abusive relationships

I'm just wondering how many of you are/have stayed in mentally, physically or emotionally abusive relationships because you've been too afraid to be alone? What were they like? What were you putting yourself through? Did you have a boiling point where you knew it needed to end? Were you exhausted by the time it was over?

ps. In this situation I'm talking your partner was the more abusive one, just to clarify..

xx

Elementary correlations are herculean tasks and Non-abusive relationships are pipe dreams. Personally, the worst relationship of mine would have to be the penultimate; throughout the honeymoon chapter, it was saccharine and inerrant, but swiftly the manipulation conspired and disunity would commence. the abuse I weathered was diabolical but I cried wolf, supposedly.

Eventually, there came a point where he blocked me on social media while I was asleep (my depression was at it's worst at the time, so I would often sleep early) leaving me with no closure or contact. I became suicidal, he executed his actions so I wouldn't know he was talking to his ex behind my back. Stupidly, I took him back just to end the relationship for good in September '15.

^ b/c I established a close relationship (my last) with M, though also transient.

I met him when I was 22. At the moment I was already involved with someone who was more interested in his fb friends than me. I didn't break up because I didn't want to be alone and because that guy knew just how bad can my BPD be and he didn't leave me. The relationship with this new guy was based entirely on sex but soon it turned into more than that. So I spent some time in this parallel relationship, extremely nervous that my new prince charming would discovered what I was doing. He was jealous and controlling. He never hit me, but I suffered great emotional abuse, I always had to walk on eggshells. I wasn't allowed to have male friends on social media, not even to look at others. In a sick way, it turned me on. I felt important. I was head over heels. He was the love of my life, I had no life, no friends, nothing except him. And I didn't need it. He left me when he found out I was in the parallel relationship. After that, I became numb, empty... I became suicidal. It took me 3 years to recover.

Erato wrote:I met him when I was 22. At the moment I was already involved with someone who was more interested in his fb friends than me. I didn't break up because I didn't want to be alone and because that guy knew just how bad can my BPD be and he didn't leave me. The relationship with this new guy was based entirely on sex but soon it turned into more than that. So I spent some time in this parallel relationship, extremely nervous that my new prince charming would discovered what I was doing. He was jealous and controlling. He never hit me, but I suffered great emotional abuse, I always had to walk on eggshells. I wasn't allowed to have male friends on social media, not even to look at others. In a sick way, it turned me on. I felt important. I was head over heels. He was the love of my life, I had no life, no friends, nothing except him. And I didn't need it. He left me when he found out I was in the parallel relationship. After that, I became numb, empty... I became suicidal. It took me 3 years to recover.

How long did you date him?

( I was wondering can BPD love or not ) I guess they can

Ms Perfect, I don't think it was love. It was an obssession, he left me in the middle of idealization phase, tiggered my inner dinamics and reinforced abandonment fear. It was one of the most toxic relationships I've ever had, an emotional roller coaster, I had constant adrenaline rushes. We dated a couple of months and he was ready to move in with me, it was his idea. I believe he has his own issues that he's not dealing with, he trusts nobody and he's not able to have a long term relationship. He is not able to open up and invest.

He contacted me a year and a half ago, when I started dating my fiance, asked me to meet him, I refused. I don't regret it. I am glad he called because he gave me the opportunity to be the one who'd rejected him. I know it's inmature and it may sound as power conflict, it was like my chance to retaliate.

The only abusive relationship I have been in was with my ex fiancee. We were together for 4 years, and I was the abuser. Emotionally. I was manipulative, used emotional blackmail, I probably gaslighted a little. It took me 4 years (and ongoing therapy) to realize I was treating him like garbage and I had to dump him cold turkey and get the hell away. To this day I don't think he understands why or what happened, but I still hold to the opinion that what I did was for the best for both of us.

We talked again a few years after, I thought we'd be able to be friends. He started flirting and admitted he wasn't over me, which at the time just angered me. Boundary thing. I was married with a kid by that time and he knew it. Haven't spoken since. That was 4 years ago. It's actually quite ego stroking, much to my chagrin because I don't want to be "that person" anymore, that he wasn't over me.

!!!Trigger warning!!!

My longest relationship was a very abusive relationship from both sides. My ex girlfriend and I abused each other and the relationship was exclusive and lasted 3 years. To this day I've never had another relationship last that long. All my others were either 1 year long or less than a year.

She was so beautiful I thought she looked like a sex goddess and nicknamed her "The Goddess" because of my intense physical attraction to her. It was sexual appeal that drew us together in the first place when we met so our relationship became physical very early and our sex life bonded us. We were the perfect match for sexual compatibility so it made our relationship very passionate.

