Gaslighting

Someone tried to gaslight me not long ago but the attempt was so obvious I saw right through it.

We were driving around the city having an argument and then they couldn't find their pack of cigarettes and accused me of throwing it out the window. I knew I hadn't but they said they saw me do it. Then started to use that an excuse to verbally abuse and harass me.

A little bit later the pack of cigarettes magically turned up again. They accused me of hiding it just to mess with them.

I knew I had done neither of those things.

Other cases its much less obvious and its a horrible feeling of having your sense of reality messed with. It has happened to me where I just feel confused like "What the eff just happened?! Am I losing my mind?!" After lots of introspection I concluded I was probably being gaslighted.... Although if you can't "prove" it, the sense of confusion and disorientation doesn't fully go away for a long time.

Being gaslighted is one of the worse things IMO.

I agree with Purple, you can't "unintentionally" gaslight someone. Its usually done on purpose.

MotherRussia wrote:I knew I hadn't but they said they saw me do it.
(...)
I knew I had done neither of those things.

It's interesting how you say "I knew i hadn't" instead of "I hadn't".

As if there was or had been some slight doubt, although you are you and know what you do.

This is consequence of gaslighting, yes. Begin to doubt of the most evident thing.

Philonoe wrote:

MotherRussia wrote:I knew I hadn't but they said they saw me do it.
(...)
I knew I had done neither of those things.

It's interesting how you say "I knew i hadn't" instead of "I hadn't".

As if there was or had been some slight doubt, although you are you and know what you do.

This is consequence of gaslighting, yes. Begin to doubt of the most evident thing.

Exactly.... Because its hard to believe the other person could truly be acting so irrationally.

Why tell me they saw me throw a pack of cigarettes out the window if its not true?

It makes no sense. So a person starts to question... "Did I do it and I don't remember?"

"Did I do it and I don't remember?"

I go by my feelings. If something isn't in my memory, then there's no reason to believe that it ever happened. That doesn't mean that it didn't happen, but memory is the closest thing we have to evidence of the past WITHOUT real, hard evidence. There isn't always a solid answer to things, so when that's the case, our feelings are our most reliable source for the truth.

The other person's memory could be faulty as well, if they're not gaslighting you. They could be "remembering" something that never happened.

Purple 8 wrote:

"Did I do it and I don't remember?"

I go by my feelings. If something isn't in my memory, then there's no reason to believe that it ever happened. That doesn't mean that it didn't happen, but memory is the closest thing we have to evidence of the past WITHOUT real, hard evidence. There isn't always a solid answer to things, so when that's the case, our feelings are our most reliable source for the truth.

The other person's memory could be faulty as well, if they're not gaslighting you. They could be "remembering" something that never happened.

Werd.

Purple 8 wrote:

Angelina88 wrote:I think I'm being gaslighted by my mother ugh.

If you tell me in what way(s) you believe that she's gaslighting you, then maybe I can provide you with some helpful advice on how to deal with it. I've been a victim of gaslighting.

Well, she made me think I was a gaslighter. And she makes me question myself, she makes me paranoid of others.

The best way to deal with a gaslighgter, is to not deal with them at all.

My mother is a chronic gaslighter. I agree with the theory that it is done deliberately. They're aware.

Currently wondering if this scenario is gaslighting.
A person intentionally creates a schism regarding a specific part of the body, her versus me. By making sarcastic notions, with reference that my plain existence cause the dissension between us.
What do you do? Ignore it? How many times?
Even though the absolute truth is that I had not even noticed it, but I appreciate her just for her personality. But the deliberate "gaslighting" inevitably erode our margins.
The solution, I remove her of my friends, she removes me from her friends, or she works with it to get it over with.
The truth, the matter is already on the table, it can not overcome, and the person has already demonstrated their own bad faith and intentionally underestimated me as a person.

As others have said, gaslighting is the intentional manipulation of others into questioning their own sanity, for various goals. Because the memories, especially emotional memory of someone with BPD can be poor, people think pwBPD are "gaslighters". But how is it gaslighting if you really DON'T remember? I can see someone with BPD being a gaslighter if they have comorbid NPD or ASPD traits (and even not everyone with those two disorders engages in gaslighting btw), but I just don't see this kind of Machiavellianism being in the repertoire of your average pwBPD.

NimplyDinply wrote:As others have said, gaslighting is the intentional manipulation of others into questioning their own sanity, for various goals. Because the memories, especially emotional memory of someone with BPD can be poor, people think pwBPD are "gaslighters". But how is it gaslighting if you really DON'T remember? I can see someone with BPD being a gaslighter if they have comorbid NPD or ASPD traits (and even not everyone with those two disorders engages in gaslighting btw), but I just don't see this kind of Machiavellianism being in the repertoire of your average pwBPD.

This is where I don't know if what I do qualifies as gaslighting. My memory of events is typically fine, but I will still deny the reality of those events, insist something else happened, to try to make myself right and the other person wrong.

It isn't something calculatingly done over long periods of time, it's more along the lines of me denying I said or did something, you're obviously mistaken, I'm pretty sure that was so and so who said/did that, I don't remember saying that at all. It is intentional, not due to poor memory, it's just me not wanting to take responsibility for my actions.

It seems so minor though, I don't think it qualifies.