Older BPD - say, 45+

Wondering if anyone on this board is older and struggling with BPD. I'm 53. I tend to be fairly high-functioning, and some of the classic behaviors of BPD no longer fit. But I struggle with constant mood swings, over-reactive anger, splitting, and other things. Most of the people I know have no idea, which just makes it more lonely. I went through DBT skills training but it didn't help much - I have not been able to find good treatment that I can afford, despite being in NYC. It amazes me that most programs don't take insurance - exactly who are they trying to treat, given that most BPD folks have trouble holding jobs. (I am fortunate that I am employed, and mostly have been employed since my mid-20s, although I've lot a lot of jobs and had to take a couple of FMLA leaves.)

I feel like I've run out of time and resources.

I am 49 and wasn't diagnosed with BPD until last year. I did have a different diagnosis for a while though but not until I was 39. Until then I had no real dealings with the mental health service, though I recognise now that a lot of stuff was BPD I just didn't know that.

Sorry if this seems an odd question, but are you male or female? I am female and around 39 the menopause hit so my hormones went a bit crazy, as did I. For me, that I think was the reason the BPD showed up then. Of course if you are male this is of no help whatsoever!

My problem with the hormones is that my mood swings became even more extreme - like road raging anger type extreme. I took some hormones and suddenly life was calm again. The main problem for me now is depression and avoidance.

Anyway just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

What was the DBT training like? I'm down to have some early next year and was hoping it would "save" me

wow...i thought bpd faded with age.

I am female...and yes, menopause has knocked me for a loop. It's hard to figure out how much it is impacting me given other factors.

My experience has been that certain symptoms of BPD actually DO decrease with age - particularly some of the impulsiveness and self-harming, which I don't do anymore. I still have a lot of problems with emotional reactivity - I think the difference is that I tend to turn it on myself rather than others. I haven't found that relationships have gotten easier, but I've learned to distance myself somewhat. I realize that is not the optimal answer, but it has helped.

i have a question.for @Remember Ronni too. how were you when you were 25 or 30? does it need a traumatic experience to get worse? i wonder if you could understand if you had something younger?

julllia wrote:i have a question.for @Remember Ronni too. how were you when you were 25 or 30? does it need a traumatic experience to get worse? i wonder if you could understand if you had something younger?

In my 20s I was probably more wild and impulsive. Lots of short lived relationships, sometimes more than one relationship at a time. On impulse after a row with my Dad I took a job in New York a few days later. I lived there for about a year. Then I came home and became a lawyer. I look back now and I can see the issues I had. There were mental health issues - mood swings, depression, a bit of a drinking problem.

My 30s were not so great. Started off really well, good job, bought my own house. But then my parents separated which affected me a lot - not the fact they'd split up but the emotional stuff they both put me through trying to involve me in it all. Then my Dad died. My Mum who most likely has BPD fell apart and then decided to have pretend cancer for about a year. Then she started disowning me every five minutes. I had a cancer scare too. Needed an operation. But the nail in the coffin for me was a relationship that broke down with me getting arrested for harassment (sending too many apology emails). And that's when I lost it at 39.

10Q wrote:I am female...and yes, menopause has knocked me for a loop. It's hard to figure out how much it is impacting me given other factors.

Sorry I missed that comment. For me what I noticed was the mood swings changed quite dramatically. They became really extreme - so I'd be snapping at everyone, or crying at work and I was quite prone to road rage too. Which is so not like me. My mood swings and my emotions felt out of my control. For me, with the BPD stuff it's all internal, I rarely act out and keep my emotions to myself. Once the menopause hit I started acting out. I also felt like I had no control over my emotions too. But I was given the Pill (as HRT) and I went back to being me again.

I think depression can be much worse, anxiety too with the menopause but I also developed insomnia which is something I've never suffered from before.

But BPD and the menopause is not an easy mix.