Disclosing mental illness at work

Has anyone here told their boss or co-workers about their mental health issues? I told one of my co-workers who was also a good friend, and she ended up telling others, including my boss. I was wondering if anyone else had a situation like this and if so, how did they handle it? I'm mad at my friend now and am worried my boss sees me differently. I'm so mad I don't even want to talk to my friend anymore, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting

Definitely not overreacting. Your friend really ###$ up. In some situations it's actually illegal to discuss another person's medical history without their consent. This is why you sign privacy statements at the doctor's office, or why the nursing home Grandma's at won't discuss her medical or psychiatric conditions with you without authorization.

In your friend's case, it wasn't illegal, obviously, but it really was a huge, huge, huge breach of trust. This person, in my opinion, is not your friend.

I don't discuss my mental problems at work. If I walked up to my boss and said "so I'm pretty sure I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder" I'm 110% sure I'd be treated differently. People would probably keep trying to "knock me down a peg" so to speak, and perceive every complaint as some kind of narcissistic injury and drama. I would no longer be allowed to just have a bad day, it would just be my mental problems causing drama (which they do from time to time and I blame it on anxiety making me irritable and whiny).

And heaven forbid I mention "borderline".

Have you discussed what happened with your boss? Is there any way to convince him that rumors of your mental illness are greatly exaggerated?

This was a really rough outcome for you. It's always going to require a leap of faith to put your mental health status out there, especially at work. It's a brave thing to do... Don't beat yourself up that on this occasion it didn't go so well. None of us have impeccable records when it comes to choosing the right people to put our trust into. For whatever reason, your friend didn't honour your confidence. Try not to make it a black and white situation tho, there could be loads of reasons for screwing up, and not all of them that she/he is an awful person. That doesn't mean you have to keep trusting them with sensitive information though! But also, don't stop giving people the chance to let you down. Else you'll lose out on the possibility that they wont!

Personally, I want to be open with everyone in my life about my diagnosis, BPD, as (for me) it is part of living an authentic life. I've had to make some changes in order to facilitate that though. For example, I am in the process of changing career from the media to mental health nursing. That's quite extreme, but incredibly validating! It also means I don't have to pretend to be anything other than myself, and that's very liberating as well.

Keep your chin up. Ok, so this time you didn't get the supportive reaction you deserved. That's hurtful. But survivable. As long as you keep being ok with who you are, other people's reactions matter less. Please, keep sharing your true self.

1. I would NOT discuss the issue with your boss and here's why... with regards to your boss it's just hearsay. the moment you have a discussion and bring up the issue then it's no longer hearsay because it's coming directly from you. it wouldn't necessarily be held against you, at least intentionally, but people have their own preconceived ideas of what mental illness is and how it may or may not affect a person's capabilities. The best thing to do would be to ignore it. It would be inappropriate, possibly illegal (lawyer would have to answer that), for your boss/supervisor to initiate any kind of conversation where your mental health becomes a topic for discussion.

2. it shouldn't be discussed with your co-workers either. the more you discuss it the more validity you give it. If anyone should bring it up with you then try and make your "friend" look crazy by saying she must've misunderstood something you said or took something the wrong way.

3. search youtube "how to make a voodoo doll" and then construct one of your friend.

What laws apply? In some places there are employment laws protecting persons with diagnosed medical or mental health conditions. If you have a formal diagnosis then it can work to your advantage to disclose to your HR department or immediate supervisor.

That is so rude!

I have had people disclose personal things about me at work too and it's not right. I wouldn't talk to anyone else unless it becomes an issue, but I think it would be appropriate to talk to the person who spread it. Say something along the lines of: When I shared that with you it was something I shared in confidence. I'm sure you didn't mean to be hurtful by telling people but it's something that I would rather bring up with others on my own, when I trust them. It would mean a lot if it could be that way from now on.

I said something along those lines to a friend recently, as I don't want to have my past "outed" accidentally at my new job - she was totally understanding. Someone who appreciates you will understand that and will respect your wishes. If not - then it's not a healthy dynamic and you'd have to re-evaluate your approach.

Una+ wrote:What laws apply? In some places there are employment laws protecting persons with diagnosed medical or mental health conditions. If you have a formal diagnosis then it can work to your advantage to disclose to your HR department or immediate supervisor.

In regards to your advice (assuming the original poster is in the U.S.).... It's bad advice if their not seeking an accommodation and it appears their not from what they wrote! There's the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), as well as, Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and probably state laws which will have similar requirements.

1. FMLA is unpaid and has a variety of stipulations in order to qualify for it such as hours worked, number of employees etc., and would also require medical certification.

2. ADA requires a company to provide a REASONABLE accommodation, also the employee would need to provide medical documentation and how it would apply to the accommodation being requested. The employee has rights, but so does the employer.

So assuming the original poster is in the U.S. and they don't need nor are they requesting an accommodation there is no benefit in disclosing medical/mental conditions to an employer. However if they feel the need to discuss or clarify it with their employer then by all means they should do so, but I see no advantage in doing that.

cboxpalace wrote:In regards to your advice (assuming the original poster is in the U.S.).... It's bad advice if their not seeking an accommodation [...]

I offered no advice.

If there is harassment because of mental illness or because of stereotypes about mental illness, then disclosing may provide specific legal protections. Again, no advice. If I were to offer advice it would be this: consult a reference librarian at a library in your local jurisdiction to discover what laws apply and read up on them.

I'll tell you what I've done, and you can take whatever you want from it.

I have told my boss, as well as HR. I told them because, following a major vehicle crash that I was in a couple of years back, I was diagnosed with BPD (among other things) and was put into therapy. Since the sessions were during work hours, I figured they needed to know why I was away from work so often.

It has proven beneficial for me to have told them. As the head of HR has put it in casual but private conversation with me, she is aware of my "colorful" incidents at work, but as of yet, I have not been officially reprimanded. In truth, I should have been at least fired, if not arrested for one or two of my reactions.

I'm not saying this because I'm proud that I "got away" with it or anything like that, because I'm not. It's because they knew that I have an emotional hair trigger and I am working hard on it (and overall, they're seeing the positive results), so they give me a pass here and there, for which I am very appreciative.

That said, I have not told ANY of my co-workers. There's no way in hell I trust them that much.


With that out of the way, here's my commentary on your situation:

Your friend ain't no friend. Your "friend" is a rat, plain and simple. You're not overreacting; I have a number of close friends (who do not have BPD) who would beat the hell out of someone who tattled on them, without giving it a second thought. If you're just not talking to this person anymore, she should count her blessings.

I'd never do that unless it means I get more pay or more days off or whatever and even then only to my boss.