Stuck in a neverending depression... need attention.

I would pursue such friendships as they are really rewarding...but I have other priorities unfortunately not by choice really

crystal_richardson_ wrote:hmmm

what do you mean by deep exactly? like intimate?

that sort of interaction is usually reserved for people in developed long-term relationships (i.e. friends, but REAL friends not some random person off your fb list lol)

maybe your problem is your expectations are incompatible with the more typical progression of friendships.

I think it's more like the friends I have made IRL either aren't the intimate type, or have too many things going on in their lives. I'm 34, most people my age either have families and/or are constantly busy with work.

you want intimacy right away, and you want it specifically rather than it being a natural by-product of going through certain life stages together with someone.

Which basically means you're screwed if you move. You can't go through intimate stages of life over and over again each time you move to a new location.

like childhood friends, if we don't lose them in adulthood, tend to be very deep and rewarding, but they are not forced; they didn't begin as a mutual desire for intimacy...at the age they began the people may not have even been conscious of such a need or even having it....but it's met later as the relationship goes through subsequent life.

That's because in childhood there's such a thing as unstructured time. Unstructured social time doesn't exist once you reach a certain age. With most people the idea of "getting together" is doing some stereotypical planned activity, like seeing a movie or eating out. You have to get in your car and battle traffic to go somewhere. There's never time to just relax together.

but you want to cut right to the chase...

I suggest you put yourself in situations, or engineer such situations yourself, that will lead to some kind of unique or profound event that can create this special connection which subsequently leads to the sorts of relationships you're looking for.

I leave it to your imagination...but it is a necessary step...you can't force intimacy. deep relationships are built on special shared experiences or commonalities realized that make someone not interchangeable, someone who becomes an important part of our life and who we are.

it is also necessary that you know who you are, that you have a stable sense of self.

People don't make time for those kinds of experiences. As I said before, they're too busy with their damn work and chores. It's like they don't have any inner life.

Well I can't disagree with any of that lol

Ya, modern societies just suck for relationships.

period.

everything is too fast-paced and you are right there is no unstructured time...

I think many people wouldn't even know what to do with themselves even if they had unstructured time, because they've been so conditioned by and accustomed to excessive structure.

it's altered their inner life/world.

I think it's good thing that you recognize the need though. many people just give up on the sort of thing you're talking about in adulthood.

actually, even myself, I am just recently learning how to relax, basically apply some of these ideas...

hmmm...well if it's a facet of modern life...have you considered going somewhere else in the world where people are more relaxed and where unstructured time takes up the majority of the day even for adults?

some traditional communities are much like this. there is great value on living itself, rather than this obsessive future-orientation we live in.

maybe take some friends if they are interested...and show them a different way to live.

however, you must insist they bring no cameras and not take pictures...because that future-orients the moment they should be experiencing in the present and enjoying your time together

right...your friends are busy.

maybe find some people who have a desire to live differently/elsewhere and go with them?

make sure your reasons are in line/compatible...

look the bottom line is you need to do something drastic if you want to end this depression.

you can't just fiddle with pills or try some cognitive trick from mindfulness therapy whatever

you need to change your surroundings, you need to change your life in fundamental ways.

don't buy into that crap that it's a chemical imbalance. our society is unnatural sh*thole that if people aren't swallowed by it they are at least constantly fighting on a daily basis...and hence never really living.

that's how I got out of a several years long depression...I dropped everyone and pursued a completely different life and became a totally different person

you have to take that leap, or you will stay in your depressive, albeit safe and familiar, bubble until you die either from suicide or old age.

it's up to you.

-- Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:59 pm --

and no I am not trolling you...this is a genuine suggestion the merits of which you'll see if you think about it rationally

the rest depends on courage.

I agree. Every ounce of my being says something drastic has to happen for me to ever feel better. I just don't know what. I get tired of hearing the problem's all in my head, I just need more exercise, healthy eating, etc... all the simple mundane "solutions" that don't really work for my kind of depression. The reason I can't cope well with this world is something fundamental to my being as a person. It's not something that can be changed by adjusting brain chemicals. I might always have to tolerate some degree of dissatisfaction and emptiness, but the current level is sucking the life out of me. You know I recently heard they have to give zoo animals anti-depressants. Those small cages they put animals in are a form of torture. To me, life is a similar form of torture. I'm deprived of something. I feel like I've run out of socially acceptable coping mechanisms.

crystal_richardson_ wrote:that's how I got out of a several years long depression...I dropped everyone and pursued a completely different life and became a totally different person

Are you happier now?

What if you feel you are the kind of person that is constantly changing.
So, even if you changed your life, everything in it. You would soon face the same problem again.
Not saying that it should prevent anything. Dwelling on things most certainly doesn't help.

I think that you are smart that you reach out to others like this. And I thought that the support that you received here was good. But, as far as the friends IRL, even the best of friendships may undergo occasional strain. When that happens, do whatever you can to mend the relationship. Really, being willing to patch up differences is evidence that you’re becoming a mature adult......we really like hearing from you, frostfern. And, face facts, everyone has to buy out time for others...right?

WendyTorrance wrote:

crystal_richardson_ wrote:that's how I got out of a several years long depression...I dropped everyone and pursued a completely different life and became a totally different person

Are you happier now?

What if you feel you are the kind of person that is constantly changing.
So, even if you changed your life, everything in it. You would soon face the same problem again.
Not saying that it should prevent anything. Dwelling on things most certainly doesn't help.

to some extent I am that person.

I am happier in the sense I am not suicidally depressed. I can function, etc..

WendyTorrance wrote:

crystal_richardson_ wrote:that's how I got out of a several years long depression...I dropped everyone and pursued a completely different life and became a totally different person

Are you happier now?

What if you feel you are the kind of person that is constantly changing.
So, even if you changed your life, everything in it. You would soon face the same problem again.
Not saying that it should prevent anything. Dwelling on things most certainly doesn't help.

That may be true for you. I don't know if it's true for me. I don't think I'm a typical case of anything. I probably don't have typical BPD or typical Major Depressive Disorder. My own issue is not in the DSM. It just looks like it from the outside. From the inside it's really my inability to cope with modern life. I'm too sensitive for the typical way of existing. I also need more mental stimulation than the average person or I get unhappy. I need a worthwhile challenge, something to inspire me, or I just get stuck having no motivation for anything. Otherwise all I have is this deafening loneliness that follows me everywhere I go and doesn't let me fully focus on anything. I get bored so easily and that's my major downfall. I try to read a new book and find I can't do it. I just can't focus. Doing menial chores doesn't really help either. I'm just constantly waiting for one thing to end so I can hopefully find something better to do.