Drugs *TW if you hate drugs*

Most pwBPD that I know are heavily into drugs. I only do so a few times a month (aside from pot, adderal and caffeine, which are daily), but I have quite a few I'll partake. I ######6 love crazy drugs. If you don't, why? If you do, which and why?

pot - escapism at its finest.
mushrooms - The finest healing introspection I have found.
25i - There is no happier, more exciting and fascinating psychedelic in the known universe. They colors are wild, and sex on it is more amazing than X could ever dream of being.
DMT - I can't be sure if this is actually a portal to another world or if it is only in the head, but either way, the experience is the same. Who doesn't like dancing 4d shapes and extraterrestrial encounters?
Ayahuasca - I have a shaman friend. Those journeys cannot even be explained.
Mescaline/peyote - same as ayahuasca, just a different flavor.
Adderal - I have to overcome my procrastination somehow.
2ci- This is actually used experimentally in therapy. It lowers the barriers between the subconscious and the conscious. I deal with things I previously bottled up and enjoy the vivid colors. Also: sex.
Caffeine - All day; all night.
Alcohol - Meh. I could take it or leave it. It has more to do with flavor than anything else. I don't get drunk like I used to.
Oral or smoked opioids - Kidney stones; nuff said.
X - Get a oral on X just one time and I won't have to explain this to you.

Downsides: With how I moderately use, the only downsides are assholes that want to lock me in a cage for what I choose to do with my own body. So far none have gotten me. I suppose the come down can be a little frustrating on some.

Someone talked about this earlier and I made a post that was long. So I'll just repost it and tweak it a little.

I like drugs. I have some really interesting memories and experiences that I think are beneficial and happened while on drugs. I have poor impulse control and when someone offers me drugs I've never been able to say no. I rarely buy my own drugs, just do whatever's available and mooch. I haven't done anything more than a small bit of weed with someone else for a while. I have a bump that a dealer gave me and I haven't touched it. Partially because I'm switching meds and don't want to f*ck with my brain chemistry any more. But I've definitely mellowed out.

I'm much more of a hippie drug girl. I like being able to f*ck with my sensory experience or my perspective and mental perception of things. It's interesting to realize how malleable how you see the world is. It's funny that the most addictive substances weren't particularly interesting to me, given that drug abuse is often co-morbid with BPD. If I was to do a drug again it would probably be a hallucinogen because of the experience. I'm pretty much done with any hard drug and I've kind of separated myself from the crowd that does them (apparently not enough though as my friend's friend was the one who was meeting up with the dealer who gave me the bump). Probably molly again too, but not for a while because of figuring out meds and my last experience where I got super f*cked up. I loved being on molly, but on meds experimenting with drugs isn't all that smart. You probably shouldn't if you take prescription meds.

Alcohol: In excess makes me hump everything in sight or cry in a corner, depending on my mood beforehand. Drinking without binging makes me nice and social and giggly.

Weed: Makes me calm and happy in small amounts but when I'm moderately to really high I feel dumb as a rock and unable to control my brain and all I want is to be sober.

Nicotine: Didn't do much for me except make me nauseous. I smoked for the social aspects and because I have a bit of an oral fixation, but it was easy to quit.

Painkillers (oxy, vicodin): Didn't do much for me by themselves except knock me out but the only time I ever used them outside of using them to escape the pain of a couple weeks ago, I chased it with a bottle of wine and several beers so I was going to be really f*cked up either way and couldn't tell what was what.

Shrooms: Loved them so much. I had a euphoric experience with only mild, not super scary hallucinations. I loved hallucinating.

Cocaine: Didn't do too much for me. Made me hyper. Felt a lot like taking adderall. I enjoyed the feeling but not enough to start an expensive habit.

Heroin: Also didn't do much for me. Made me sluggish and zoned out. But I also mixed it with potent weed and only did it once. I thank my lucky stars that the heroin addict I was seeing at the time dumped me before I could make a habit of it in my stupid young adult years. Wouldn't touch it again and regret even trying it.

