Good or Bad idea? (sexual content)

Question...and random thoughts: Revenge closure sex (50 shades of grey type thing) good or bad idea ? (found out a few things and im kinda in shock but its quite a turn on too)

I'll be honest here and say that it sounds like a horrible idea. Very slippery slope. Are you sure of his intentions? Like maybe he has an ulterior motive? Seems odd that this would come up, out of the blue, after a year or so. You're a big girl and you know the situation better than I, but I still think it will not turn out well...I could be wrong. Only way I'd sex an ex is if we were back together first, otherwise there is too much baggage and too much chance someone will get very hurt.

What if he really likes it and wants to continue after the first time?

Thanks jabber,
That was the dilemma i faced ..not for me but for him. i have always said that he will one day regret not listening to me regarding the situation we were in (N-mother) so our spiral was always because of no privacy = no sex, no sex = me frustrated and irritated = relationship doomed
(i need sex)

But now it has cleared up why we didn't have much sex
I always waited for him to make the move (out of respect for him being shy and inexperienced) and withdrawn / he always waited for me to make the move because "i know now" hes a SUB in the bedroom, (just in the bedroom he said)

In a way i feel it will be good for me ...but not for him, will he attach again and then it wont be only the once like you said, that was my dilemma ...

I have some thinking to do

thanks jabber as always for your advice

sex is sex do you need an excuse?

madjoe wrote:sex is sex do you need an excuse?

Nope, that's just it i don't , and i do want some i have never been single this long ever and if he wants the dom in me to be out then ..i don't see a problem.
I have no romantic feelings for him now, just the desire for sex ..and if hes "offering" which is extremely rare...why not (its what i think) but its my lady parts speaking and not my head so ...

I've used exes for sex before and it seems harmless. I get what I want, they get what they claim they want.

Then they get clingy. And whiny. It's incredibly annoying and so not worth a shag. And don't get me started on the ######6 crying and begging.

Lusid wrote:I've used exes for sex before and it seems harmless. I get what I want, they get what they claim they want.

Then they get clingy. And whiny. It's incredibly annoying and so not worth a shag. And don't get me started on the ######6 crying and begging.

I see what you mean but that's were we are slightly different, i like to feel sexually wanted ..i like to be in control and take what i need but (why he hid this part from me until now) thats what i cant understand ..i would have loved to have known this side of him before, i can be quite dom when i want to be ..though i like both sides i think its nice to have them both.

Wouldn't this heal the damage that he did "withholding" sex from me = my loosing myself?
i mean the Trauma side of the whole situation ?
Our situation as i said was about lack of sex , no privacy coz of mother inlaw neediness, and my irritability of not being heard and respected for my needs (always was about them)
This gives me some sort of control back ..doesnt it ?

Echinacea wrote:I see what you mean but that's were we are slightly different, i like to feel sexually wanted ..i like to be in control and take what i need but (why he hid this part from me until now) thats what i cant understand ..i would have loved to have known this side of him before, i can be quite dom when i want to be ..though i like both sides i think its nice to have them both.

Wouldn't this heal the damage that he did "withholding" sex from me = my loosing myself?
i mean the Trauma side of the whole situation ?
Our situation as i said was about lack of sex , no privacy coz of mother inlaw neediness, and my irritability of not being heard and respected for my needs (always was about them)
This gives me some sort of control back ..doesnt it ?

I don't know if we're that different, I need to feel sexually wanted as well and I'm violently dominant. That being said I don't like passives or true submissives, I need a fight.

Anyway. If you think this is an opportunity to take back some of what you were missing out on, go ahead. No harm done. Just be aware that things can get weird and emotional on his behalf, and if that happens I think you're best off keeping up the hardline dominance. Don't cater to the emotions of whiny exes. But again, I don't know this guy so maybe he's more pragmatic and can keep things simple.

Lusid wrote:I don't know if we're that different, I need to feel sexually wanted as well and I'm violently dominant. That being said I don't like passives or true submissives, I need a fight.

Totally understand
And yes i see we are very similar in this regard (im not violent though) he isnt the whiny type ..silent type unless battling against my rage then he can hold his own

Lusid wrote:Anyway. If you think this is an opportunity to take back some of what you were missing out on, go ahead. No harm done. Just be aware that things can get weird and emotional on his behalf, and if that happens I think you're best off keeping up the hardline dominance. Don't cater to the emotions of whiny exes. But again, I don't know this guy so maybe he's more pragmatic and can keep things simple.

Yes i will keep it strictly "for me" ...and hopefully once is enough to feel "im back" sort of

[As requested ]

blackandwhiterainbow wrote:

Echinacea wrote:Thank you, makes a lot of sense ...he wants me to punish him for how he treated me lol...

Hi Ech ! It's funny because I had myself this fantasy about my ex. I felt so hurt and angry but I was still very attracted by him, as a result I wanted to have sex with him while slapping him, pulling his hair and giving him orders. He said he would have liked it a lot. This was the first time I had this fantasy, I much prefer when I'm the one in the sub role...

Anyway, please be careful, it could be a mean of control by using sex...

I would add "bad idea in my opinion" (but oh I know that the temptation is strong... I couldn't blame you if you answered positively to your ex)