Afraid I'll be replaced

My best friend (and the person who I admire and put on a pedestal) is going to an event tomorrow without me. Typically we've gone to the types of events these are together. It is hurting me badly not to have been invited by the person who organized it.

It isn't even that I want to go to the event. I just constantly fear that someone else will replace me as my best friend's 'person' and it is rare for an event like this to come up where we both aren't going, so this is hard for me. Especially since the people going are closer in age to her (we are far apart in ages but it seems to have only strenghtened our relationship). I love to be the person she relies on and counts on for having a good time, for help with things, for advice. In my head, tomorrow she will spend the day with all of these people who she will have a great time with and she won't need me as much.

I will have a day of thinking about how great a day she is having with them and not be able to have a normal day myself. Later when she calls me, I'll be distant because even if I try to hide it, I can't. But I don't want her to know why I'm being distant, so I'll say 'I'm okay.' Then I will regret having been blah on the phone and immediately text her/email her something sweet so she knows I'm okay. Feeling frustrated is one thing, but then having her think I am is a whole other, and I don't want that. I've overanalyzed when there are delays in text responses, and worry that I said or did something wrong when really, I'm more polite and kind to her than anyone else. I'm constantly afraid of losing her as my person and of being her person even when there is no reason fo rme to feel that way.

I've thought about saying "I really wish I was going tomorrow" but I don't want to make her feel bad for going without me. At the same time, its hard for me to act normal and get excited for her going when I feel like she'll be having a great time without me. Somehow, it feels better to sulk tomorrow then to have a normal day. Yet I'll feel lousy anyway, but just can't bring myself not to think about the fact that she's at the event and I'm not.

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with these irrational feelings of being replaced?

Based on my observations over the years, I think most people require or at least strongly prefer having a larger social circle with a lot of variety in it, basically different people who can relate to different parts of the person and their different experiences. So chances are, this has nothing at all to do with you being replaced in any way. But rather, it's likely that your friend considers you special and important due to the unique things about you, but for this even she needs some time with and attention from people who have different things in common with her (such as her age). This need or desire for variety seems to be somewhat normal.

I am not like that and so I don't really relate to it. I tend to latch onto just one person at a time very closely. I think at most in my life I've only ever had 3 friends at a time, but it seems like even then there has always been one central person. It's to the point where if I don't have that one close person in my life, I'd rather just spend my time alone than go out socializing just for the sake of it.

So because it's hard for me to relate to the average person in this regard, I could see myself feeling a bit ruffled if that one close person started spending time with others. This is especially true because I think I tend to subconsciously select that one close person based on a perception that they're a bit of a loner like me. I guess in my mind if it works out between us, then there is less likelihood that I'll have to share them so much, and if they prefer it that way, too, then I won't have to feel guilty about it. So to go from that to them being a social butterfly, especially, could ruffle me up a bit.

My advice to you, though, is basically the same self-talk I'd give myself in such a situation. Remember that most people, even if we might not feel the same way, require or strongly prefer to have a lot of variety to meet their various different social needs. For them, they don't have their "one special person" in their mind. They have a lot of people with whom they share different, unique bonds. So it's not going to occur to them to "replace" you, because they typically don't even view the relationship the same way. It's more about how we tend to view relationships and what it means to us, and the sometimes painful fact that we don't view a relationship with someone the way they view it.

But that's okay. It doesn't mean they love or like us any less than they did yesterday.

at times its ok to be replaced. i used to think of my friends as guardians. i still wish that they'd call and adore me but they dont. they have moved on. i wouldnt want them to hang on to me just for the sake of it, or in the name of pity.

my friends are entitled to have other friends. my caretaker would make me feel sorry for her and now i often have anger for her. she would try to emotionally blackmail me. even i would do that with my friends.

i've realized that if i stay in touch with my friends or make them hang out with me just for the sake of it, then there is a chance that i am tarnishing the nice memories we once had together.

being your own best friend is helpful.