MDMA/Ecstasy: My drug of choice over the years. Closest I've ever felt to happiness. Everything felt so good to touch, look at, smell, etc and I loved everything in that high state. My favorite high. The last time I did it, however, I overestimated it and had an absolutely awful night because I was so high I completely lost control. I finally talked to my friend about that time last week and she said I was sooooo f*cked up and acting really weirdly. It was pretty embarrassing. I didn't know molly could do that so I'm pretty weary of it now.

F*cking with your brain chemistry is a downside. I had my first insane/suicidal/intense emotion reaction after doing a bunch of molly. I think it was the come down depression. And the addition of alcohol. It was even a full month after the breakup I was reacting to but I lost it. You seriously need to be careful. Plus bad trips. And like I said before, if you're taking meds you need to make sure they don't interact. And when you're hallucinating you both need to be aware of how much you're doing and what environment you're in.

Be careful. Seriously. I advocate for mild drug use and dabbling actually because I think it can be enlightening to expand your perception of reality and experience, but it does have risks. Don't be stupid. An acquaintance for some stupid reason took 20 tabs of acid at once and was seriously f*cked up for like a year after...if not forever. I haven't seen him in a while. Smart kid who did a stupid thing. It was a shame. I love drugs, but I advocate for smart drug use. You're definitely overlooking the downsides and I'm not even talking about addiction. That in itself is a hell you could put yourself through.

Sadly i live in a world were others have to be comfortable to be around unique people, so i have to be medicated by Dr's. And i have to work for living so i cant' do any drugs that made me feel good about me being me.

I do not like drugs. The only thing I do rather than take my medicine (as directed), is drink alcohol. However, I hate it though because drinking alcohol seems to fix me a million times more than any medicine I have taken, but alcohol helps very much with my anxiety, depression, and emotions being all over the place.

alcohol helps very much with my anxiety, depression, and emotions being all over the place.

I don't recommend using anything addictive or statistically harmful to the body.

And i have to work for living so i cant' do any drugs that made me feel good about me being me.

I also work for a living, but I understand what you mean.

It's funny that the most addictive substances weren't particularly interesting to me, given that drug abuse is often co-morbid with BPD.

I also steer clear of anything hard. If something I do is potentially addictive, I typically do it less than once a year. In fact, I do that with all the hallucinogens except mushrooms. Mushrooms aren't particularly visual for me. It is extremely introspective. I feel like I can access my entire mind when I am on them. I am able to expose and heal things. I have grown an awful lot since I started it. Even so, once a month, absolute max. I believe in preparing and doing large doses very occasionally.

I think it can be enlightening to expand your perception of reality and experience, but it does have risks. Don't be stupid.

I said the way I go about it has few downsides. I didn't say it wasn't risky. I am extremely careful with dosing, environment, general health, preparation (particularly with hallucinogens), frequency and a very specific set of rules to not get in out of control situations or deal with cops. I am fully cognizant of the risks and I accept them. I have been doing this for 16 years. I haven't ###$ myself over yet. I got close a couple of times and learned some serious lessons.

The psychiatrist took me off meds a year ago because of my vast improvement. They were considering putting it as a previous diagnosis (they never ######6 do that) until this most recent episode. They still go on and on about my growth though.

I loathe anything that messes with perception or warps reality. Red wine is nice though...and coolers at the beach...but otherwise? no thanks.

Love me some pot. It is a good escape.

I love weed. I smoked it for one year then stopped for external factors, but now I'm officially ready to smoke some more, at least for a while, to escape pain.

Planning on starting to smoke again as soon as classes in college start again. I know people there who can provide me with that stuff.

I used to drink alcohol but I can't do it anymore now for some reason. I've never liked the taste though, I just did it to get heavily drunk.

Caffeine? I love it, but don't abuse it

Nicotine? Yes, please. I smoke cigarettes and couldn't live without them. I panic if I don't smoke everyday. I panic if I don't smoke when I get the urge to.

I occasionally obsess over trying cocaine and heroin, but I'm a bit scared of them. Maybe I should stop romanticizing those kinds of drugs. I think it's dangerous to mess with them.

I wouldn't try shrooms or LSD because I wouldn't be comfortable with the possibility of seeing things and having a very distorted visual perception or whatever.