Just diagnosed

Hi guys, I am new here and I was diagnosed with bpd just the past week. Well... the problem is I don't really see this diagnose in me and I know you're not a professionals, but maybe you could help me out to get a clearer picture of how the illness can look like.
I visited my shrink, because I've been having anxiety issues and dealt with very intense and frequent panic attacks followed by strong and long lasting feelings of derealization. I completely lost my ability to deal with fears and anxieties a single disturbing newspaper article can give me panic attack. Anyway I try to stay as calm as I can, I know it's not ideal, but I try to deal with this. I was diagnosed with unspecified anxiety disorder and also borderline personality. Which is... kinda weird.
Can anyone tell me how many of the aspects of the disorder you have to show to be diagnosed? Or which are the most visible ones most the bpd types show?

Hi Inis hope you find the forum useful

Someone correct me if i am wrong, but i think its 5 out of 9 symptoms. There is no one size fits all, people deal with different stuff really, but from what i noticed in past me, and others, the most common issues are abandonment issues, push/pull relationship behavior and self harm.

Again, the symptoms are much more complex and entangled than just this, so there is no black and white really. IMO the diagnosis is just a label and what you need to focus on are the symptoms that bother you.

Im-pure wrote:Hi Inis hope you find the forum useful

Someone correct me if i am wrong, but i think its 5 out of 9 symptoms. There is no one size fits all, people deal with different stuff really, but from what i noticed in past me, and others, the most common issues are abandonment issues, push/pull relationship behavior and self harm.

Again, the symptoms are much more complex and entangled than just this, so there is no black and white really. IMO the diagnosis is just a label and what you need to focus on are the symptoms that bother you.

Thank you. I don't think I have abandonment issues, at least can't really think of any. I grew up without my father, but I've never known him and other members of my family raised me in very kind and caring enviroment. I don't know about the push/pull relationships, I had complicated relationship for about 2 years, but I am usually nice and friendly with people ... hmmmm... although I do fear rejection, I think that's why I always try to be nice at everyone. I used to self harm as a teen, nothing serious though, I self harmed once as an adult when I got really strong panic attack, but expect on that I haven't done it for years.
Anyway thanks for your help. I don't know maybe I just can't see it and am wrong about it.

Hi Inis. I used to have really bad panic attacks also. I think its related to BPD, its because BPDs feel emotions very intensely, so something that would cause just mild anxiety in most people, could cause extreme panic in a BPD.

As Im Pure said you have to meet at least 5 of the criteria. You have mentioned a few already, the self harm, the derealization, fearing rejection is related to having abandonment issues, and some mood issues. It could be you are high functioning or not a very severe form of BPD.

With most BPDs I think, the disorder manifests most devastatingly in their interpersonal relationships. BPDs have a very hard time with closeness and with maintaining a stable relationship. They fluctuate between idealizing and then devaluing their partners, hence the instability. If you don't relate to this, I would question the BPD diagnosis as well. Not diagnosing you, just stating an opinion.

justagirl00 wrote:Hi Inis. I used to have really bad panic attacks also. I think its related to BPD, its because BPDs feel emotions very intensely, so something that would cause just mild anxiety in most people, could cause extreme panic in a BPD.

As Im Pure said you have to meet at least 5 of the criteria. You have mentioned a few already, the self harm, the derealization, fearing rejection is related to having abandonment issues, and some mood issues. It could be you are high functioning or not a very severe form of BPD.

With most BPDs I think, the disorder manifests most devastatingly in their interpersonal relationships. BPDs have a very hard time with closeness and with maintaining a stable relationship. They fluctuate between idealizing and then devaluing their partners, hence the instability. If you don't relate to this, I would question the BPD diagnosis as well. Not diagnosing you, just stating an opinion.

no, I do not relate to devaluation and idealization relationship pattern. I mean... I only had one relationship so far and I think it was my partner who was emotionally manipulative, which was also the reason for a several break-ups and then my heart being too soft to not feeling responsible for his feelings. I've never felt any such strong emotions toward my ex partner, only the feeling of being sorry for him got me getting back together with him and I've never experienced such a strong emotions with anyone really... What makes me to doubt my diagnose the most is also the emotional impulsivity and anger... for sure I am not the book case of a stable controled person, I have my issues, but i've never felt like I can't deal with my emotions to the pathological degree. My emotions are strong and real and all of that... I only know where's the line when it's okay to express them and where the line ends. I know when saying this or that is still socially acceptable and when it's no longer god to show it. But I don't know, I've noticed a lot BPDs can be quite good at covering up the symptoms infront of the people. Anyway, I've never been relationship dependant and have pretty good sense of self dignity and I'd never do anything to harm myself when it comes to the way I express myself, or the way other people see me.

