How do you explain it to someone?

I'm not really good at relationships. I'm very charismatic and making friends isn't a problem for me... The problem is them getting too close and me having a fear they'll leave. You know the deal. So I only let a few people close because I don't want to ruin every relationship I have.

Anyway, I've known someone for a while now. Long story short, he told me that I confuse him. "One minute you act like you care about me and the next you put me down" and I feel terrible about that because I really do like him and he makes me feel safe but scared all at the same time. I told him I have BPD but never really elaborated. I don't want to make that my excuse though and I don't want to run to him and feel weak.

Do you guys have advice in a situation like this? Should I just leave it be and walk away?

If he makes u happy then maybe u should try.

When I met my boyfriend I was very guarded I didn't want to make anything official and I told him that he wouldn't want to date me because I'm crazy. He really didn't understand what I meant and I had no better way at the time to explain what was going on with me because I didn't find out I had BPD until we were dating for over a year. Now that I know what I have I am able to explain it a little bit better but I personally think that BPD is very difficult to explain and no one but a borderline can really relate or fully understand what goes on with this disorder.

So with all that being said I think it is important to elaborate on the disorder with someone you want to date and let them know that couples therapy with a psychotherapist might have to be a requirement if things get really rough. It's hard to tell you exactly what to say because every borderline goes through it differently so here's what I would say if I started over with my boyfriend...

I have a disorder called Borderline Personality which greatly affects my romantic relationships and first and foremost nothing I say that is hurtful should be taken personally, I know that is difficult to understand but please try to accept that I do not mean any harm and I am trying so hard to keep this as minimal/non- existent as possible. I really like you a lot you make me feel so good and spending time with you brings me such joy, but I won't always act that way until I have figured out how to manage the BPD, which could take years. Certain things trigger this for me i.e. you talking to another female or working late many nights ect. (whatever your triggers may be just figure them out so you can help your partner to help you) make me feel like I might not be good enough for you and you will leave me for this female, or die on your way home from work. The best way for you as my partner to slow me down is to reassure me everything is okay and that you won't leave me, that you will drive safe and wear your seatbelt,and hug me as much as possible, will you do that for me please?

If I could have said all that in the beginning of my relationship we probably would have had less drama but the thing is my boyfriend is still here for me 2 years later and I'm still full blown BPD he reassures me A LOT! And he is very sweet about it he doesn't mind doing this because he loves me and he knows that I'm hurting and it does not have anything to do with him. The main problem in people not knowing how to deal with borderlines is that they take our actions and words personally! So please be very clear with him that it isn't him you would act this way towards anyone you would be dating, it's just a part of being BPD. Someone who is loving and caring will go through this with you. I think it's worth a shot if you really like this person don't let them slip away because you have BPD.