Writing in blood? [warning: could be v.triggering]

Does anyone else do this?

The first time I can remember it happening for me was a couple of years ago when I was claiming benefits for my mental illnesses, but then the office sent me a letter demanding money from me because I had messed my form up. It was like £305. I was in poverty and seriously ill so I couldn't pay it back. I also felt like they were treating me like a fraud, and I'm massively paranoid anyway, so it absolutely ###$ me. I cut myself and wrote "###$ YOU" and "STOP" in my own blood in big letters on the paper they sent, and figured that instead of sending them money, I'd send that letter back to them like that. I ended up not doing that.

But anyway, now, a couple years on, I have started to self-harm on a very regular basis, and I always have to write down in my own blood the kinds of things I wish I could say to people when I feel that way, or what my trigger was, or whatever. I then take a photo of my self-harm and the writing, and keep the pages stashed away somewhere.

For some reason my self-harm doesn't feel "finished" any more if I don't do all of these things with it.

I had a huge self-harm "session" on New Years Eve where I did a lot of cutting and smeared the blood all over my face and let the blood pour down my arm, and then used the tissue paper in the bathroom as paper and wrote angry messages on it. My boyfriend ended up coming in and I hated that he wanted to clean me up and get rid of the messages. Even though I'm passed the trigger now and relatively calm, I still need to know I have the tissue paper with the messages on it, and I feel so SO bad I didn't have my phone with me at the time to take pictures of everything as it was.

I've done this. Most recently was last year, my mom made me really angry so I wrote "I hate you" in my own blood on a piece of paper. Didn't show it to anyone, but...

I've done this exact same thing with a hospital bill. I wrote, "F*** YOU" on the bill and put it in the return envelope. Didn't send it though. I was a student and in debt already, couldn't pay it.