Feeling blank

Inspired by the bucket list thread. I have no bucket list. I have no hopes, dreams, or goals right now. I've never felt this way before in my life, but it's an awful feeling. I feel like life has no meaning and I'm just going through the motions waiting for it to be over. I don't know how to get out of this. Nothing appeals to me. Nothing makes me happy. I just feel blah about everything. Can anyone relate to this? I don't know how to change it. I've felt this way for about 6 mos- 1 yr now and I don't see anything changing.

That's a long time of feeling like this...im sorry to hear it, i do know living just to survive is a very bad feeling. I used to feel like this alot, and even now i have my days. Are you busy with anything in your life? What do you think triggered this feeling in the first place?

Hugs <3 <3

I can definitely relate. I'm in the same place now and feel like I've been there about 12 months too. For me, it feels like there is nothing that I want out of life. No purpose or meaning to it. There are just distractions and another day to be endured. Even with lots of work, distraction, being generally busy, the feeling is still there. It is exhausting feeling like that.

I can see with myself how I've arrived at that point. For me it's not one single thing rather years of depression, but is there something that has changed in your life prior to this feeling that could have contributed?

I used to feel that way for a long time. At this point it would be most of my life. I would have ups and downs but even during the times I felt better still had a nagging depression just under it all.

********TW******
I used to be addicted to various street drugs. Even though I put a tw I wont say what they were as even mentioning this could be a trigger to someone who is still in the early stages of recovery. I tried to numb the hopelessness and the pain it caused with alcolhol and drugs. Didn't work out all that well and when I came down the problems were still there and only felt worse. I have a total of 23 years clean, one relapse where I blew through almost 10k in 3 and a 1/2 months. It was all our savings. At the end of it I was worse than ever and tried to kill myself. Ended up in the ICU and came very close to dying.
*******end tw******

Now I am better than I have ever been in my life. After 6 or 7 therapists and 4 different psychiatrists, I finally found the right combination of a highly skilled T and psych drs and meds and now I rarely have those feelings or thoughts. Haven't been hospitalized in over a year and a half which is a first for me.

I read a lot in the forums and it seems like a lot of people are against meds. But there's a lot of options and combinations that can work. I do not feel like a zombie either. But it's also not for everyone, for me though, they work.

I guess ultimately I never gave up. It was frustrating and painful but I never gave up and I am no longer a victim of these issues that have plagued me for so long. I still have my days but they don't last or hang around.

I tell you all this so you know help is a available and things can start to look up more and more if you try and put the effort into it.

Now I have a Masters degree in education and have been a very successful high school history teacher.

It can happen. It's up to you. Something is causing you to feel this way, in my opinion, not a doctor or anything like that, just a good bit of experience. And I beleive when it comes to dealing with issues, whatever they may be--if you don't deal with it, it will deal with you.

There is hope. I hope you start feeling better and find some hope.

Firelamb

Thank you all for your replies. I do know why I'm feeling this way now. I have suffered tremendous losses over the past year and a half. I lost both parents and went through a difficult divorce. Since the loss of my parents, the rest of my family has fallen apart. I pretty much have no family support at all. There are no more family get togethers on holidays or summer weekends. Other than my children and one sister I have no one. I have no close friends, no boyfriend or any prospect of having one. I have not even been a date since my separation and divorce.

I spent 18+ yrs in a bad marriage with someone who was emotionally abusive and did not care about me. The focus of my life was getting out of that marriage. It was not easy. I had three children and no way to support them on my own. I always had hope that one day I would get out and I would be happy. I had that as a goal, I had hopes and dreams. Now, ironically, since I did manage to get out I have nothing to focus on to distract me from the crushing loneliness. I do not know how to make friends or feel ok around people. I feel like an alien most of the time. I don't understand or relate to most people I meet.

firelamb67, thank you for sharing your story. Honestly, I frequently feel like they only thing keeping me from turning to drugs or seriously considering suicide is my children who need me.

I haven't felt excited about anything in a long time. I can't even get involved in hobbies to distract myself because I just don't care about anything that much.

You're welcome. Just keep in mind suicide is a very permanent solution to a very temporary problem. Hug on those kids and feel the love they have for you. I know that's helping you hang on but also remember if you do it, you will scar them for life and there might be a chance they would blame themselves and the viscous cycle continues. Break the cycle.

If I was there i'd give you a hug. Could getting your kids involved in something where you have to help or be involved my slowly help you finfd joy? To me kids are magical in that way. There's nothing better than hearing the laugh of a child. Their innocence is precious they can be contagious and I just had a thought, your kids maybe older, like teens. Ugh. Sorry if I was off the mark.

Go to a play ground, listen and watch. Sometimes i'll ask the church near my house, has a school, if I can come watch the kids play. I only stay about 15-20mins. I don't do it very often cuz I don't want them to think I am a perv.

I hope you can find a way to break out of it. I can sympathize completely. Keep writing. Stay present and looks for things, even little things that might make help you out.

Take care,
Firelamb