How to handle being rejected so many times

So I'm on this group chat for incoming freshmen going to college. I hit up one of the girls I thought was cute and she was responding at first but then she just left my message on read out of no where and stopped responding. This is a constant cycle with me. Girls just stop responding to me and it sucks. I'm not a player of any kind. I've actually never been in a relationship before. I crumble when I'm rejected because I'm always being rejected. Girls either block me or stop responding to me and ingnore me. I feel myself spiraling down and I turn into a different person when I spiral down. Sometimes I really hate myself.

First, why do you have to hit on girls? As a girl, I get hit on a lot. Sometimes I even provoke it. But I rather be romanced in a loving way.

Second, how far did you go? Sometimes I play the game but I don't like it to go too far. So did you go too far?

Third, if you didn't go too far, she's a tease and you just need to move on.

But my overall impression from your post is you are a player. This might work for some girls. But never me.

You need to relax, try just being a friend without an agenda and maybe someday a girl will fall for you.

Amanda

Sounds like a boundary problem and I've done it many times and hell I'm 31 and did it back when I was 18 too. You're craving attention and validaiton perhaps so you try to get it from this cute girl, bc it feels good to talk and flirt. The problem maybe you're overdoing it, you're talking too much and tiring them out.

As hard as it will be, you'll have to learn when you're seeking validation from them and when you're over communicating. You may have to learn to leave well enough alone and deal with whatever anxiety you have instead of seeking validation.

I wish someone had worked with me on this a long time ago, but I didn't start therapy until 16 months ago.

I might also assume you have BPD because you're posting here. Be aware that being insecure in relationships is a significant symptom of BPD, and being emotionally reactive goes with that too. Maybe take a few breaths and write out whats happening from a third person perspective. Being emotionally reactive sucks and it can often lead to overreaction if you're not careful which may mean you burn a few bridges and give up on people when really there's no reason to.

AmandaBroken wrote:First, why do you have to hit on girls? As a girl, I get hit on a lot. Sometimes I even provoke it. But I rather be romanced in a loving way.

Second, how far did you go? Sometimes I play the game but I don't like it to go too far. So did you go too far?

Third, if you didn't go too far, she's a tease and you just need to move on.

But my overall impression from your post is you are a player. This might work for some girls. But never me.

You need to relax, try just being a friend without an agenda and maybe someday a girl will fall for you.

Amanda

All I did was say hey and introduce myself. I mean I said she was cute but I didn't comment on her body type or anything extra like that. Also, how can one who's never been in a relationship before be a player? When I talk to girls, I treat them with respect and curiosity about who they are as a person.

-- Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:59 pm --

AmandaBroken wrote:First, why do you have to hit on girls? As a girl, I get hit on a lot. Sometimes I even provoke it. But I rather be romanced in a loving way.

Second, how far did you go? Sometimes I play the game but I don't like it to go too far. So did you go too far?

Third, if you didn't go too far, she's a tease and you just need to move on.

But my overall impression from your post is you are a player. This might work for some girls. But never me.

You need to relax, try just being a friend without an agenda and maybe someday a girl will fall for you.

Amanda

All I did was say hey and introduce myself. I mean I said she was cute but I didn't comment on her body type or anything extra like that. Also, how can one who's never been in a relationship before be a player? When I talk to girls, I treat them with respect and curiosity about who they are as a person.

-- Mon Feb 27, 2017 10:03 pm --

AmandaBroken wrote:First, why do you have to hit on girls? As a girl, I get hit on a lot. Sometimes I even provoke it. But I rather be romanced in a loving way.

Second, how far did you go? Sometimes I play the game but I don't like it to go too far. So did you go too far?

Third, if you didn't go too far, she's a tease and you just need to move on.

But my overall impression from your post is you are a player. This might work for some girls. But never me.

You need to relax, try just being a friend without an agenda and maybe someday a girl will fall for you.

Amanda

All I did was say hey and introduce myself. I mean I said she was cute but I didn't comment on her body type or anything extra like that. Also, how can one who's never been in a relationship before be a player? When I talk to girls, I treat them with respect and curiosity about who they are as a person.

All I did was say hey and introduce myself. I mean I said she was cute but I didn't comment on her body type or anything extra like that. Also, how can one who's never been in a relationship before be a player? When I talk to girls, I treat them with respect and curiosity about who they are as a person.

You did more than say hey and introduce yourself. Your words "You hit on her." You said, "She was cute." These statements carry a lot of weight. You may not realize that but they send messages. What makes a person "cute" Just my opinion. I may be reading between the lines but I don't think we are hearing the whole story.

If this keeps happening to you as you said maybe its time for you to do a soul search and see why this keeps repeating. Talk it through. Maybe you need to tweak the way you do things.

Amanda

AmandaBroken wrote:You said, "She was cute." These statements carry a lot of weight. You may not realize that but they send messages. What makes a person "cute" Just my opinion. I may be reading between the lines but I don't think we are hearing the whole story.
Amanda

I don't really see how that's a bad thing or why that carries whatever weight. You are obviously hitting up on someone, that's true, but how else would you start dating someone? It won't just happen from sitting around. Isn't a small compliment a good way to start anymore? From what he said his compliment was just saying that she's cute. That's not really something over the top or inappropiate, so I'm really wondering what's wrong with that?

I think you have to become more cognizant of boundaries, as another person said, and learn to "play it cool." This younger generation is all about being low key and nonchalant; showing any sort of neediness is a turnoff for many. It doesn't appeal to me at all.

I actually have this problem with making friends, not romancing the opposite sex. I don't know if it's because I'm a bit older or what but it seems impossible to make new friends of the same gender these days.