Attachment Forming

Do you guys find making friends difficult? Strangely I don't, I find myself making friends quite easily and able to interact at a healthy level with them 90% of the time (apart from the odd meltdown).

I can form relationships with friends easily, I just have massive issues with authoritarian relationships.

Anyone relate? Or any thoughts?

Im the same, i make friends very easily and have never had a "crowed" of friends just 1 or 2 best friends, and dont have jealously/envy or any other emotion just good feelings for them.

Its in relationships that my attachments starts

I end up getting too attached and then dont know where to draw the line. like i'd imagine being besties with the person, and going on trips.

Yes I am the same! I think a lot of people relate BPD with the inability to form relationships, but it's not the forming relationships I struggle with, it's the forming of healthy close relationships that's hard because I always end up getting too intense for people. Glad I'm not alone with that. Having moved to a new place with new people, I am massively struggling to find a 'best friend'. In my head I feel like I need one straight away and I don't realise that I need to build up relationships, I can't just snap my fingers and voila. That's hard for me, I feel like I have nobody to talk to and it feeds into my self destruction

floralgiraffes wrote:Yes I am the same! I think a lot of people relate BPD with the inability to form relationships, but it's not the forming relationships I struggle with, it's the forming of healthy close relationships that's hard because I always end up getting too intense for people. Glad I'm not alone with that. Having moved to a new place with new people, I am massively struggling to find a 'best friend'. In my head I feel like I need one straight away and I don't realise that I need to build up relationships, I can't just snap my fingers and voila. That's hard for me, I feel like I have nobody to talk to and it feeds into my self destruction

I have moved to a small village and yes i have that same problem, i miss the closeness of a friend ..i need to talk i need human contact and yes i feel that when i dont have what i need then i self destruct ...but atm i am actually content with daily communication with my ex (yes i know odd i know, he broke the NC himself) but it gives me a sense of being needed, its odd but even my attachment to need sex has gone, its like he is teaching me that sex isnt love (ive always struggled with that) but still healthy lessons i dont mind learning (self refection and all that)

My friends i have all come to me for advice, its always been that way. but when i need help (i dont want to burden them with my stuff) so i stayed quiet, until recently. i still feel bad when i ask for help (childhood abuse)

I can't just snap my fingers and voila. That's hard for me, I feel like I have nobody to talk to and it feeds into my self destruction

Your not alone, i think actually the same, but ive learnt to lower my expectations of others so im not as "needy" now

when i was younger i had always best friends very very close.i changed best friend every some years. i have stopped talking to almost all of them. i thought it was life circumstances.now i am kind of lost after something bad happened personal.
also i am more depressed than back them.
i can make friends but i can not connect with them anymore .only superficial is ok. and if i can not feel connected or find attachment i do not enjoy it and i feel alone. this is problematic . is like i can make easy friends but i can not at the same time.
i mean is easy for me to be supeficially likeable but is incredibly difficult to find the connection that i do not feel alone. i feel that younger it was easier. or school university hobbies etc makes you meet more people more easy .jobs suck.you cannot do much or meet interesting people

What about forming friendships with the other gender, especially between male(like me) to females ? does is usually becomes a crush(and invariable , trouble) ? if not , have you found something to do to prevent it ?

I end up forming new relationships really quickly - I end up sharing a lot about myself or asking them a lot about themselves so that we feel bonded quickly because I hate the small talk about weather and such banalities.

The problem I have now is that I treat my coworkers like friends, but really everyone is here to work and don't have a lot of time for chit chat. I don't have friends outside of work because since I started working full time almost a decade ago, I don't have time for friendships outside of work. I have my fiance and my 3 children and my 6 cats and that is about it. My fiance is my best friend and I love it that way because we are very close and all, but I would like more conversations during my work day.

I am hoping to be in a bigger law firm when my boss finally retires in a couple of years and I hope to have other legal assistants to chat with and not be surrounded by busy lawyers any longer.

And I have always had guy friends too, but only at work. Or I had them in school too. I certainly would not be spending my free time in the evenings or the weekends with another man when I have a fiance.

-- Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:56 am --

I forgot to mention that when I was younger, my attachment to friends was pretty bad where I had to have one best friend and if she hung out with someone else, I hated it. Even with my last best friend years ago, I still wanted to be her main and best friend and we were for years.

I usually saved my worst behaviours for the men in my life - until my fiance I thought I was totally incapable of having a happy relationship - I would fall to pieces if the guy couldn't come over when he was supposed to and I would try to get the guy to stay over at my place for as long as I could by doing their laundry, making them meals, being extra good in bed and giving massages - it was truly pathetic what I was willing to do to keep a guy around.

wildcat972 wrote:What about forming friendships with the other gender, especially between male(like me) to females ? does is usually becomes a crush(and invariable , trouble) ? if not , have you found something to do to prevent it ?

With the opposite sex, I feel I desperately want a relationship more than anything. But if I come close to one, or even just talking to someone I get scared and usually back off which feeds into my loneliness. I also have trouble deciphering my sexuality which is extremely frustrating for me, and confusing. I think with friends are my 'strong relationship points' whereas romantic relationships, and relationships with authority figures are my low points.
And no, I have no idea how to prevent myself from acting how I do.

Does anyone else get VERY angry at people telling you to 'help yourself?'
I've ended up in hospital 4 times in the past three months as a cry for help yet I'm always told to 'help myself'

floralgiraffes wrote:

wildcat972 wrote:What about forming friendships with the other gender, especially between male(like me) to females ? does is usually becomes a crush(and invariable , trouble) ? if not , have you found something to do to prevent it ?

With the opposite sex, I feel I desperately want a relationship more than anything. But if I come close to one, or even just talking to someone I get scared and usually back off which feeds into my loneliness. I also have trouble deciphering my sexuality which is extremely frustrating for me, and confusing. I think with friends are my 'strong relationship points' whereas romantic relationships, and relationships with authority figures are my low points.
And no, I have no idea how to prevent myself from acting how I do.

Does anyone else get VERY angry at people telling you to 'help yourself?'
I've ended up in hospital 4 times in the past three months as a cry for help yet I'm always told to 'help myself'

YES.

I had a best friend who I now seem to have driven away by being too needy. She was the one who always got upset with people telling me to help myself. Now she's doing it too and now not even talking to me.

Scared I will do the same with my other friends. Feel like I can't trust people anymore.

I am too despairing to help myself right now. I think she thought by leaving it would give me space to do that, yet ironically I am now way too upset about her to want to do anything to help myself. Just self-destructing.

I am very prone to limerence too. Googling shows that people with BPD may be more likely to be limerent. For those who don't know what this means- basically an addiction to a person that arises out of a crush and develops into 'this person is hot they will solve all my problems'. Instead it just brings more upset.