What & How Skills -Examples?

Sometimes I feel as though I've totally caught the meaning of something in DBT group/therapy. I leave having learned something with the potential to help me through the week, only to completely forget how to apply it. Last week (and so far this week) it is "What and How Skills" that I'm struggling with. Particularly the "How" part. Can anyone provide any concrete examples of how they've applied these? I seem to be stuck on a loop of "Observe" and "Describe".

What: Observe, Describe, Participate

How: Non-Judgementally, One-Mindfully, Effectively

This is just my understanding, but the “how skills” are the approach you are supposed to take when using the “what” skills”. So when you are observing and describing, you are supposed to be doing it non-judgementally, one-mindfully and effectively. Does that make sense? It’s easier said than done and you might only be able to focus on one of those things at a time.

The best example I can give is if you were doing a mindfulness exercising focusing on your breath, you might be observing the thoughts, feelings and sensations in your body. Being non-judgemental just means that whatever thoughts, feelings or sensations that happen, you view them as neither good nor bad, but just as thoughts, feelings and sensations. So you don’t judge the experience, just observe it (or describe or participate in it).

One-mindfully just means that you are doing one thing and focusing your attention completely on that one activity. Not trying to do two things at once. If you were going to say, go for a one-mindful walk, you could maybe focus on the sensations in your feet. That would be the main focus, you acknowledge the things that distract you, then re-focus your attention back to your feet.

Effectively is probably a bit harder to describe. But in DBT the phrase being effective gets used a lot and it kind of just means “doing what works”. I’d have to go through my hand outs for that, but it kind of means doing whatever you have to in a given moment to achieve the outcome you need. It relates to things not being right or wrong, fair or unfair, but just how it is. An example might be that you feel completely justified that you are in the right, but your insistence on that fact and getting angry about it means you might lose/damage a friendship that you value. So being effective would be to use mindfulness, get to wise mind and work out what course of action is “being effective” in that instance for you as opposed to being right. Not biting off your nose to spite your face. It’s meaning will become more apparent as you go though.

Wow, I can’t believe I remembered that stuff. My therapist would be proud. Probably prouder if I could do it myself from day to day. Sometimes it’s hard to relate the formal practice stuff from the mindfulness module to it helping with how you process stuff. But the links will become clearer. It does take time though. If you have observe and describe down, then you are going well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASFpyVIoK6I

My therapist gave me a handout instructing me to do this as well, and I kind of don't really know how to apply them either.

I guess the "what" skills like observe and describe can be applied to when you start feeling bad, like observe how it feels in your body when something triggers you, and describe your emotions and thoughts about the trigger, as opposed to just reacting, eg: angrily, or whatever.

Great description, youneverreallyknow! Good job recalling all of that without looking at notes;)

This also might help. The "What" skills are what we DO to get from emotion mind to wise mind (observe, describe, participate), and the "How" skills are HOW we take control of our minds and get from emotion to wise mind (non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, effectively).

I also have trouble figuring out if I'm using the Observe and Describe in my daily life. I have found myself saying "he looks mad" and realizing I am using judgment to describe someone's facial expression. I try again and tell myself, "he is right-lipped, has a frown and his face is red," which could mean he is mad, or maybe he just has to go to the bathroom. By removing the judgment and changing my description, I'm more able to take control of my mind and stay out of emotion mind. It's much easier to deal with someone that has to go than someone who is mad at me, which will trigger emotions like fear and sadness. So anyway, it's all about staying in wise mind and away from emotion mind.

Wow, I can’t believe I remembered that stuff. My therapist would be proud. Probably prouder if I could do it myself from day to day. Sometimes it’s hard to relate the formal practice stuff from the mindfulness module to it helping with how you process stuff. But the links will become clearer. It does take time though. If you have observe and describe down, then you are going well.

-Yeah, well done! Thank you.

I guess the "what" skills like observe and describe can be applied to when you start feeling bad, like observe how it feels in your body when something triggers you, and describe your emotions and thoughts about the trigger, as opposed to just reacting, eg: angrily, or whatever.

-Right. Still super hard for me yet. I find myself most often applying Observer and describe when I'm about to do something which triggers anxiety. For instance I go to welding school, so I'm often totally worried about having an off day, or not being able to produce quality work. If I get into my booth and breathe, let go of my judgements, explain where I am at to myself, and proceed to slowly but deliberately get my area set up, I feel a lot better. And do a lot better as well.

This also might help. The "What" skills are what we DO to get from emotion mind to wise mind (observe, describe, participate), and the "How" skills are HOW we take control of our minds and get from emotion to wise mind (non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, effectively).

-Yes that does help, thank you.