WHAT DOES SHE DO TO PEOPLE

Greetings, I am new here, and boy am I thankful for this forum.

I have a question maybe someone can answer. My daughter is 18.
From childhood she never had a friend she would keep. This blew me away because I am the complete opposite. I befriend everyone walking down my road in life. All my childhood friends are still my friends. I get new ones all the time. So this is tough for me to understand. I have never said it to her, but as my brother said once "It is HER. It's not other people. It is her".

Well, thank goodness she is bright and does well academically. Very well in fact. That has always come easy to her. She is almost done her highschool. College is coming. She also works part time, and that is when she started making friends.

Well, she got invited to a prom. That was great. She was thrilled as she never went to a dance or anyhting. She had real nice friends from school. Really good girls. Well, she told me she hated them for being stupid because all the cool girls were laughing at them, and they were stupid to not see this.

Fine. Always way judgemental too of everyone else. Condescending to people including me as I am not educated. I've told her my street smarts helped me to survive, and she was rude for talking down to people.

Here's my BIGGIE. She and prom boy fall in love. It's whirlwind, and stuff only young people feel or have. Love they say. Well, she did come to me, and told me she was having sex with him. She has been on the pil for a few years now for other medical reasons, but was still smart enough to use a barrier method also. I wasn't jumpinf for joy about this, but they're young people.

Well, she also works with the boy, and they were inseperable for about two months. Here we go. He never broke up with her, but kept blowing her off. She would not take that. She wanted answers. She tortured this kid like crazy. The whole bit like we need to talk, and he'd say "I'm with Fred right now I can't".

Lesson number one: Most eighteen year old guys are in it for the sex. Not all I know, but they can't help it. So, after that day I mean she was like a stalker. He did finally come over, and talked to her. Told her he didn't want a steady girlfriend and had family stuff. Now I am old so I know that means "I'm outtta here, Sister".

Fast forward a few weeks, and a really adorable guy she works with asks her out. Nice kid. I know his aunts. Curfew. I enforce it. With this guy she turned off her cell, and he turned off his. I call their home, and get an answeringmachine. 1:30 in the morning my kid comes home. Grounded. Well, about a week later the boy asks if she'd like to go to a movie. I did talk to this boy, and he gave me BS. Whatever. Well, she came in from the movie, and I could see something was wrong. She just went into the scarriest cry, and moan I ever heard, and held onto me asking "Mom what is wrong with me?" It was awful. He ignored her in the movie. The same guy kissed her for four hours the last week now wouldn't put his arm around her. Well, that dude hot ironed his hair anyway.

It gets worse in worse to the point she had a date. I asked my ex husband to come around so this guy would see a male prescence. He comes over, and she's all excited. Gives me phone numbers, and the entire bit. Well, the dude is now a half hour late. I did tell her here is where ya call him, and say forget it.

God forbid. No, she wants to go. He calls and says he is getting a car. Oh-KAY. Well, about a half hour later up pulls a very expensive car with FIVE guys in it. Three of which had to be grown men. She was going to get in this convertibel with five guys she does not know. I said NO NO NO. I'm a mean, biotch of a mom. Well, fine because I care about you.

Now it's a friend of prom boy, and hot iron boy. It's a inter-related group these kids. She WALKED a MILE in the RAIN to go to this boys house. I gave her an hour. She had a fit, and I say "Tough, Sister". The guy never walked her home. I went half way to meedt her, and all is well UNTIL the dreaded next day. They had plans. He called and said he was cancelling. Some lame excuse, but promised to get together today.

Well, folks you guessed it. No call, no voicemail answering. Against my advice she went to his house. No answer. Disappeared. Now she is beside herself again. Tears. I wanna just kill myself. I see her take her cell outside. I told her NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! The kid didn't bother to call just ditch it. Then she gets on the computer on SPYSPACE we call it in my house, and there he is on there. I glance as I walk by and I ask who is she IMing? HIM. I slammed the computer off, and told her to get the hell to bed. The kid didn't even call you. You are NEEDY. They HATE needy.

