BPD and work

Hi, I've recently been diagnosed with bpd, over the last year I've taken a lot of time off work, some days I just can't face having to see people and people seeing me, the thought of leaving the house makes me anxious. some days I'm just so exhausted I can't get out of bed. They have changed my medication around and I've suffered with withdrawal as I reduced my dose rapidly so I could change meds. I've told work but I don't feel like they fully understand. I love my job and I'm terrified of being sacked. I guess I just feel lost, I feel like I'm letting people down and I get paranoid in work that people must talk about me because I'm off a lot. Does anyone else have similar feelings?

punky_pixie,

Yes, I completely understand how you are feeling because I do the same thing (take a lot of time off work) and feel the same way (anxious, exhausted).

Have you looked into taking short term disability alongside FMLA? If you have a psych doc/therapist that you have been working with, you might want to inquire. My counselor brought this up to me and I considered it, but right now I'm going to continue the battle, but at least I know it is there in case I need it.

Please know that there are others out here that share your struggle. Take care!

Thanks for your reply. It's comforting to know that people feel the same. I too feel I want to continue the battle as I love my job, and when I'm there I enjoy being there. Just some days I just can't get there. My family stress at me telling me I'm going to lose my job and although work seem to be accepting at the minute I worry there is going to come a time where they say my disorder affects my work. I will keep powering on though. Thanks

I can relate. During my last permanent job - little over a year ago - I was a total effing train wreck most of the time. Customer service was an essential part of my job, which I absolutely hated. Maintaining fake smile 6 to 8 hours a day and making small talk with the most boring people on Earth almost made me lose it. As a result I took frequent sick leaves, allowed a #######4 doctor to prescribe me SSRIs that made me a total zombie, and eventually started going to work baked just to endure. Soon after I quit and used the money to pay for a road trip in the US.

Now I'm obliged to look for a job again, but it'll have to be part-time. I have to start light.

I know exactly what you mean. This is why i am self employed. Some days i just cant be in a crowd, and early in the morning, not a chance. I could maybe pull through for a few days in a row when i feel like this, but not more.

If you love your job, do you think there is any possibility to bring up your issues with your boss? Maybe you could figure out a schedule that works better for you, or to work alone. Especially since you are fully diagnosed.

Thanks for your replies. I've had this week off work and I'm feeling a bit better in myself. I'm going to go back to work next week and have a talk with my boss. X

I personally love my job (usually) and would have trouble coping without it. And not likely I will lose my job any time soon...

I love my job too, i constantly need to work, otherwise i would drive myself crazy. Except for the periods when i get really depressed, then its real tough.

I love where I work but I do not love my job, I'm a front desk person so complaints are usually extremely overwhelming but my bosses are the most amazing people and I love working for them, they know I have BPD/Bipolar although we do not have enough people to where I can call out if I'm feeling bad but I only work 3 days a week on the slower days. I hope they hire someone soon so I can go back to 1-2 days a week my therapist quite often suggests I get on disability but I just can't deal with government BS.

I tried it and it's a huge headache I'd rather just take my Xanax and suck it up than have the state tell me what I am to do with my mental health problems because here in PA if your on mental illness disability you are forced to do group sessions in settings that may or may not even be related to your mental illness for example I was mandated to go to 2 depression groups a week which I have no history of depression so thought that was effin stupid. I have agoraphobia as well so this was just asking way to much of me, because I wasn't going to quit my job I just wanted partial disability so a job on top of these stupid classes plus a new psychiatrist and them telling me I can't continue to see my psychotherapist if I come to them was a load of crap I wasn't willing to smell.

If I had the means I'd live in the middle of nowhere, farm and live off the land. But I don't know s*** about any of that so tis but a dream.

I know the feeling, I often get very anxious right before work and have called in or considered it many times, claiming illness. It's a real pain. Usually stems from knowing I'll have to interact with a lot of people that day, and I just feel really broken that day and don't want to interact with anyone. Or that I'll have to be dealing with someone's problems, and my problems feel to great to deal with someone else's petty problems.