problems with intmacy

I have problems with intimacy, specifically physical contact is where it causes problems. A part of me screams in my head in panic things like "get away, get away." or even begging for help or to stop. this also relates to boundary issues as a lot of the time i am pushing away to prevent feeling like we're "one person". or having merged identities. This is towards anything sexual or romantic and the male gender.
But at the same time, I long for the human touch. I have mixed emotions about it.

I notice if I'm in a healthy relationship with a guy or even just a healthier mindset, I don't feel a need for sex or romance anymore or even dating. In otherwords, if I have healthy boundaries, then i don't feel a need to date. So it's not the sex or romance I'm going for. If not, I sometimes just sort of put a chemical or idea onto a person. There's some other need that's unmet...Any ideas?

Hey orangezebras

Your issue seems to revolve around the idea of sex.
If you are the appropriate age, sex is part of a healthy relationship.
You worry that others objectify you as a sexual object, I'm sure some people do, but your broad generalization of other people's desire warrants a closer look at your own desires.
We can externalize our own emotions onto others in order to protect ourselves from unpleasant truths.
I do not know you and cannot claim that this applies to you but it may be worth consideration.