Insomnia

Contro wrote:

Hallanvaara wrote:I'm sure your original attitude towards others is completely flawless.

No, it's not, but that doesn't mean that it's right to be a prick to someone. I apologize when I do something I think is wrong, but I actually am not the type of person to go around looking to ruin someone's day or make them feel bad, unless (again) I think that person deserves it.

I recognize that people are human, but the least they can do is apologize. If I confront someone and they continue to taunt me, then they deserve to get hurt in my opinion. And if I can't hurt them emotionally, then I'll hurt them physically. Eye for an eye, pain for pain.

-- Mon Dec 07, 2015 5:33 pm --

Journeyman15 wrote:I just wanted to check you understand that beating someone (male or female) until they're curled up on the floor cowering isn't acceptable under any circumstances

I understand that it's not acceptable, but I don't care. I feel justified in my reaction and if I had behaved toward them how they did to me, I would understand if they reacted the same way. But again, I'm not a prick and I don't just go out looking to hurt people who've done nothing I know of to deserve it. And if I do, I deserve whatever I get it.

I hope that through therapy and personal development you're able to find healthy ways to vent.

I find having to restrain myself to be unhealthy, as opposed to lashing out which feels so much better. If there were no laws, it wouldn't be a problem, so the problem is the laws that protect these people.

Contro... I hope that you stay out of jail, the emergency room and the morgue long enough to receive the help you need. Stay safe fella.

Contro wrote:

Journeyman15 wrote:I just wanted to check you understand that beating someone (male or female) until they're curled up on the floor cowering isn't acceptable under any circumstances

I understand that it's not acceptable, but I don't care. I feel justified in my reaction and if I had behaved toward them how they did to me, I would understand if they reacted the same way. But again, I'm not a prick and I don't just go out looking to hurt people who've done nothing I know of to deserve it. And if I do, I deserve whatever I get it.

I hope that through therapy and personal development you're able to find healthy ways to vent.

I find having to restrain myself to be unhealthy, as opposed to lashing out which feels so much better. If there were no laws, it wouldn't be a problem, so the problem is the laws that protect these people.

I'd like to say I have no idea where you're coming from, but I'd be lying through my teeth. Federal law and personal justice don't always seem to mesh, do they?

However, realistically, law usually wins out, as there are more cops than you or I. So, with that said, have you tried DBT? I'm not far into it yet, so I can't say anything about it completely, but here's my synopsis thus far. 90% of it is goofy as hell, in my never-so-humble opinion, but they seem to throw in a few nuggets here and there that do help calm me down before I hit that point of no return. Even that stuff sounded goofy when I heard it, but I tried it anyway, and so far, it's working.

In addition to BPD, I also have PTSD, which is often triggered on the road. PTSD being triggered into BPD rage, when operating a few thousand pound vehicle, travelling at *mumblemumble* miles an hour is not a good thing, so I've had to fight hard to keep my triggers from overcoming me. The DBT tricks do help.

Just a thought...

Casper wrote:So, with that said, have you tried DBT?

No, I haven't. I find it pointless because they just try to change people's perception and I feel like there's nothing wrong with my perception. They just try to mold people into what society expects of them, and I feel like the society around me is the problem. There's not enough respect these days. People think they can say and do whatever they want and then they hide behind the law when they get what's coming to them.

That's why I think there's so many people in therapy, because a lot of them are victims of the system that protect the bullies. They can't fight back because they don't want to lose their freedom, and it's sad that they have to worry about that. But when a kid goes to school every day and gets picked on, and the only advice he's given is to ignore it when he knows that won't solve anything, what is he supposed to do? If he doesn't go to school, he gets into trouble. If he goes to school, he's tortured. If he fights back, he's punished more.

In addition to BPD, I also have PTSD, which is often triggered on the road. PTSD being triggered into BPD rage, when operating a few thousand pound vehicle, travelling at *mumblemumble* miles an hour is not a good thing, so I've had to fight hard to keep my triggers from overcoming me. The DBT tricks do help.

I wouldn't be doing that job if I felt like you did.

-- Mon Dec 07, 2015 6:46 pm --

Journeyman15 wrote:Stay safe fella.

Thank you. I'll try, but sometimes I feel like I would rather die defending my honor than to walk away.

Contro wrote:No, it's not, but that doesn't mean that it's right to be a prick to someone.

Contro wrote:I apologize when I do something I think is wrong

Contro wrote:I understand that it's not acceptable, but I don't care.

How do you actually reconcile these?

Contro wrote:If I confront someone and they continue to taunt me, then they deserve to get hurt in my opinion.

You are confronting but they are taunting?

