What if the person you are totally obsessed with...

...is just as obsessed with you?

So:
What if the person you are totally obsessed with turns out to be just as obsessed with you? How would that make you feel?

To be honest, it might freak me out a little bit. I tend to be attracted to people who are innaccessible in some way. While I have had a relationship in which the guy was the one obsessed with me, and it did last a long time...I also had a sensation at times that I wanted to get away from him. I felt a little smothered by his obsession. Although I also liked the feeling of security it gave me to know someone wanted me. It didn't solve all our rship problems though or make my BPD go away. Different problems manifested in different ways. He hit me and I stayed with him anyways. I engaged in push/pull. It was a very messy relationship. I don't think "obsession" is ever healthy. Two people in a relationship should still be able to give the other person space and freedom, IMO. When there is obsession going on, there tends to be smothering also.

justagirl00 wrote:To be honest, it might freak me out a little bit. I tend to be attracted to people who are innaccessible in some way. While I have had a relationship in which the guy was the one obsessed with me, and it did last a long time...I also had a sensation at times that I wanted to get away from him. I felt a little smothered by his obsession. Although I also liked the feeling of security it gave me to know someone wanted me. It didn't solve all our rship problems though or make my BPD go away. Different problems manifested in different ways. He hit me and I stayed with him anyways. I engaged in push/pull. It was a very messy relationship. I don't think "obsession" is ever healthy. Two people in a relationship should still be able to give the other person space and freedom, IMO. When there is obsession going on, there tends to be smothering also.

True. I think boundaries are a big issue in BPD. One thing I lack, due perhaps to childhood invalidation, is the ability to assertively draw a line, even with loved ones. What they see as "oscillation" between love and anger are really me trying to mark some boundaries without feeling bad about it whikst keeping healthy self esteem.

With obsession in the picture, I'd be scared. And given love is a potent drug, I'm happy to have an activity partner - a girl who is into the same DIY stuff as me.

In most cases I just get bored I think. My last boyfriend was as obsessed with me as I was with him and it just made me want to leave him. He ended up dumping me first though and suddenly I wanted to spend all my time with him again.

Jeniikyou wrote:In most cases I just get bored I think. My last boyfriend was as obsessed with me as I was with him and it just made me want to leave him. He ended up dumping me first though and suddenly I wanted to spend all my time with him again.

Same situation with me we were both obsessed but I got bored all the time and broke up with him on a weekly basis probably idk it was so often I don't know for certain that went on for about a year. Finally he broke up with me, thank goodness because we'd probably still be doing that push and pull dance. I am extremely drawn to men who do not show much emotion which usually causes me to wonder if they love me or not and that intensity of second guessing has been primary in my relationships if I don't have that I will break up with the person numerous times.

Very intense and passionate.

But prepare yourself for the crash.

AutumnLeaves wrote:I am extremely drawn to men who do not show much emotion which usually causes me to wonder if they love me or not and that intensity of second guessing has been primary in my relationships if I don't have that I will break up with the person numerous times.

I second this. I think I would like to be able to accept someone being obsessed with me, but I only seem to involve myself with emotionally unavailable men. Guys that are way too into me, freaks me out and I always warn them to contain themselves or leave. In a twisted turn of events, I end up "teaching" them how to abandon me. Sad.

Thanks guys for your answers!
I've actually never been obsessed with my friend, though lately I am keeping myself very busy with her, because she is ignoring me for the last few months and at the same time she seems obsessed with me, following and copying what I do. I'm not interested in doing that with her, my love for her is a respectful one, no pushing and pulling from my side. But she is a lot on my mind because this silent treatment is so frustrating. I do love her and want her close to me, and I cannot reach her! So maybe I 'want' her as bad as she wants me, not a romantic relationship though. (and I actually already found my man. Hm yeah it's complicated )

I'm really manipulative (in a good way I guess? Idk I can get anyone to like me) so anyone I've been obsessed with, I've gotten them to like me back.

But what sucks is that the one person I was obsessed with turned out to be a literal psychopath, it was so awful the things he did to me.

The last girls I've liked I've dated them all, they ended up obsessed with me first though. It's kinda nice. And it freaks me the hell out because I usually just run away when I find out lol...

That sounds kind of wonderful in a way.
I don't know if it would be, just sounds nice having someone around that appreciates you.