Needing someone to talk to regarding their experiences and b

I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel as though if i dont get a better handle on myself, or get some advice, i might just further my path down this endless spiral of self destruction. Both mentally and physically. I have not been diagnosed with anything, bur from my research and self awareness i feel that bpd is closely linked to me in how i am feeling currently.. I want someone to talk to so i dont feel so alone anymore... These dark pitted seeds inside me, i feel, are just eating away at me. I feel the "real" me being taken away.if anyone reads this please help with your experiences and insight... Inwant to know whats wrong with me but i feel my therapist and i arent connecting, even though i have tried to explain to her that the grudges and anger and irrationality are uncontrollable.. I hate myself so much anymore... I just feel like im losing everything and its all my fault.. I try to control my feelings as much as possible through self awareness and critical thinking, but it doesnt help.. Sorry if my spelling and or grammar is lacking i am using my phone and i just really want someone to talk to about this. Hoping this site has people similar to me. Hoping to make a connection on my reality, because right now in my life i feel reality is far far away.

Feel free to vent away on here. A lot of us have anger issues.