Contro wrote:And if I can't hurt them emotionally, then I'll hurt them physically. Eye for an eye, pain for pain.

Why exactly in that order?
You are talking about desire to win, not about desire to get even.
What is the point of reference for you when you make a conclusion that you can not hurt them emotionally, you yourself? You see, people's feelings manifest in different forms.

Hallanvaara wrote:

Contro wrote:No, it's not, but that doesn't mean that it's right to be a prick to someone.

Contro wrote:I apologize when I do something I think is wrong

Contro wrote:I understand that it's not acceptable, but I don't care.

How do you actually reconcile these?

Contro wrote:If I confront someone and they continue to taunt me, then they deserve to get hurt in my opinion.

You are confronting but they are taunting?

Contro wrote:And if I can't hurt them emotionally, then I'll hurt them physically. Eye for an eye, pain for pain.

Why exactly in that order?
You are talking about desire to win, not about desire to get even.
What is the point of reference for you when you make a conclusion that you can not hurt them emotionally, you yourself? You see, people's feelings manifest in different forms.

I echo this Contro.

You bemoan the injustice of bullying, yet you're quite happy to intimidate through the threat of physical violence. What's the difference?

Irrespective of what you've been through (and many folk are here because they've been through hellish times) you don't have the right to behave violently towards another human being.

I would urge you to look inwardly. You're angry. I get that. But if you continue to blame the rest of the world for your issues, you'll never get better and you'll never be happy.

Journeyman15 wrote:You bemoan the injustice of bullying, yet you're quite happy to intimidate through the threat of physical violence. What's the difference?

Irrespective of what you've been through (and many folk are here because they've been through hellish times) you don't have the right to behave violently towards another human being.

I would urge you to look inwardly. You're angry. I get that. But if you continue to blame the rest of the world for your issues, you'll never get better and you'll never be happy.

THIS^^ This is the key exactly. I struggle with this too, but I tend to blame those closest to me or those I care about. I am trying with all my might to curb this behavior, but my success has been limited to say the least.

Difference is, I don't pick on people who've done nothing to try to hurt me. Can you really not see the difference?

It's the motivation behind it that's important, but of course everyone just misses the bigger picture as usual. And this is my problem with society. You place me in the same category immediately without even thinking.

If people didn't taunt me and provoke me, there wouldn't be an issue. So how are they not causing it? This is the problem and this is why therapy is fuking stupid. All they do is brainwash people into believing it's their fault and they have to change something about themselves.

Well no, I'm not changing anything about myself because I'm a good person. I'm kind, I'm generous and I don't try to bring people down who are nice people. People who aren't nice don't deserve pleasure, none at all. Fuk them and if there is a hell, they should rot in it.

It's not my fault when I'm abused by people. My brain is wired a certain way and as human beings, you should all be able to relate. We all have feelings and yet we're all unique in our own ways, which is supposed to be acceptable without being bullied for it. I'm sure all of you can relate to feeling victimized.

Hallanvaara wrote:How do you actually reconcile these?

Because it should be acceptable. People should be able to handle their own without having to worry about society intervening and punishing them for standing up for themselves.

If I take the measures that society says I should take and if nothing gets solved, then society is not doing enough to prevent these issues. I don't think that bullying gets taken seriously enough. If it did, I wouldn't have to keep reporting the same issues time and time again to people that are supposedly there to help and protect.

-- Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:58 pm --

jabberwocky wrote:Irrespective of what you've been through (and many folk are here because they've been through hellish times) you don't have the right to behave violently towards another human being.

I have a right not to be harassed and if nothing is done, then it should be understandable when I fight back. Why would their feelings be important to me after they intentionally hurt me? That's a deliberate attack and a threat to my emotional well-being. I have a right to live in peace.

Contro wrote:

Hallanvaara wrote:How do you actually reconcile these?

Because it should be acceptable. People should be able to handle their own without having to worry about society intervening and punishing them for standing up for themselves.

If I take the measures that society says I should take and if nothing gets solved, then society is not doing enough to prevent these issues. I don't think that bullying gets taken seriously enough. If it did, I wouldn't have to keep reporting the same issues time and time again to people that are supposedly there to help and protect.

-- Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:58 pm --

jabberwocky wrote:Irrespective of what you've been through (and many folk are here because they've been through hellish times) you don't have the right to behave violently towards another human being.

I have a right not to be harassed and if nothing is done, then it should be understandable when I fight back. Why would their feelings be important to me after they intentionally hurt me? That's a deliberate attack and a threat to my emotional well-being. I have a right to live in peace.

^^I didn't write that...misquote.

Okay, well I can't edit it now.