Would you consider this child abuse or normal parenting?

I'm talking about my childhood (5-14 years old). My father used to beat me when I was a child (with arms and objects) when I was acting out, sometimes severely enough to cause bruises and red marks. If he didn't beat me he would threaten me that he would severely beat me if I don't stop talking and arguing with him (I couldn't express my emotions calmly because whenever I would start talking about what I feel he would interrupt me immediately blame me for my ''feelings'' and tell me to change my personality because nobody's going to like me or accept me...and then I would get frustrated and start arguing, lashing out at him, and getting more and more emotional until I break down screaming and crying). HE was also calling me names sometimes (a piece of crap, a bad person, he would yell at me for listening to music and watching TV). I couldn't wait for him to go to work. I was feeling like walking on eggshells around him. One time he beat me so severely that I had to go with bruises to school. Every time he would walk into a room I would go to another one. My mother used to beat me too with but not as much as my father. She was always talking about how she was tired from my "bad behavior" (my bad behavior was: emotional sensitivity, and arguing a lot, sometimes aggressively about being misunderstood by them, which I was..they NEVER EVER validated my emotions, they always blamed me and my "flawed personality"). I felt so helpless and hopeless in those times and wanted to escape and live with my grandparents but I couldn't. My parents were also scaring me how they would get sick and die because of me. I don't really know what I did so wrong. I admit I might have had behavioral problems but why couldn't they solve it in another way? Take me to a psychiatrist maybe? I don't know what to think. My brother says I'm complaining too much and that every parent beats their children like it's not a big deal. I'm asking this because I have problems now in adulthood at 20 years old (self harm, drinking, feeling unhappy, anger issues, low self esteem, severe emotional breakdowns, chaotic relationship with parents) and my psychologist asked me if I have been abused and traumatized as a child and I didn't know what to answer out of fear of sounding whiny and overreacting.

Hi Athens

The short answer to your question, in my opinion, is yes.

I too spent my formative years terrified of a caregiver. I must stress I was mercifully never physically harmed, but was subjected to daily emotional abuse. It may have been considered 'good parenting' in years gone by for a child to be extremely frightened of their parents. However, as I, you, and many others can testify, it creates huge difficulties in adulthood.

Congratulate yourself for coping as well as you have. Adult survivors of childhood abuse are courageous souls.

Take good care of yourself.

Child abuse without a doubt. I am very sorry. You're not complaining too much. What you went through sounds awful. Anyone would be traumatized.

My dad used to take out first own anger on me. He dressed it as parental discipline, of course. That and his belittling remarks really did it for. Everything else, I'd have survived , I'm sure. Yes, it was child abuse. There are laws in England that forbid it.

Everything you said is textbook abuse down to the letter. From striking you in anger, to calling you names, to invalidating you, and telling you you're "flawed". Everyone is the product of their environment, so for them to tell you your personality is flawed as a child says more about THEM than it does YOU! And others are right, you didn't deserve any of that crap. I'm really sorry you went through it.

Athens wrote:and my psychologist asked me if I have been abused and traumatized as a child and I didn't know what to answer out of fear of sounding whiny and overreacting.

I feel the same way a lot. I shouldn't complain because I look like a whiner, or a complainer, or something, that no one cares. You know why that is? Because my caregivers dismissed any and all of my valid complaints growing up - my needs were shamed. Sound familiar?

Yes you were abused. There is almost no way you could have come out of that environment without having serious issues. Your parents are disgusting pigs. I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude. They should be ashamed of themselves. They should have loved you, listened to you, comforted you, guided you. Everything your father ever said about you should be directed back to him. HE is the piece of crap, bad person.