Does this sound familiar to anyone? Relationship/ego issues

Hi guys,

I want to start off by saying that I have not been diagnosed with BPD, just reading about it and it sounds very familiar.

I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for about seven years. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. I really mean that.

For some reason, sometimes something in my brain clicks and I go in "off-mode". I can not control this and it doesn't happen in regular patterns.

What happens then is that I can not be empathic anymore, just think about myself at that very moment and feel a strong inner drive to do whatever it is I feel the need to do.

Examples:
- He doesn't do something in the household and I feel like I have to do all the work - start screaming and freak out
- we agreed on something, but I see I could profit from the situation more if I dont't go along with it and decide to change my mind (coming back home later than agreed, not running errands I agreed to do)
- we have a semi-open relationship (no judgements about that please), so it's not the longing to meet others. Btw, that was more his idea than mine
- sometimes, I meet new people and they instantly feel so important to me and I don't want to disappoint them and then mentally discharge what we agreed on

I just sometimes feel like I do not have the emotional connection I should have -at other times, very much. Every time this happens, I feel terribly sorry after and do not want to lose him.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? And what can I do to once and for all stop my from my egocentric behavior? I've been working on this a lot, and it has improved a lot, but I just can't seem stop putting myself first and I want to stop this.

No one at all?

Hey !
Unstable relationship is one of the major issue with BPD. But if you have looked at the DSM : you need 5 criterias out of the 9 to be diagnosed with BPD. You might have BPD, you might not. BPD is more than unstable relationships.

I understand your struggles. Sometimes, I feel like i'm the most selfish person on earth. It's all about myself and my point of view. It doesn't mean I don't love my relatives or I don't care about them... it's just the way I am. I'm working hard with my therapist to get better on that aspect of my life. I made sure that my family and close friends are aware of my behavior so that they could help me healing instead of always blaming me over and over.

Thank you for your answer.

OH I know that you have to fulfill at least 5 of the criteria, I would say I fulfill 7. I've been to a therapist before, but here I live, they refrain from diagnosing you with eons entity definite because they think you'd start to act according to the "profile" you identify with then.

So I never received an official diagnosis.

It's like there's this voice in my head telling me: "you've been repressed! Time to live YOUR life! Finally you could travel!" (My boyfriend doesn't like to travel) whenever someth goes wrong. Although I haven't been depressed. It's just normal relationship stuff, taking care of the other person and not putting yourself first ALWAYS.

I just don't know. How can I finally become a decent Human being?

Are you able to see a therapist to help you? I have been through several major duds, but my new one I started seeing recently is pretty good at keeping me focused and in line, I like her. Our last session I started rambling about my mother, and my therapist stopped me in my tracks with, "That doesn't really matter, we're not here to diagnose your mother, I want to know about how you experience things." My previous therapists would have let me ramble all session, every session, and just take the money. If you can find a good therapist, they can help a lot.

I have had therapy for 25 hours before, that was about 4 years ago. It was good, but not great - what has helped me the most actually was my boyfriend (who is better psychologically without having studied it than most therapists) and a book I read called "Toxic parents".

Then the therapy ended because the lady let me know I didn't need her. I was fine with it back then, but feel now I should go and see someone again.

Someone who can keep me in line sounds just about right. I called a therapist just this morning actually, and she also suggested I didn't need her because I sounded "so upbeat". Yeah, I do not cry all day, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm fine...
shouldn't psychologists know better than that?

*also, I work in sales and used to work in phone sales. Of course I know how to come across via phone

loonal wrote:I called a therapist just this morning actually, and she also suggested I didn't need her because I sounded "so upbeat".

That is pretty hard to believe, honestly. Is it a case where you just got the impression that she thought that, but she didn't actually say it?

Hi loonal,
May i say first we never judge here, if you have a somewhat "open relationship" that's your life, so don't worry.

Also can i ask, what was the reason for buying that particular book "toxic parents"? are you from 1 or both toxic parents or do you believe/feel your the toxic parent?

the reason i ask is because many of us here are from toxic parents and there is a cycle that can go generation to generation with traits of BPD/NPD...so its interesting to me "why that book first"?

Hi guys,

I've been absent for a while cause I did not expect new answers to come in anymore, so: thank you and sorry for answering only now.

Mostlyghostly - no, she literally said that. I didn't make it up.

Echinacea- thank you for not judging. I have had a number of issues with my parents and really that was the reason I first went to therapy. Without having an official diagnosis, I would categorize them as BPD (my mother) and NPD ( my father). Not fully blown though, he is able to feel empathy. Both are/ sued to be absoutely over-controlling, judgemental, never positive, never proud or satisfied with what I do.

I don't have kids (yet) and certainly hope I won't turn out like my parents.

Can you tell me more about that cycle?

Hi loonal,
threads get read and re-read here (i do it at least) replies can sometimes take weeks so don't give up on your threads

The cycle - as you know here we can only speak from what we have read and experienced, there are many videos and research online about BPD/NPD parents, its taken me 6 months to research what i needed to know and i still don't know all unfortunately, i also recently spoke at length to my mother about how i was treated as a child, my mother is 66 now and is mellowing so shes become easier to talk to now and she also seems less selfish and self absorbed...there is a lot to consider, I cant just describe a particular cycle "par sa" only my interpretation of mine and other peoples ive read in my research.

What i do know is the more you read the more you'll understand, you will gain knowledge of a lot of reasons, and explanations why this happened or that was said, another thing is that it is very important to see both sides understanding why is very important, the problem is not everyone can explain (yet)