Suicidal Thoughts versus Urges (possible triggers)

What would you say are the differences between suicidal ideations and suicidal urges? This relates to me filling out my DBT diary card, but any and all input is appreciated. I think about suicide pretty regularly. When I become critical of/grossed out with my body I'm triggered and have thoughts of specific suicides I could commit. Then sometimes I start to really fantasize or role play these scenarios. Then other times it really calms me down to say to myself "If things don't get better just put a gun in your mouth and kill yourself." I don't know where one becomes the other. I don't want to be a drama queen about my thoughts, but I don't want to be overly stoic either.

leeds to judgment

If you are daydreaming about killing or harming yourself, this is ideation. If you think "I'm gonna do it." Or you have urges to do it RIGHT NOW, this is an urge.

Rainbow191292 wrote:If you are daydreaming about killing or harming yourself, this is ideation. If you think "I'm gonna do it." Or you have urges to do it RIGHT NOW, this is an urge.

THIS

Suicideal ideation is something that... I honestly don't know when it will go away (for me). It's something that has been there as long as I can remember- "Oh if I drive really really fast what would happen?" "This knife is so sharp- I bet it could *mod edit*"

Suidal *drive*- is something that scares me. When I start to think "I'm so worthless I should just XXXXXX" or "God you're so f*cking useless you would save people trouble if you just XXXXX"

There's a difference. One of them- suppress. Ignore. Learn to think better things- No I don't want to drive fast because I want to get where I'm going and see my friends. No I don't want to cut because look at this delicious food waiting to be cooked.

The other one- that is when you ask for help. From family, from friends, from a 1-800 number. That is when you say hey I can't do it myself- please please stop me. Because that is the illness winning, not YOU. And- at the very least. As a LAST RESORT- tap into your stubbornness. Do you want to know that your BPD/Depression/whatever the heck won? Do you want to die knowing that this horrid illness claimed your life? Because it's a real illness and... you are actively fighting it. So ask for help when it becomes too much.

I say this as someone who has (miraculously) survived 4 suicide attempts. I no longer want to die. I spend time hating myself, but I know that it's my illness. I don't control what mental illness I'm given by fate or genetics or circumstance- but I can work my hardest to overcome it.

I would seek help in either circumstance. One can lrad to planned suicide, the other impulsive suicide.

If you are daydreaming about killing or harming yourself, this is ideation. If you think "I'm gonna do it." Or you have urges to do it RIGHT NOW, this is an urge.

-That's a lot clearer and way more simple than I'm making this. Sometimes the two seem to blur together -I just need to be mindful of the place where where vague appeal becomes explicit desire. It's tricky but such is life I suppose.

Suicideal ideation is something that... I honestly don't know when it will go away (for me). It's something that has been there as long as I can remember- "Oh if I drive really really fast what would happen?" "This knife is so sharp- *mod edit*"

-Seriously. My therapist has been trying to get me out of the habit of comparing myself to "other people", but I can't help but wonder; how often are "other people" preoccupied with *mod edit- burning*, or seeing *mod edit*, or whatever? In reviewing this thread I have realized that I've either made SOME progress with accepting and letting go of these thoughts before they become urges. 'Still having a LOT of graphic death-thoughts though.

Guys, just a friendly reminder to please keep graphic descriptions of self harm out of posts- even with a trigger warning, and to keep discussions about "methods" generalised.

One reason is that graphic descriptions is not allowed, but the other is that having graphic descriptions might mean that others find the post too triggering to reply to.

Thanks
Lily

I look at ideation as passive and urges as potentially active.

Maybe consider on a scale of 1-10 how active you are..... 1 being about to seriously attempt it. 10 being no where near it. You use it to gage both active and passive scores.

How are you finding the DBT?

I hope this isn't too graphic. If it is, Lily, feel free to censor me.

They are very different for me. My suicidal thoughts are more like daydreaming. It's happened the most when I'm severely depressed, as when I started and later came off my anti-depressant, but it's happened a few times outside of that. It's usually emotionless and oddly graphic. I used to have a long subway commute and just find myself imagining someone strangling me from behind and almost feeling something around my neck pulling me back or a gun firing at my head. It can get really realistic like I can feel it happening and I play the action again and again in my head. Oddly enough, it's not so much about suicide but about a horribly violent death.

I think I was preoccupied with shooting myself on an ex's doorstep for a while a long time ago and another time with stabbing myself to death at the place where another ex and I both worked right before his shift. It used to be very vengeful and I wanted to scar my ex-boyfriends because they had hurt me and I wanted them to see what they had done and for the memory of my dead body to be forever imprinted on their minds. Those were different kinds of suicidal thoughts that I experienced.

My urges are often when I'm highly emotional and during extreme moments when I would do anything to take the pain away. I have to be at my breaking point to have suicidal urges. I usually turn to drugs or cutting in those moments, although I've been trying to do distress tolerance.

I wonder if that resonates with anyone else. I find my suicidal thoughts extremely disturbing.

Both are actually quite rare for me and have come from breakups or medication changes mostly, although not always.

I don't think I could live with them every day. I truly feel for those who do.

Guys, just a friendly reminder to please keep graphic descriptions of self harm out of posts- even with a trigger warning, and to keep discussions about "methods" generalised.

One reason is that graphic descriptions is not allowed, but the other is that having graphic descriptions might mean that others find the post too triggering to reply to.

-Sorry about that.

Maybe consider on a scale of 1-10 how active you are..... 1 being about to seriously attempt it. 10 being no where near it. You use it to gage both active and passive scores.

How are you finding the DBT?

-That seems like a sound system. I'm definitely becoming better at plotting my feelings on a number line since beginning therapy, hehe. I like DBT. It feels very proactive and I've already found some of the skills I've learned helpful in the month I've been going. I was learning some skills from my therapist a bit before starting DBT "proper". I had a lot of trouble implementing them in my life but the addition of group has been a real help in that respect. Aside from the therapy model itself, every staff member involved, from my therapist to the two who run group, is very insightful and knowledgable. They also do a great job at keeping on track, being solution-oriented I guess. I'm very hopeful.