Avoiding relationships

I was in a relationship where I would break up and get back together with the person. Finally she met someone else and I was completely devastated.

I had no idea about BPD back then,I had no idea why things happened the way they did, I was unable to understand my feelings and was in heavy depression for about 3 years then just traumatic nightmares after that.

It was my first serious relationship, and the last. That was about 20 years ago. Anyone else experience something like this?

For about 9 years (I lose track) I was diagnosed with Avoidant PD because I avoid relationships, all relationships. I've been single for 10 years. I went quite loopy when the last one broke down. I think I've been so fearful of that happening again and wondering whether I'd actually survive it a second time that it feels safer just to avoid the situation. I am now diagnosed with BPD but am still avoiding everyone.

I avoided romantic relationship for years at a time because I thought I was incapable of being happy in a relationship. But the long years of being alone and lonely weren't better either, so I would try again and again and again.

I read a lot of books about love addiction and these really helped me to live through my fears of abandonment and to be in a healthy relationship - I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and we moved in together after 3 years of dating.

I think it helps because he is a real introvert with no other friends and family that lives far away, so really I am his whole life and he is mine. He is also a very calm person, very supportive and understanding. If I start to freak out, he is quick to calm me down with affection, apologies, whatever to keep me happy. I don't think I could be this happy with any other person in the world but him. Like my mom once said - he is the one person in my life who doesn't push my buttons.

That is so great to hear triplemoon. There is hope.

I'm an avoider in general but I'm in a highly dysfunctional on/off relationship right now. He really pushes my buttons.

How did you meet this wonderful man?

Littlewing - I actually met him in a bar - one day decided to go to this local pub and see if I could get out there and meet someone in person - seeing as online dating was just horrible with all the excitement and disappointment and the games. So i made myself go there, a woman sitting alone and then about an hour later he was sitting in front of me and I just really had my eye on him and was checking him out and when I went outside for a cigarette - he came out to talk to me. He is actually really shy and had been lonely and wanting to meet someone as much as I did and he felt compelled to go to the bar that night too. So we feel like it was meant to be, like we were both pulled by fate to go there. Funny we met at a bar and now we have quit drinking since 18 months ago.

I still can't believe my good fortune in meeting him too - he is so kind, supportive and wonderful - never thought could be with someone normal. I guess that is what is different about him - I think every other guy I was with before was either borderline or narcissistic or had mommy issues or I was codependent etc. This guy is the only normal guy I gave a chance to and I was 39 when I met him.

Wow, great story. Thanks for sharing. I'm 39 right now and feel like I'll never meet someone who doesn't make me crazy.

There is one guy I've dated on and off for ten years that doesn't push my buttons, but he is a major commitment-phobe and has gotten even worse with age. I tell him the stuff I've done in other relationships, and he has a hard time believing I'm capable of that behavior. There have been some BAD situations.

Littlewing - you will be able to meet a great guy - you just have to keep trying and meeting new guys until the right one comes along and you just click. You keep kissing frogs - one of them will turn into a prince.

Thanks triplemoon. I sure hope so.

I recently got on "a dating site* and it was my very first try at online dating. I met a sort of promising guy but the sex was really violent and actually really traumatized me. So... needless to say, I'm a bit put off by online dating.

littlewing wrote:Thanks triplemoon. I sure hope so.

I recently got on "a dating site* and it was my very first try at online dating. I met a sort of promising guy but the sex was really violent and actually really traumatized me. So... needless to say, I'm a bit put off by online dating.

*Mod mode*
Had to remove dating site name, as we try and keep anonymous as possible
/end of mod mode

I do actually worry about my next relationship ..looking for red flags etc...and i do feel that i am sabotaging my happiness a little bit.

I also do online dating and its been ok, but we have to be careful, number1 stay safe

Yes, I learned an important lesson about staying safe. I am an online dating rookie, but I was still an idiot to go to his house on the second date. What really disappointed me is how I froze and couldn't tell him how uncomfortable I was. But I'm sure that's a common reaction to situations like that.

I have a new therapist who is really delving into my feeling of being unlovable and unworthy. I think once we make some progress there, I can think about giving dating another go. In the meantime, I still have my unhealthy friend with benefits situation...