiple partner if sex wan't purely for your benefit, but you give it for obtaining bad guy attention.
But I might be wrong.

Yes you may be right. From what I went through and realized, men and women are like apples and oranges. They want different things, follow different biological and physiological drives. We as women do have expiry date on our beauty and fertility. After nearing 30 I have seen the change. I thought people were naturally nice, but now I realize it was due to my youth. The downfall in attention I receive from men as I age is obvious. I also ultimately want a man to provide for me, and I want to take up motherhood and nourishing role as nature intended me to. Somehow I feel trying to be like men have altered my nature as woman. The bad boy thing is just an addiction to thrill, the addiction I would not have picked up if I would have settled earlier in life without jumping into casual sex. Maybe our perspective change with age.

Mary Ann wrote:Yes you may be right. From what I went through and realized, men and women are like apples and oranges. They want different things, follow different biological and physiological drives. We as women do have expiry date on our beauty and fertility. After nearing 30 I have seen the change. I thought people were naturally nice, but now I realize it was due to my youth. The downfall in attention I receive from men as I age is obvious. I also ultimately want a man to provide for me, and I want to take up motherhood and nourishing role as nature intended me to. Somehow I feel trying to be like men have altered my nature as woman. The bad boy thing is just an addiction to thrill, the addiction I would not have picked up if I would have settled earlier in life without jumping into casual sex. Maybe our perspective change with age.

Well, you're possibly right with the "our perspective change with age". I guess our priorities evolve constantly. I really feel like you blame yourself for your past. To comfort you, I can assume that if you really had settled down with somebody in your early 20s, then by now you would be probably divorced. So staying single is, at least in my opinion, still a better option.

(At least that's how I explain it to myself. In in my middle 20s, so majority of my friends start family right now, whereas I have no perspective to do so in the next decade)

I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I feel the same way about my life choices. I struggle to remember that no one is born wise and we learn from our mistakes.

Incidentally, it sounds to me like you might be coming down too hard on yourself. Liking "bad boys" doesn't strike me as intrinsically bad, 'though chasing after them for a high and to reinforce a fragile self esteem certainly does. I don't know it if's any consolation but no women is the 21 year old she used to be. Life changes us all, both physically and emotionally. And thank goodness for that because 21 year olds, as good as they look, are so often silly, vacuous, and selfish with no sense of the world beyond themselves. I hope any man of depth would see you as a whole person not just your sexual past. I think you're wrong to assume you're past automatically relegates you to the status of "damaged goods", for all time. However, you do seem to be "damaged goods"... not because of your past but because of your present state of mind. If you know you're unwell and are likely to ruin a relationship with a good man then for heaven sakes stop looking and work on yourself. Otherwise you are a 21 year old, and not in the good way.

Good luck to you, and I wish you peace.

Be careful with this kind of people, feminists usually are anti-ethical people that only want money and media, I know this species closely(unfortunately).

Mary Ann wrote:Yes you may be right. From what I went through and realized, men and women are like apples and oranges. They want different things, follow different biological and physiological drives. We as women do have expiry date on our beauty and fertility. After nearing 30 I have seen the change. I thought people were naturally nice, but now I realize it was due to my youth. The downfall in attention I receive from men as I age is obvious.

That's a shame but there may be a silver lining. At least now you know who's being sincere. I try to approach being an ugly woman with the same mentality. Of course it's painful and was even more so in my youth but... in the end, I find I really would rather know who likes me for me.

I also ultimately want a man to provide for me, and I want to take up motherhood and nourishing role as nature intended me to. Somehow I feel trying to be like men have altered my nature as woman. The bad boy thing is just an addiction to thrill, the addiction I would not have picked up if I would have settled earlier in life without jumping into casual sex. Maybe our perspective change with age.

I feel the same way... that in pursuing my job as a chef I became cruder, rougher, less gentle, less patient, narrow minded and unyielding, bitter and spiteful, self absorbed and selfish...I was trying to become more masculine and assertive in order to behave in the way I imagined was required of me but in doing so I completely lost touch with myself. I became profoundly unhappy and ill at ease with myself. I hated myself and others and in the end I didn't even gain my objective of professional success. At long last I understand that I can't pull off this aping of traits that I don't possess. I must be myself and live within my own skin. So must everyone.

It sounds like maybe you have some issues to work on before pursuing a relationship, but allow me to suggest: there are many ways to be womanly and nurturing that don't involve a husband or kids. You don't necessarily have to wait or to feel you're falling short of your potential as a woman without them.