What to do after outburst?

So yesterday was my birthday. I went out and did my own thing all day because my boyfriend had to work but met up with him, my mom, and sister for dinner. It was all going really really well. Then after dinner I wanted to go out for a drink with my bf but he didn't really want to. He reluctantly agreed and we got a drink and sat down at a bar. It was a little after midnight and he had to work this morning at 10 so he was a little irritated we were still out. So we're just talking and he says something like 'you're only working 2 days this week' and I'm like 'you always only work 2 days' to which he replies 'well I make more money'. And I'm just like wtf why are you even saying that and being rude. And he's like ###$ this let's leave now or you can find your own way home. He wouldn't stay to finish our drinks we had gotten 5 minutes ago. I don't have my phone or keys so he knew I had to go with him. I'm upset and when we get home he just goes in the bedroom and closes the door. I go upstairs and have a horrible outburst. I start throwing my shoes at the wall and one hit a small mirror and broke it. When I calmed down a little I went to the bedroom to get my pillow to which he says he hates me and can't be with me anymore. Idk if he really meant it. But I just don't know what I'm supposed to do after an immature outburst like that. Is there even any point in apologizing or should I give him space?

Giving him space will only make it build up worse in your mind. I think you need to ask him if he meant what he said and then take it from there.

i agree with dtc. ask him if he wants to be alone and then if the answer is yes, perhaps u two can decide to go separate ways.

Maybe you could work on the outbursts.

People have a natural tendency to externalize blame and get nowhere in their improvement. Blame - also known as accountability - is one of the very first ingredients in shoring up your life. It identifies the problem, its cause and its solution.

Nobody wants to believe they are the problem, but everybody wants to improve.

Hm.

Don't blame yourself for things you did not do, but if the outburst is yours, then a little introspection is in order. Think of why you were to put out. Expectations on your birthday. . ? That's alright, of course, but when it's not well planned and someone has to go to work the next day, it can feel hurtful and disappointing.

Thoughtless. Selfish, right?

But who was selfish?

Two steps: don't set yourself up for disappointing minutiae [making plans at the last minute] and don't react in anger when a minute inconvenience surfaces [such as having to get his sleep].

This problem won't go away by finding someone new, will it? You'll still be the same, unless you make the adjustment.

Maybe it's unpopular opinion, but if the outburst are part of who you are, then what is the point of being with sb who doesn't accept that? I mean - nobody is perfect. That's your flaw. If he's fed up with it and sabotages you with "I don't want to be with you anymore", then ask yourself - is there any common sense in staying in such relationship?

Anyway - to answer your question. I used to have really huge problems with what to do after the outburst. How to behave, what to say, how to apologize. And it was mainly because I was so scared of punishment (in form of somebody leaving me). I stopped having the problem since I started to like and accept myself. Now I'm just like "yeah, I've just had the outburst, don't dwell on the subject".

I just wonder who would even want to be with me and deal with that? I feel like it's an every other week occurrence lately. I feel helpless after the fact when I can realize that it was grossly unnecessary. Like what's the point in being with anyone then? Idk I'm hoping this feeling will help curb my outbursts.

dd2300 wrote:I just wonder who would even want to be with me and deal with that?

No offence, but personally I like to visit wikipedia's list of paraphilias. It somehow gives me hope that if there are people that like having sex while being dressed as an infant, then there is no way that I won't find anyone who would like me the way I am. I'm serious right now.


Like really - majority of the people on this planet consider cheating as one of the worst things the significant other can do. Yet, there are also people who are in open relationship for years. What basically means mutual cheating on one another. I'm pretty sure that there must be people that not only accept the impulsiveness of the partner, but even more - they appreciate that. It might sound stupid at first, but let's be rational - it's just easier to find somebody who sees your flaws as advantages than being with someone that constantly wants to change who you are.

dd2300 wrote:I just wonder who would even want to be with me and deal with that? I feel like it's an every other week occurrence lately. I feel helpless after the fact when I can realize that it was grossly unnecessary. Like what's the point in being with anyone then? Idk I'm hoping this feeling will help curb my outbursts.

What may have prevented the whole disagreement and your outburst is if you acknowledged that he had worked all day, and had to work the following day and you were keeping him out till past midnight. Birthday or not, that shouldn't have happened. Next time when someone shows they aren't keen to do something then it's best to not pressure them into doing it.

fistfight and jail