Stuck in a neverending depression... need attention.

Just incredibly lonely, bereft, angry, empty, bored out of my mind... Feeling angry at the few friends I have for not wanting to get together with me often enough. Struggling to keep it all to myself. I want to lash out at people for not responding promptly. If only they knew how much it bothered me, but there's no way for me to tell them without coming across as "crazy". I just don't get people.

I feel like I just can't do this modern "adult" life thing all alone. It all seems so repetitive and pointless, like Sisyphus rolling a rock up a hill. I see everyone else around me moving around at 100 mph doing a million things, but they all seem boring to me. I just can't relate to other people anymore. I don't know how to make myself into a normal person that enjoys the trivialities of life. I want passion. But nobody else seems to have any. They just go to work and follow their routines day after day. Somehow that's supposed to be enough for someone to want to keep living.

I don't know exactly what I want, just someone to talk to me I guess. Just give me some attention or something. I need something to distract me from thinking about suicide all the time.

Hey frostfern, how would you define passion? For example, i find passion in work and some of my hobbies (i dont have many, though).

................

I want passion.

..that is an inside job though...

The adult world? Hmmmm....lol it's a myth.

frostfern...do you spend a lot of time online talking to people?

it can cause some of the things you're experiencing

you develop a need for instant gratification/response...and life becomes dull by comparison

have you tried just stop using the internet and your phone...like for a decent period of time...like a few weeks or month even?

I think it is worth trying. you may find it solves your problem

you need to disconnect...in order to reconnect with life

Hey Frostfern,

I don't go on here as much anymore but I've felt similar things that you've mentioned. I think its important to try and find new people to hang out with. I know, sounds impossible. I thought that too until I heard about the website Meetup.com Have you ever tried it? If not, at least check out the site. You can find people locally that are interested in things from careers, arts, music, politics, food, fitness, socializing, singles, movies, etc. EVERYTHING! I've also joined a depression group on there too. And if you don't want anyone seeing the group you've joined, you can hide that. You should check it out!

frostfern wrote:Just incredibly lonely, bereft, angry, empty, bored out of my mind... Feeling angry at the few friends I have for not wanting to get together with me often enough. Struggling to keep it all to myself. I want to lash out at people for not responding promptly. If only they knew how much it bothered me, but there's no way for me to tell them without coming across as "crazy". I just don't get people.

I feel like I just can't do this modern "adult" life thing all alone. It all seems so repetitive and pointless, like Sisyphus rolling a rock up a hill. I see everyone else around me moving around at 100 mph doing a million things, but they all seem boring to me. I just can't relate to other people anymore. I don't know how to make myself into a normal person that enjoys the trivialities of life. I want passion. But nobody else seems to have any. They just go to work and follow their routines day after day. Somehow that's supposed to be enough for someone to want to keep living.

I don't know exactly what I want, just someone to talk to me I guess. Just give me some attention or something. I need something to distract me from thinking about suicide all the time.

Oh my god I totally relate to this and they sound like my thoughts. Have you tried antidepressants?

crystal_richardson_ wrote:frostfern...do you spend a lot of time online talking to people?

it can cause some of the things you're experiencing

you develop a need for instant gratification/response...and life becomes dull by comparison

have you tried just stop using the internet and your phone...like for a decent period of time...like a few weeks or month even?

I think it is worth trying. you may find it solves your problem

you need to disconnect...in order to reconnect with life

If I get rid of the internet I have nothing. I'd like to be able to get together with people face-to-face but it's not possible because everyone's always "busy". I interpret "busy" to mean they prioritize other things and don't really give a $#%^ about me. I manage to get together with someone less than once a week. I really don't like large group dynamics. Groups are stressful and often the interaction is not very deep. I find most people I meet IRL boring. That's why the internet is all I have. I'd be totally alone without it. It's so damn hard to find similar-minded people out in the world.

-- Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:06 am --

ElKahn wrote:Oh my god I totally relate to this and they sound like my thoughts. Have you tried antidepressants?

I know it sounds really depressing, but I'm already on a high dose. I've tried pretty much everything. What I'm on now obviously isn't working or I've just built up tolerance to any positive effect. Depression is my primary illness. BPD traits seem secondary. The more depressed I become the more needy and irritable I get. They call it "agitated depression". I just get very stormy and intolerant.

hmmm

what do you mean by deep exactly? like intimate?

that sort of interaction is usually reserved for people in developed long-term relationships (i.e. friends, but REAL friends not some random person off your fb list lol)

maybe your problem is your expectations are incompatible with the more typical progression of friendships.

you want intimacy right away, and you want it specifically rather than it being a natural by-product of going through certain life stages together with someone.

like childhood friends, if we don't lose them in adulthood, tend to be very deep and rewarding, but they are not forced; they didn't begin as a mutual desire for intimacy...at the age they began the people may not have even been conscious of such a need or even having it....but it's met later as the relationship goes through subsequent life.

but you want to cut right to the chase...

I suggest you put yourself in situations, or engineer such situations yourself, that will lead to some kind of unique or profound event that can create this special connection which subsequently leads to the sorts of relationships you're looking for.

I leave it to your imagination...but it is a necessary step...you can't force intimacy. deep relationships are built on special shared experiences or commonalities realized that make someone not interchangeable, someone who becomes an important part of our life and who we are.

it is also necessary that you know who you are, that you have a stable sense of self.

frostfern wrote:I find most people I meet IRL boring

crystal_richardson_ wrote:what do you mean by deep exactly? like intimate?

that sort of interaction is usually reserved for people in developed long-term relationships (i.e. friends, but REAL friends not some random person off your fb list lol)

maybe your problem is your expectations are incompatible with the more typical progression of friendships.

you want intimacy right away, and you want it specifically rather than it being a natural by-product of going through certain life stages together with someone.

like childhood friends, if we don't lose them in adulthood, tend to be very deep and rewarding, but they are not forced; they didn't begin as a mutual desire for intimacy...at the age they began the people may not have even been conscious of such a need or even having it....but it's met later as the relationship goes through subsequent life.

but you want to cut right to the chase...

I too am doing this. And I believe Crystal is right.
Sounds like an introvert + lack of boundaries.

I just wanted to say that I understand, I don't have a solution.