Break ups

I am currently dealing with the break up of a year and a half long relationship. This is not the first time my significant other has tried to terminate the relationship. I am fairly new at trying to deal with my borderline personality disorder but I have since started seeing a councillor and have been referred to a group at a local hospital, although I think the wait list time is considerable.
When in a break up situation, I feel as though my emotions are uncontrollable. I can be rational one minute and tell myself I will be alright, that someone who I am meant to be with will walk along with me despite my mental health issues.. and then complete hopelessness. Not wanting to do anything, talk to anyone.. constant crying. It hurts so bad.
What hurts the most is that last time we discussed staying together, I made sure he knew that it would take a lot of work and that he was willing to put that in.. and now, two months down the road, my efforts are deemed to be not enough. I feel like this is unfair because I know that I'm trying..
I don't really know what I expect as a response to this post. Am I looking for comfort? Am I looking for someone to tell me they feel this as well to believe that I at least have a semblance of normalcy? Am I looking for someone to tell me we can still work on this? I don't really know.. so anything you can share or say, I appreciate.
I just wish he was open to seeking counselling with me as I believe this could help incredibly because it is not easy to understand a BPD partner and I don't always understand his rationale either because I don't think the same way. Anybody been in a couple's counselling setting and find that the help was considerable?
Thanks again for any support..

In my opinion, if your ex tried to terminate the r/s is probably that he has set borders that he apparently can't cross. Wanting to make things work out is not the same as doing to make things work out.

Now, the question maybe that you should ask yourself is why do the things don't seem to be working out between you? Does he have problems of his own too that prevent him to feel ready to any kind of commitment?

I totally understand your being rational one minute and then totally emotional the next - it is perfectly normal to feel bad after any break-up, particularly when he promised you he was prepared to do the work to make it work with you.

I found that I felt better when I allowed myself to feel angry after break-ups - it gave me the strength and motivation to get over whomever it was and to move on. Like I had a routine of washing all of my bedding to kind of wash him out of my life.

But it sounds like you are hoping he will decide to come back - and he might - but having a cycle of breaking up and getting back together isn't good either. I find after a year and a half of doing this, I would end up breaking up with them. It is just too much to be worrying every day on making it work and being constantly anxious that they are going to desert you.

It doesn't feel like it now, but you will get through this and you will feel better day by day.

Hello Preciousillusion.

I just wanted to say, even though I'm a guy, I know how you feel. It's very deep hurt and you're probably wishing all the time for your ex[?] partner to at least come and see you. I just want you to know that whatever happens you're going to be okay and eventually there will come a day when you'll realize you've gotten through all this in one piece. Just take things slowly, nurture your heart, and don't worry, it's going be okay, honestly.

All the best.

Hi Preciousillusion,

I'm really sorry you're going through this. 6 months ago, I was exactly the same (my first post on this community was ''I can't imagine my life without him). I was hopeless and my life was almost unbearable.

Whether you have BPD or you don't, break ups are painful. So don't blame yourself for feeling that way, accept it. Embrace the pain, forgive yourself for feeling it, and you will move on. Just allow yourself time to. You need it, and you deserve it. The pain will go away, I promise. Not today, not tomorrow. But it will.

With a lot of help from my relatives and DBT, I have learnt that they are people too and they have their own feelings. And it wasn't fair for both of us to prolong the pain we were going through at the time. I think about my ex almost every week and I still miss him. But I realized with the time that I was idealizing him too much. Our realtionship was far from perfect.

Ella1729 wrote: (my first post on this community was ''I can't imagine my life without him). I was hopeless and my life was almost unbearable.

I remember your first post Ella , and yes i totally agree you have overcome so much in that time ..you have done great x