I think that regardless of which disorder is on the table, the higher functioning you are, the easier it is to have your issues overlooked. It's sort of sadly ironic, I guess, that the better you manage to do, the more likely you are to 'pay for it' by having your suffering and struggles overlooked. So I think it's always important to pay just as much (if not more) attention to what you experience and not just make a checklist of "things I've screwed up."

For example if a person experiences a lot of intense anger a lot of the time, but somehow manages through sheer will and self-stifling to never get into any physical brawls, then a question like, "Have you ever been in physical fights?" can completely overlook the issue. The person's answer would be "no" but that doesn't mean that they're not struggling with frequent intense, sudden bouts of rage. It just means that they somehow managed to restrain themselves and try to hide it. But are they less deserving of a proper diagnosis and treatment than the person who is less able or willing to focus so hard on restraint and does have a history of physical fights? I think both are equally deserving of proper diagnosis and treatment.

Regardless of whatever "labels" I wind up getting eventually, one thing I have realized so far in therapy is that I am often so good at hiding my emotions and presenting facades, and do it so automatically, that I have probably qualified for such "labels" for a very long time, but was too covert and hellbent on being so. I rarely made it "obvious enough" to cause people to come rushing in to the rescue or anything.

Like I notice that you say you've only had one relationship so far. While you acknowledge that it was dysfunctional with several break ups, strong emotions in you leading to you being manipulated, etc - you defend your doubt about BPD by saying you've only that one relationship. I'm not meaning to make this sound accusatory but only trying to offer up a possibility to consider: My relationships have also mostly been very chaotic and dysfunctional with many breakups. However I haven't had a serious relationship in years now. I don't really think that means I don't have problems anymore, but rather that I at some point I just started avoiding dating in order to avoid the problems. So for me to say "I haven't had a crazy, unstable romance in years" would be kind of misleading, since it is also true that I haven't had a serious romance in years, hehe.

I also don't think having BPD means that you must be storming around the city punching in windows and swearing at everyone /s. Most articles I've read (not to even mention the comments below them) seem really melodramatic and demonizing of BPD (which probably makes sense from the angle that there are a lot of NPD exes out there of BPDs ha, so the devaluation is probably just as intense coming as it is going). But as with all mental illness and disorders, the most extreme cases possible get painted onto everyone as though it's the norm. I think sometimes people are 'less interested' in the average case of a disorder because it's not as "sensational" and paints a more empathetic, human picture, which requires more complex understanding and effort. Even classic Narcs at the end of the day are still human and suffering at their cores.

I for one think that if you have BPD even though you don't frequently trip balls all over the place, that it's important for you to represent, to show that it's a spectrum, and also so that people more severe on the spectrum can see what progress can look like, what things can look like well before they are "totally cured" or whatever.

Just my 2 cents opinion.

Welcome to the asylum.

Before I start, let me just say this: this is what I went through. I'm not saying that this necessarily applies in your case. When I was first diagnosed, I thought it meant I might qualify for dual citizenship; I had never heard of BPD before. After being given a little reading list, I went through the books and started to watch.

At first, I'll be honest - I didn't believe I had BPD. I read the books, knew the symptoms and didn't believe they applied to me in the least. I've been in more relationships than you have, but not by many. If I qualify as having "many" sexual partners, the human race is in some serious trouble.

The problem was that, as time went by, I'd catch myself doing something and think "oh yeah, that's in the book." More often, I'd be saying that until, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I had no choice but to accept the reality of it. Part of it was not wanting to believe that I was "crazy," and a big part was not fully understanding the symptoms and how they related to daily life.

As CopperMoon said, when you're high functioning (as I was classed), it makes it that much more difficult, because many of the symptoms are masked, at least outwardly. In the beginning, I'd be going back to my psychiatrist, asking him "I did ____. Would that qualify or not?" I genuinely didn't know, but more often than not, the answer was yes.

My suggestion, as difficult as it may be to hear the answer, is to ask your doc how he/she came to the conclusion that you have BPD. Let your doc know that you're not really understanding the symptoms and how they relate to you. After all, if you don't understand the symptoms, you'll never know what it is you need to learn to cope with.

I say that it may be difficult because your doc may provide examples that may be uncomfortable to hear. Just be warned.