What it is that I am looking for..

This is my first post here.
My name's Keri, I'm 21 and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I self-medicate.
I do not have health insurance and haven't even been to see a doctor for several years.
When I was a teenager I saw two therapists. The first I saw twice and the second I saw only once.
Last Thanksgiving I was vaporacted and put into a mental health facility for one day and night. I had cut both arms. I had to have over thirty stitches.
A little over a month ago I had a panic attack - the first I've had to my knowledge. I thought my method of self-medicating had finally overwhelmed my body and I though I was having a heart attack.

About a year ago I started researching mental illnesses and the truth about the morbidity and treatment failure regarding Borderline Personality Disorder was really disheartening. Though I can't say that I actually expected more.

There are actually at least 16 other diseases that are the differentials for BPD. Meaning that it could be those and not BPD.

"Persons with BPD are at higher risk for axis-I syndromes, including depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.

Morbidity in this population includes failure in social relationships, developmental delay, and occupational impairment. Health care utilization costs in patients with borderline pathology are enormous, and treatment dropout rates are extraordinarily high.

BPD is associated with significant morbidity due to common comorbid conditions, including dysthymia, major depression, psychoactive substance abuse, and psychotic disorders. In a 1999 study of 409 patients with BPD and those without BPD, Zimmerman and Mattia demonstrated that patients with BPD were twice as likely to receive a diagnosis of 3 or more current axis-I disorders and that they were nearly 4 times as likely to have a diagnosis of 4 or more axis-I disorders. These included mood disorders, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, and somatoform disorders.

Premature death among patients with BPD may be due to the increased risk of suicide in this population. Approximately 70-75% of patients with BPD have a history of at least one deliberate act of self-harm. According to Linehan et al, the mean estimated rate of completed suicides 9%.

Short-term follow-up studies uniformly reveal that patients with BPD change little over time.

In a 1998 prospective follow-up study, Links et al reported that almost 50% of their former inpatients with BPD continued to meet diagnostic criteria at 7 years."

http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic270.htm

How utterly bleek is the prognosis for those people with Borderline Personality Disorder?
How am I suppose to live with this?
I suppose I came here to find others like myself - ask them how they live with it.. if it can be lived with at all, really. What types of things have triggered suicidal behavior for them in the past? How have they learned to cope with such triggers in a positive way?
Are there really any medications that help without too many negative side effects?
Are there any therapies that may have helped more so than others?

At this point I am not certain anything could change what I have become, but at the very least I am willing to try. I am willing to listen, and I am always open-minded.

Please, those out there that have Borderline Personality Disorder, tell me about yourselves. Help me to understand myself better by getting to know you.

-Keri

theInsomniacKeeper wrote:This is my first post here.
My name's Keri, I'm 21 and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I self-medicate.
I do not have health insurance and haven't even been to see a doctor for several years.
When I was a teenager I saw two therapists. The first I saw twice and the second I saw only once.
Last Thanksgiving I was vaporacted and put into a mental health facility for one day and night. I had cut both arms. I had to have over thirty stitches.
A little over a month ago I had a panic attack - the first I've had to my knowledge. I thought my method of self-medicating had finally overwhelmed my body and I though I was having a heart attack.

About a year ago I started researching mental illnesses and the truth about the morbidity and treatment failure regarding Borderline Personality Disorder was really disheartening. Though I can't say that I actually expected more.

There are actually at least 16 other diseases that are the differentials for BPD. Meaning that it could be those and not BPD.

"Persons with BPD are at higher risk for axis-I syndromes, including depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.

Morbidity in this population includes failure in social relationships, developmental delay, and occupational impairment. Health care utilization costs in patients with borderline pathology are enormous, and treatment dropout rates are extraordinarily high.

BPD is associated with significant morbidity due to common comorbid conditions, including dysthymia, major depression, psychoactive substance abuse, and psychotic disorders. In a 1999 study of 409 patients with BPD and those without BPD, Zimmerman and Mattia demonstrated that patients with BPD were twice as likely to receive a diagnosis of 3 or more current axis-I disorders and that they were nearly 4 times as likely to have a diagnosis of 4 or more axis-I disorders. These included mood disorders, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, and somatoform disorders.

Premature death among patients with BPD may be due to the increased risk of suicide in this population. Approximately 70-75% of patients with BPD have a history of at least one deliberate act of self-harm. According to Linehan et al, the mean estimated rate of completed suicides 9%.

Short-term follow-up studies uniformly reveal that patients with BPD change little over time.

In a 1998 prospective follow-up study, Links et al reported that almost 50% of their former inpatients with BPD continued to meet diagnostic criteria at 7 years."

http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic270.htm

How utterly bleek is the prognosis for those people with Borderline Personality Disorder?
How am I suppose to live with this?
I suppose I came here to find others like myself - ask them how they live with it.. if it can be lived with at all, really. What types of things have triggered suicidal behavior for them in the past? How have they learned to cope with such triggers in a positive way?
Are there really any medications that help without too many negative side effects?
Are there any therapies that may have helped more so than others?

At this point I am not certain anything could change what I have become, but at the very least I am willing to try. I am willing to listen, and I am always open-minded.

Please, those out there that have Borderline Personality Disorder, tell me about yourselves. Help me to understand myself better by getting to know you.

-Keri

hello Keri,

I have BPD. It is nice to meet you.

I am red.

Hey and welcome my name is EchoNayana and I am 18 with Borderline personality Disorder as well as Narcissism PD. Those 2 I guess are comorbid. I hope you enjoy the site. If you need anything just lemme know.