Is constant cheating a BPD trait?

Point number four from the DSM 5 criteria for BPD:
(4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

UntilTomorrow wrote:Point number four from the DSM 5 criteria for BPD:
(4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Counterpoint: You can be sexually impulsive and not be a cheater. It's called non-monogamy. Also, not all people with BPD meet that criterion. Lastly, many cheaters are far from impulsive about their cheating. It takes a lot of planning not to get caught.

Apologies for the "is it true style" of the question. It was posted out of genuine curiosity after an earlier thread where, rather than asking for advice about myself, I was asking for advice on how to cut loose a married man, who is possibly npd, knows how to push my buttons, and wants me to continue an affair with him. Most of the responses to that original post were along the lines of: you probably have your own issues, so rather than get defensive about what those posters had said, I decided it was worth at least investigating the possibility, but I see that I should have spent a bit more time searching the old posts. (So sorry for an inadvertently repetitive post)

@untiltomorrow. My approaches to both sex and drinking would probably be considered pretty impulsive. I've looked at some of the other descriptions of BPD, and the other part that seems to ring slightly true, is the instability in interpersonal relationships. I am a bridge burner and I have an awful lot of formerly very close friends who I cut contact with entirely due to a perceived slight on my part. I also have trouble controlling my anger. However, some of the other parts don't seem to apply to me, for example, the fear of abandonment.

In general, the responses here have been useful, as I get the impression that cheating is merely one of many possible ways in which impulsiveness could be played out in BPD.

abacaxi84 wrote:Aren't Histronics overly emotional in general and enjoy being the centre of attention though?

Overly emotional, no. That's more BPD, BPD feels things much deeper than the average people. As far as I've read people with HPD traits are not in touch with their emotions much. They give shallow descriptions of them, and try to change the subject when going into deep details.

Enjoys being the center of attention, yes, because they are trying to fill an inner void, and it is filled temporarily by the attention they get (the rush).

abacaxi84 wrote:I am slow to open up to people, do not like being the centre of attention, and I am generally emotionally cold in my interactions with people until I get to know them very well, and I even then I'll maintain a sort of arms length distance. For instance, I've never been a fan of standard social physical contact, hugging, etc, even where close friends and family are concerned. This sort of makes it bizarre that I have this need for sexual validation from men. It's only really in the context of these affairs that I get emotional about anything, as in every other context I am pretty closed off.

You could check what are the BPD traits too. People with BPD can be highly sexual, so check with other traits. And more important than the label, understanding what things are not healthy, and that there's a reason for it; and to be able to heal that it's really what's important, in my opinion.

So, what you say here it's true and wise:

abacaxi84 wrote:It was posted out of genuine curiosity after an earlier thread where, rather than asking for advice about myself, I was asking for advice on how to cut loose a married man, who is possibly npd, knows how to push my buttons, and wants me to continue an affair with him. Most of the responses to that original post were along the lines of: you probably have your own issues, so rather than get defensive about what those posters had said, I decided it was worth at least investigating the possibility, but I see that I should have spent a bit more time searching the old posts. (So sorry for an inadvertently repetitive post)

[*]
[*]Italics not in original

We are emotionally attracted to people that are in our same emotional level. They sometimes are a mirror to us, or they fill a void inside us. It's interesting to look inside. Why are you with a man who's not emotionally available? Why do you feel you can't cut him loose? Those are not for you to answer here, this is just some food for thought.

Sea

I've never cheated. Sure, I've thought of it, but then I imagine how guilty and remorseful I would feel so I don't go through with it. My husband is a good person, I would never be able to look him in the eyes ever again. He doesn't deserve that after the good he's done for me.

The possible n married man - there's a bunch of reasons why I can't cut him loose. For a start, there's the fact that he won't cut me loose.

I've been unfaithful with a couple of other men, but they were single and presumably didn't want the baggage that comes with being involved with a woman already in a relationship and so they cooled off after only sleeping together once or twice.

This guy was very, very, different. He and I had an incredibly intense year long affair and it's just one of those situations where you know that rationally you're unsuitable for each other but the sexual chemistry is off the scale. I've never experienced that level of sexual compatibility with anyone else in my life before, but I know that he is very bad for me.
I realise that cutting him off entirely is probably necessary. He got me as far as his hotel room the last time he was visiting this country but it only got as far as a kiss before I stopped it, and as I explained in an earlier thread on the npd forum, his reaction was to get angry and say that I was lying to myself by not sleeping with him. After this, I told him I didn't want further contact, which was followed by guilt trips from him about at least still wanting to be friends, so I caved in and apologised.

I have cheated a handful of times in the past, but I don't consider it a "constant threat" because I'm aware now. I am aware of what motivated me to cheat. I'm aware of what I thought I was going to get out of it, and what I actually got out of it. I'm aware of what it did emotionally to my partner and now I see cheating less as taking care of myself and see it as entirely the opposite.
If I had not had the intensive counselling that I've had.. I'm not sure if I would have changed.

Very early on I developed an entire philosophy of life to explain my attachment issues. At 53 I'm beginning to think I was being too clever by half. Because I'm going to end up alone into old age at this rate.

No... It's a ######6 cheaters trait.

@spiderminder it's interesting that you managed to change as I've basically hit the point of feeling that I eitherb need to negotiate some sort of open relationship with my partner, or (most likely scenario as I can't see him agreeing to it) we break up. I can't see how I am ever not going to be tempted. It's a crap situation, as he and I are compatible in so many other respects, but if he needs a 100% sexually monogamous partner, that's never going to be me.