Just been officially diagnosed BPD *sigh*

After having almost a full day to process this and research it...Well, I am here now. I had heard of BPD before but never really looked into it. After struggling with depression and anxiety most of my life, I just thought that the meds and therapies that never worked just indicated that I was beyond hope. But after having another relationship follow the SAME pattern that they always do, I sought out therapy again. That's when it finally clicked for the new therapist to ask me questions than I had never been asked before and linked all my general f**ked-uped-ness to BPD.

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking I had been given a life sentence. This morning, I woke up a little hopeful. I mean, at least now after 36 years I actually know what's wrong with me and maybe there is some chance for me to change.

So, I was recommended to a different therapist/program that specializes in DBT. It's a year long program. Is that common?

ANYWAY, I am hoping I can poke around here and come here on days when I just can't take it anymore. I am in a relationship right now that is being ruined again by this **** and I really don't want to lose her (god, I am just even so frightened of tell her about this!). But that is a whole 'nother thread.

Hi and welcome
Firsty yes DBT can be very helpful, there are many of us using DBT
Feel free to "poke around"

I never finished DBT (the state cut mental health funding and the only sliding scale DBT group in my entire region went *POOF*) but what little I did I found interesting and helpful.

DBT is THE therapy of choice for BPD as far as I know. It was created for BPD, and now its usefulness for other disorders is getting attention.

it is perfectly normal to feel scared/defeated, but it is also a great sign that you are feeling hopeful. this is absolutely not a death sentence, but it does take work.

as people have pointed out, therapy is extremely important. i was diagnosed at age 22 after a hospitalization but even then i was not ready to accept it. i never stayed with any md/therapist for longer than a month or so. never stayed on meds. i was a nightmare. but after my last hospitalization about 5 years ago, i gave in and stuck with my current md/therapist and my life improved substantially. granted, i am currently going through a very challenging time, but that is due to a specific situation. i am hopeful i will recover soon. i came to this message board during a time of crisis because there is SO much information and i relate to so much of what people are going through.

constructing a solid support system is important. people that are willing to learn about the disorder, particularly. it is much easier t o navigate through the tougher times with support. you don't need to tell everyone, only the people that you are certain have your best interest at heart.

it is a long road, but certainly not all that bad all the time. and knowing what you are up against is half the battle.

Thank you all for being so welcoming.

@pteque thank you for the suggestion to try to get a support system in place. Unfortunately right now, I am estranged from my mother (who I suspect has BPD herself after reading up on it) and I am an only child with no extended family. I have a lot of social anxiety and a really hard time opening up to people which has left me with tons of good acquaintances but few very good friends. My last hope would be my girlfriend but she is half a country away and pretty much ignoring me at this point because of my behavior. I can't blame her, I have been exploding with sadness and anger the past few months as I have been agonizing that she is pulling away from me. Even right now, I am doing everything I can from sending her the nastiest text known to man because I am just so angry after she AGAIN "got too busy to call/text me" today. Four days in a row? Awesome.

I hate it.

That is why I am hopeful, I am so sick of always having these tormented feelings and being frustrated that I feel so freaking *different* from everyone else. That I am this utterly unlovable creature. I am willing to try anything at this point even for some minor relief and stop being this person that I don't like.