why -TW-

why are you borderline?

I have no idea. It probably comes from childhood trauma (bullying) and early fear of abandonment and super strong attachment feelings when I was a kid (seeig adults as a salvation, as people who could take care of me abd relieve my sense of vulnerability).
I think bpd can have many causes, different for each individual.

- My dad went away when I was like 3 years old, my mom got a kid with a new guy and as soon as it got born I got forgotten, he used to beat me or lock me in the storage room and my mum was too much of a bitch to do anything about it, I got taken away when I was 6 and placed and they remained together for another 10 years and it never got discussed but I remember every moment of it.

- I was '' normally popular '' in elementary school, but high school is where $#%^ went downhill, even though I got into fights and stood up for myself I still got bullied quite hard by 5 people who where in the same class as me for almost 3 years. Our school didn't had many girls and the fact I got bullied made my self esteem too low to talk to any of the girls from other schools at the bus stop or train station.
Meanwhile there was also no ''home'' to run to after school cause of what happened in my ''toddler'' years, at 15 I started anti depressants and got diagnosed with MDD, at 18 with BPD.

- Once I did got off from high school not much changed, the bullying stopped obviously since there was no more school but my teenage years and the forming of BPD made it very hard to engage in any relationship or attempt to flirt. I never learned ''how-to'' by going out when I was 16 and it's gotten to the point where I am almost 28 and got so much love to give that it usually scares people off or I come over as extremely clingy.

I met someone in September and told her everything, seeing as she was depressed herself and she wanted to try to get an ''us'' going, then when she @!@@@! me off I got messages saying '' you were so clingy and around me all the time during the day '', I never understood that argument since she was the one that kissed me or put on a movie and came close to me on the couch but yeah that ''1 month relationship'' was my biggest triumph since starting high school.

The fact that that is my biggest accomplishment in like 15 years makes me kinda disgusted by myself, I have days where I blame myself for wanting to die, then I have days where I blame either my mum, people in school, or the woman that lied to me recently to get away from me, at days I blame the whole world, at other days I fake smile while I drink and bleed at night.


Too many bad experiences to pick 1, but I guess if I had to take a guess they all contributed. Now I see myself as someone with too much love to give, doesn't know how to give it and I'm stuck in a cold world that doesn't care, even people that used to care don't even make any attempt anymore, even though the last few weeks I've been sending out suicide threats again.

Borderline/Co-Dependent/Depressive Mother, NPD father, both either addicts or alcoholics. Witnessing shouting, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Lack of stability (have never lived in the same place longer than 4 years, changed schools often), emotional neglect and was sexually abused as a teenager.

I'm highly sensitive/emotional and bipolar, raised by a NPD mother and a sociopath stepfather in an sexually and physically abusive, invalidating environment.

Not sure. I didn't have a perfet childhood nor was it terrible...(great parents)

Genetic predisposition probably has something to do with it (especially high sensitivity..the rare times when I was neglected or pressured were enough). Both my uncle and my grandfather are narcissists (the latter a diagnosed psychopathic one)...Could have something to do with that, not sure though.

Unstable, invalidating environment from the time I was born. Parents were split up before my mom got pregnant with me. Lots of moving around, poverty early on. Mom remarried but she was depressed and neglected us. Spent most of my time at friend's houses but they were also chaotic and abusive. Didn't really feel wanted or like I belonged anywhere. Got too clingy with friends or anyone I perceived could rescue me. Very close, intense friendships that sometimes turned abusive/bullying. Felt very unsure of myself, extremely insecure, didn't feel accepted or loved by anyone. Sexual abuse made me feel deeply ashamed, and fundamentally flawed. It was shaming. Later on when I got older I kept getting involved with abusive Cluster B guys, drug users, guys who hit me, etc. I couldn't stand to be alone.

I think I'm finally in recovery a little bit. At least I learned how to be alone and am enjoying the peace for a change, instead of frantically looking for some asshole to abuse me, like I always did before. I'm starting to be nicer to myself.