Any one else feel this?

I have an overwhelming fear of abandonment the minute I am in any kind of relationship, I am sure that is nothing new to a lot of people with BPD like myself.

But at the same time I constantly question in my head if they are the right person to be with. Even if they are putting up with all the BPD $#%^ that is associated with being round me.

I find myself loving someone dearly, worrying about being abandoned and yet questioning if I should be with them; I'm sure that's a contradiction.

yes i have this. even when a colleague leaves i get upset like the whole family is breaking away. though i dont speak with many colleagues in the office, have no friends as such still i get upset if i hear someone is leaving.

it's like i have an imaginary family in my mind.

there was a time when i would lie in bed n imagine my friends cajoling me and looking after me n giving me attention like they're my guardians.

now i dont have many friends. at times i get fed up of my own cheesiness.

I have felt like that with every single romantic relationship I have ever had - even my fiance that I have been with for 4 years, I really worried at the beginning because I was SO AFRAID of being hurt. It is so hard to let people close to you when they have the ability to cause you so much pain without hardly doing anything.

You have to just feel the feelings and move through them and try not to act out on them. Before I met my fiance, I spent over 3 years alone reading about healthy relationships and what they look like and how they feel. I thought you had to have drama and break ups and huge fights and really with my guy now, it is like rowing gently down the stream. I used to almost find it boring to have such a healthy relationship. I also read a lot about love addiction and these books helped me to move through the feelings so if I didn't hear from him for a day or two, I didn't call him to freak out that he didn't care about me. I would give myself 48 hours to feel like total anxiety and then I would end up calling him.

I also questioned myself if he was the right guy for me because at the time we didn't seem to have all that much in common. We moved in together after over 3 years of dating, so I think that taking things really slow helped me with the panic.

Triplemoon could you please tell me what books?

Sure -
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody,
Is it Love or is it Addiction by Brenda Schaeffer,
Women Who Love too Much by Robin Norwood,
Addiction to Love - Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody

shame -steve mcqueen

triplemoon18 wrote:Sure -
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody,
Is it Love or is it Addiction by Brenda Schaeffer,
Women Who Love too Much by Robin Norwood,
Addiction to Love - Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody

Thank you

triplemoon18 wrote:Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody, Is it Love or is it Addiction by Brenda Schaeffer,Women Who Love too Much by Robin Norwood, Addiction to Love - Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody

Thank you so much for these titles. I'm literally buying them today. Anyone you suggest stronger over the other? I definitely have love addiction and feel like Im not complete without him and if there is too much radio silence I freak out bad.

wind runner wrote:I have an overwhelming fear of abandonment the minute I am in any kind of relationship, I am sure that is nothing new to a lot of people with BPD like myself.But at the same time I constantly question in my head if they are the right person to be with. Even if they are putting up with all the BPD sh1t that is associated with being round me.I find myself loving someone dearly, worrying about being abandoned and yet questioning if I should be with them; I'm sure that's a contradiction.

Jesus Christ yes!!! In almost all of my intimate relationships. And I hold on too tight. Reveal too much in the beginning. Trust too fast. I cling too tight. With my current relationship since its long distance I do this 10x more. Then out of nowhere....I'll just go numb and wonder if he's right for me. Even though he supports me through my BPD.

This love addiction I suffer from really rules my day and nights. Causes me to mess up on jobs or commitments to people because Im so debilitated when the person doesn't focus on me and shower me with their love and most of attention.

Love addiction has been mentioned quite a bit in this thread.

Anyone care to elaborate?

On a side note started with new therapist and she seems right on the money, yay

Lexa1978 - I think the first one I read was Women Who Love too Much and then I just kept on reading and reading whatever I could find on the subject. I know I read a couple memoirs too, but have since donated all of those books because we moved last year. The memoirs were really really good - I will try to remember which ones I read - One of them spoke about literally sitting on your hands and letting him call you because he knows where you are. I wasn't very good at that, but I could make myself wait 2 days before calling him and usually he would call by then and if I did call him first, I didn't look like this needy freak.

-- Wed Jul 13, 2016 1:48 pm --

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