I think my girlfriend has BPD

by **1-3-2-4** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:35 am

Truth too late wrote:
1-3-2-4 wrote:but I noticed in a text the other day she kind of snapped on me for no reason it seems something I said she responded saying that I always make it seem like she's always blaming me

What exactly did you say? I want to understand if she had a reason to feel that way, or if she's gaslighting you. You might think you didn't say anything, but maybe that's just typical guy-deafness. What did you say?

I'm glad you got the point about the tattoo. You should start thinking about how far you're willing to go. If she's playing you (and gaslighting), you could find yourself going much further than you would if it had been presented in the beginning as I did with the tattoo.

I don't want to discourage you from helping her. It's nice that you feel you can be the person she needs. But, there really are people out there with needs nobody can fill. If you don't have some boundaries for yourself, you're going to be in trouble. It will make it worse for her by not informing her of proper boundaries.

And as far as her informing you "up front" about the depth of her needs, that doesn't necessarily translate into the kind of transparency you're imagining. It could be her avoiding wasted time. I know guys who, immediately after the pick-up line will say "look, let's cut to the chase. Do you want to boink?" She could be just as matter of fact: do you want to be my Severin? (see Venus in Furs).

I feel bad if I'm depicting this poor girl the wrong way. But, there seriously are people out there like this. So, you need to know what your boundaries are.

in the text it went like this..

Me: How's your tooth feeling?
Her: Just there not hurting just ok
Her: OK
Her: So don't like I'm answering to you wrong
Me: When?
Her: When I wrote ok since you seem to think i take everything on you
Her: It's just the way I'am
Me: I know you don't take everything on me it's just different over text then in person or over the phone I'm not upset or mad.
Her: Ok

You see how this gets more confusing is when went to my mom (she added her on facebook) how if I was willing to accept her with all her past and she called my mom on the phone and she said hello future mother in-law that was about a month into dating her. My mom still loves her and thinks we would be great and like she told my mom she said as long as I try she would try.

Now about wanting to bonk.. when she went on that trip by herself the one I should of been going with her the 2nd to last night she a skype video chat and she ended up masturbating in front of the cam for me calling out my name it was interesting because if I had gone she told me all this sexual stuff she was going to do to me and so on.

Truth too late wrote:
w t f wrote:I am really not sure if not standing out is a bpd thing, the girl I know wants constant attention

My narcissistic opinion: what "not standing out" would mean (in the context of his car being too loud) is "I don't like you standing out with your car. Even though I'm in it, sharing in attention, it's your car designed to give you attention, not me. It's competing with me."

And then, of course, if he replaces the kazoo exhaust system (or buys a new car), she gets supply from him meeting her needs.

Well said, I call myself a healthy n sometimes and i would not have thought of it that way. My partner has a few flash cars so i have kind of just had a releif moment, I'm not npd lol. Thanks

by **Truth too late** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:51 am

1-3-2-4 wrote:You see how this gets more confusing is when went to my mom (she added her on facebook) how if I was willing to accept her with all her past and she called my mom on the phone and she said hello future mother in-law that was about a month into dating her.

As "shock" it sounds borderline. If "glib" it sounds narcissistic.

Could be she's just ditzy and it's nothing. The text session sounded like it could be gaslighting. Testing with something small to see if you're still "on board" (to test you with something big now that you've committed to being "on board.").

Or, it's nothing and I'm reading into it. Worst case: keep thinking about boundaries so you don't find yourself manipulated into going further than you would. As long as you have that, you don't need to analyze her motives as much. If she's not playing you, suspecting her all the time will bleed into your interaction. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, do it genuinely. Just know your boundaries.

by **w t f** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:56 am

TMI, questions answered
imo npd, reason trying to beat system getting an apartment out of her means, says a lot.
Cheers out

by **1-3-2-4** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:02 am

w t f wrote:TMI, questions answered
imo npd, reason trying to beat system getting an apartment out of her means, says a lot.
Cheers out

I remember back when she asked if I would be willing to move in with her and now she's trying to do it alone and last night I sent her a text saying I wish it would rain again.. it took her almost 40 min to respond saying "As" which I said what? I guess she was trying to say ass?

by **w t f** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 10:04 am

1-3-2-4 wrote:
w t f wrote:TMI, questions answered
imo npd, reason trying to beat system getting an apartment out of her means, says a lot.
Cheers out

I remember back when she asked if I would be willing to move in with her and now she's trying to do it alone and last night I sent her a text saying I wish it would rain again.. it took her almost 40 min to respond saying "As" which I said what? I guess she was trying to say ass?

40 mins isn't bad, I take days sometimes, lol.
Or maybe referring to like when, which rain you meant.
I spell arse arse so not sure there.
I do hope you figure it all out, i hope it's not a game, but also if she has just moved on or changed her mind she should be upfront instead of stringing it out, she said she was at the start but isn't being now. I think truth too late gave you so much good info to work with. Good luck

by **1-3-2-4** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 11:04 am

w t f wrote:
1-3-2-4 wrote:
w t f wrote:TMI, questions answered
imo npd, reason trying to beat system getting an apartment out of her means, says a lot.
Cheers out

I remember back when she asked if I would be willing to move in with her and now she's trying to do it alone and last night I sent her a text saying I wish it would rain again.. it took her almost 40 min to respond saying "As" which I said what? I guess she was trying to say ass?

40 mins isn't bad, I take days sometimes, lol.
Or maybe referring to like when, which rain you meant.
I spell arse arse so not sure there.
I do hope you figure it all out, i hope it's not a game, but also if she has just moved on or changed her mind she should be upfront instead of stringing it out, she said she was at the start but isn't being now. I think truth too late gave you so much good info to work with. Good luck

yeah I'm trying to figure it out its hard.. I wonder why one would do this to themself? She's really nice if you put all the other stuff aside.. but just sitting here thinking I would tell her she looks very pretty and she would be like I know like she wants you to say that.

She's a hand full that's for sure. as for her attraction level I don't know what it is right now.

by **1-3-2-4** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 1:05 pm

Well that was not expected she called me today while at work I could not hear her first part but she said she was returning my call and I said OK and what's up? She was just letting me know she was on her way to work so after a little pause I told her could I call her back because I'm still at work she said OK but just text me instead.

Kinda confused since because while my last text to her last night was around 11 pm she did not go to bed until 12 pm as I saw the time she was last signed on. I'm not worried about that but the maybe sudden contact again.

by **Truth too late** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 7:29 pm

1-3-2-4 wrote:while my last text to her last night was around 11 pm she did not go to bed until 12 pm as I saw the time she was last signed on. I'm not worried about that but the maybe sudden contact again.

For someone who's so easy going and a pillar of strength, you seem like you're caught up in the details. This can easily turn into controlling or obsessive behavior. If you read something into everything she does, looking for inconsistencies, I can tell you from personal experience, this is going to end up saying more about you than it does about her.

Just my opinion. I think it's great if you want to be a stable participant in her life. I'm getting the impression you're not the person you think you are. This is becoming too interesting to you. An experiment. A project. Assuming she has borderline traits, it's common for such people to attract people with narcissistic traits (rescuer).

by **1-3-2-4** » Wed Jun 17, 2015 7:52 pm

Not at all I just get a feeling she may not always be telling the truth just like i swear I heard her one day say she's still going to tell me lies.

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