Even though we got along well and were a perfect match for each other most of the time, we were emotionally abusive to each other. I verbally abused her when I got angry and was controlling of her so I could maintain power in the relationship. She also verbally abused me when she was angry at me and she would use emotional manipulation to punish me if I did something wrong or she thought I was neglectful of her. There were several occasions where I was forced to talk her out of suicide, both in person and over the phone. One time the suicide threat was triggered by something mean I said to her, so she got her punishment on me by putting me in the position to talk her out of it. It made me become an expert at talking people out of suicide. I obviously didn't want my own girlfriend to die on me and I cared for her enough to want her to stay alive.

In addition to the verbal abuse that went both ways, we were controlling and possessive of each other. There was a time where I stopped her from going on a trip to Europe because I thought she might cheat on me with a European guy while she was there. There was also an occasion where she stopped me from going on a trip to a city that happened to have a large Mexican population because she was worried I would cheat on her with a random Mexican girl if I went on the trip. She was hispanic herself and she knew I had a thing for latinas so she tried to keep me away from any girl who might turn me on and get me to cheat.

The relationship was also full of physical violence. We both had a violent temperament and eventually we got into a physical fight with each other and the result was that violence became an acceptable part of our relationship. One night we got into a heated argument and she became so enraged she physically attacked me and I had to beat her up to defend myself. She enjoyed me beating her so much that she asked me to do it again so I did. We both enjoyed it so much that after that me beating her turned into a game we did all the time just for fun often as a lead in to sex. We would have sessions where I beat her and for us it was like foreplay because she liked the pain and I enjoyed inflicting the pain. After we discovered we liked violence between us, I had to start using violence to put her in her place whenever I needed to. I thought if I didn't use violence she would lose respect for me so I basically had to keep beating her.

This relationship also gave us a pregnancy scare that we later bonded over. One night I spent the night at her house and we spent the whole night having unprotected sex on and off. A few days or a week later, she started taking pregnancy tests and they were all positive so she told me about it. Within three weeks it was over. What we both concluded happened was that I got her pregnant that night and then she had an early miscarriage three weeks later. We thought of it as we had a child together who died before it was born and we bonded over it in a twisted sort of way.

The turbulent relationship ended when we mutually grew apart after being a couple for three years. I lost interest in her and the turbulent relationship may have been starting to take a toll on me. I didn't want all the volatile intensity for a while so when I stopped calling her for a few days she dumped me and I was glad to accept that it was over. She seems to have been the love of my life since she was by far my longest lasting girlfriend but she was also my most mentally unstable girlfriend. She had a severe and diagnosed case of BPD and I was mentally ill myself so we were both unstable and it made the relationship an abusive one.

My relationships since then have not been nearly that volatile or long lasting. I stayed in the relationship so long because it appealed to me up until the very end since I am PD disordered myself. Though I was indeed exhausted by the time it was over.

I was in a 3 year relationship that started out with him being abusive, but we were both abusive by the end. I loved him extremely, but then it turned to extreme hatred as a result, so I wound up being quite the psycho b*tch in return. It basically went from him constantly having a mean and manipulative attitude towards me, while I would just take it and feel bad, to him having a mean and manipulative attitude towards me, and then I would snap and like, burn him with a cigarette while in the throes of gut-wrenching screams about what a piece of $#%^ he was. It's kind of like leap-frogging on the abuse scale.

Psychological abuse once and Physical abuse twice

I watched my mothers men abuse her and i could never understand why she didn't just as good as she got (we have spoken many time about this now since joining this site and i understand why she couldn't now) I think that's why i flip if a man tries to dominate and physically attack me.

The 2 relationships i was physically abused i removed them from the house (ive always been the house owner, due to my fear of being made homeless)

Its the Psychological abuse i had no control over thats been the hardest to get over (for me)
probably cause i moved in with him and trusted him 100% and then he made me homeless

@all
Im so sorry to hear about all your stories

mostlyghostly wrote:I was in a 3 year relationship that started out with him being abusive, but we were both abusive by the end. I loved him extremely, but then it turned to extreme hatred as a result, so I wound up being quite the psycho b*tch in return. It basically went from him constantly having a mean and manipulative attitude towards me, while I would just take it and feel bad, to him having a mean and manipulative attitude towards me, and then I would snap and like, burn him with a cigarette while in the throes of gut-wrenching screams about what a piece of $#%^ he was. It's kind of like leap-frogging on the abuse scale.

There's something about those 3 year relationships that can really expose us as both an abuser and an abused in our relationships particularly one as close as a romantic relationship lasting years. I don't know if it's time that exposes us or maybe comfort with our PD'ed selves that comes from familiarity.