Do people with BPD have many crushes?

I have been like this all through my life. I tend to have crushes on many people at once but when I am in a relationship I don't and do not cheat on them...

So I was wondering if this is a symptom or something that goes along with bpd that is just not talked about? Or is it just me personally?

I'm a big believer in pw BPD or BPD traits are prone to limerence (read this thread for more on this topic:

borderline-personality/topic112390.html)

which is what is often described as a crush - intense feelings of love/infatuation - obsessional intrusive thinking about the love object.


My theory is that this is because pw BPD/BPD traits feel empty inside and are constantly looking for a person with stronger boundaries/more remote to provide them with strength and meaning.

Or to put it another way, on a fundamental level (even if superficially disguised by feelings of grandiosity) feel that they are worthless, and need to generate worth by being seen with/being attached to a person they see as being of note. This leads to obsessive thinking about the love object because you get so high when you are with them.

Add to this the common NPD/BPD attraction and the on/off games a p w NPD can play, and you have a recipe for a red hot flaming crush.

So yes. I think it is a particular feature of BPD-ness. Limerence/crush is what most pw BPD take for being in love.

i agree with PamHef.

but i also think this might be because of a fear of abandonment. i'm a bit flirty but not sure why. i've been thinking about it a lot and it may be the need to have "replacements" around you.

if you lose your boyfriend you know five other guys you could have if you wanted. i love my boyfriend and would never cheat. but still, this happens.

that's my theory.

I think PamHef is spot on. Provided its the right personality type, I'm very quick to become infatuated with someone and have that intense want for them, which is exactly what I'm looking for so I can rid myself of the heavy emptiness I feel when I'm not yearning for something. Inevitably, the void is never permanently filled in the end, which creates the cycle of needing to find those intense feelings again.

Nope.

While I can have multiple sexual partners while in a relationship, I tend not to have "floaters" or "backups". I'm sexually non-monogamous, but romantically monogamous. I've often had lovers while being in relationships and while I'm affectionate with them and like them as people, it's never romantic and I don't plan on establishing any kind of romantic relationship with them if my current relationship ends. I've also attended sex parties while in a relationship, which is definitely a way of having sexual experiences without romantic connection. I have a high sex drive, love to f*ck, and believe in sexual variety and exploration, but only have eyes for my significant other in terms of emotional connection. I've been told I'm an atypical BPD person in this way though.

I also don't really "crush", per se . I don't often have feelings unless they are returned in some fashion. Hence why I haven't had the whole NPD/BPD relationship thing. I need my romantic partner to generally be into me all the time and very dedicated to me. I think it's in part the sense of security. That's my way of dealing with the fear of abandonment. I choose partners who are smitten by me or who find me incredibly attractive or sexually fulfilling or a number of other traits. I need to have "best you've ever had" status, usually in terms of looks or sexual ability in order to enter into a relationship. Hence, I've dated a lot of guys who I could idealize in certain ways but physically I was out of their league.

Blahhhh now I've triggered myself with thoughts about my ex who is brilliant, worshiped me sexually and physically, and is incredibly attractive. It's hard to find all of that in one package- intelligent, ok with non-monogamy, physically very attractive, and worships/adores me.

Has anyone referred to you as a player?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyUX33Nnpfg

I know the original lyric is f*ck but this is the version I remember listening to on the radio.

i'm a male bpd and I have always had lots of crushes going on at the same time. I can think of 7 right off the bat, but there are more on the back-burner if I care to think back a few years. My exW would get really jealous of me. If she sees a pillow in my car she gets really suspicious, even though I was just using it to take a nap in the car on my lunch break. I have a main crush that has lasted a few years and she totally gets that I adore her and she is super hot. Other women see me hanging with her and then they start to hover around me too, I think this is triangulation, because I get new crushes when I'm hanging around my main.

Oh yes.

I’m not sure I can have a ‘normal’ crush on someone. It always spirals out of control to the point where I can think of nothing else. The main reason I started to see my therapist was because of limerence. Because with the last person, I was so infatuated that I even had to ask to move seats at work so I couldn’t see the top of her head all day, it was driving me mad and putting me off my work. My therapist says it is related to my BPD. I am very prone to favourite people and limerence is like that, just with an element of attraction. As other people have said, it’s to fill the emptiness. When I have limerence, thinking about them constantly stops me feeling nothing.

It’s almost always with co-workers, and they only usually end when the person leaves the company. I then basically fall apart for a while- I guess this is because of the abandonment feelings it brings up.

My current one is less intense than the last few. Sometimes I think it’s really nothing, and then she smiles at me and my head is like ‘OMG I love you, I want to be with you, you will fix all my problems’.

Yes!!!!

kah80 wrote:I was so infatuated that I even had to ask to move seats at work so I couldn’t see the top of her head all day, it was driving me mad and putting me off my work.

You asked to be moved? i would have gobbled it up.

It was too painful.