BPD and coping with the loss of a parent *tw*

I'm struggling to deal with the loss of my dad. It's been a year now and I'm still not coping. My mum and her husband keep telling me that they cannot cope with my emotional outbursts no longer and I will need to move out. Which I understand but I don't have enough money to leave as I'm a student.

I feel so abandoned and alone. I never got to say goodbye to him. He died in a pretty tragic way so I replay it over in my head all the time. I spend a lot of my time crying in my room and drinking. I'm worried that I will fail my degree at this rate. I can't concentrate on my work and have suicidal thoughts a lot of the time. Whenever I have tried to talk to somebody they don't seem to care. Doctors will just try and shove anti depressants at me....I did have DBT before and learnt a lot of things from it , but the death of my father has set me back. I don't see the point in anything anymore. I feel like everyone leaves, they die or get fed up with me. My mum has her husband and I understand that she's putting him first, I'm an adult I guess. I always had my dad. But now I don't. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi there. I have had a similar experience to you but with my Nan. She passed nearly 3 years ago. Although I never got referred because my doctors suck, have you asked to be referred to a bereavement counsellor? I feel as though you could benefit from this. I'd also consider sitting your mum down, without her husband and explaining exactly how you feel to her. It's a big step and it is hard, but I'd hate to know that you're going to carry on like this and end up in a worse state of mind. Feel free to PM me if you'd wish to chat, take care of yourself.