Making people guilty

I noticed that I do this with some close people. I will get easily insulted or nitpick an insult and get hurt. Then I will crave being alone like Im throwing a tantrum. When they come after me to apologise I always cry so much and get too emotional, but in some way its like Im getting something I need inside and it always happens again, only with people I really care about. Now Im suspecting it happens when I get paranoid about their intentions suddenly too, maybe my brain constantly tries to find a way to recreate this situation where Im offended and get high when close ones show how they care.

Can someone explain this at all? I feel like a horrible person because of this, and on top of that I feel pathetic. Im a male and too old to be this weak... I cant go on like this abusing everyone around me.

Me too.

If you have BPD, then it sounds like quite a normal thing. I've done it plenty of times before, become insulted at something critical another said, even if it was constructive and not malicious, and "retreat to my sanction" to be alone. I do have this emptiness about me though, one of the reasons I sort of align myself with SPD traits, and don't really show much emotion other than hostility at times. But that's just me; what you describe is not something to be ashamed of.

Are they aware of your diagnosis and the fact that it affects you in this way? Understanding is basically the foundation of "adapting" to personality disorders.