I absolutely think she has this Borderline Personality Disorder. Impulsiveness, and low-self esteem. She's attracting bad guys now, and is desperate.

I know from myself and friends that being physically pretty means nada. Although in that age group I guess it does. I do not brag ever, but she is very pretty, intelligent, funny, but moody BAD, and clingy.

I need to know what the hell people DO to have these guys only have intrest for one or two dates. She didn't sleep with anyone but the first guy. Phew on that one.

I did get her an appointment for therapy. It's next week. She has had some horrendous things happen to her that any little kid would have not handled like she did as a kid.

What though in the span of one date does she say or do? This goes with females too. She has a wall up, and has always been detached. It boggles my mind, but this is my child, and I need to help her.

Sorry for the long post. It was a vent too. Thanks in advance anyone can help. Hoping all things are going well for everyone else.

that sounded nearly exactly like me. . . nearly, when i started reading it i actually worried for a second that it was from my moher. just be thankful that none of the guys have been too horrid to her.
i'm 18, a sophmore in college, pretty together academically, considered attractive by most, but i have always been nearly friendless. i didn't put up walls, you can go around or climb over a wall, i box myself in.
her actions are probably a result of the "horrendous things happen to her that any little kid would have not handled like she did as a kid." don't give up on her yet, by that i mean don't give up on her and guys yet.
someone like us just needs overly sensative guys who can deal with our irradic behavior and help us through it. don't worry too much if her boyfriends are a few years older than her, from my experience the majority of high school guys are a**holes who want nothing other than to get in a girls pants, but some of the a few years older guys know how to use their brains and want something more lasting than one or two dates.
if things happened when she was little she really needs to find somebody to support her. she is very lucky she has you, but she needs more. watch out for her like you are while she searches, nothing is worse than re-victimization. she may hate the curfews, but they are much better than the alternative, and hopefully she never finds that out.
good luck, and keep supporting her


kaelynn

Thank you so much sweetie for your consideration, and help.

That's a great idea to have her join here also.

I PM'd you. You are a compassionate person, and i am so grateful

Know you are appreciated.

Maybe you are a bit too protective at sometimes (though some things give me the creeps as well). Finding out about (bad) boys (or girls) is part of growing up, sooner or later she will get disappointed and hurt.

It may be better to help her live through difficult times and broken hearts then to try and keep her away from it all.

And I'd leave diagnosing to a professional and wait with therapy until there is proper diagnose.

drifting wrote:Maybe you are a bit too protective at sometimes (though some things give me the creeps as well). Finding out about (bad) boys (or girls) is part of growing up, sooner or later she will get disappointed and hurt.

It may be better to help her live through difficult times and broken hearts then to try and keep her away from it all.

And I'd leave diagnosing to a professional and wait with therapy until there is proper diagnose.

I'm definately "too protective" and have always been. That has to do with my own sexual assault as a child by a very trusted family friend. I know how in the blink of an eye some drunken, creep can encompass your entire world and effect the rest of your life. Until I had counseling, and stopped being a victim I didn't understand that. So, yes I have always been protective of my daughter. I was also raised by a policeman, and he in turn helped me raise my daughter. Seeing little kids tortured or worse tends to I think have police officers a bit more protective than others.

None of that is an excuse though. I'm trying my best to let her make her own way, and learn on her own.

I do though have a problem big time if she's in a stolen car with five men. I would be a negligent parent is I was to let a minor child just hop into a convertible with strangers. Just the fact the people out numbered the seat belts in the car was not a good thing.

Allowing mistakes is one thing, but allowing one girl in a car with five men over 21 of which she had given a number to just one of them and he was a stranger is out of line. I wouldn't hand her a firearm without training, and tell her to shoot it a few times, and learn from her mistakes. I wouldn't give her a automobile with no lessons, and tell her to go drive wherever she wanted to.

Actually, we had the counseling. There was no diagnosis. Just a "This is a good kid, and she's smart, and she knows what she is doing". I agree, but took issue with the handing out of phone numbers to strangers, and ready to go off with five men. The one Doctor said "Well, she isn't going to do that anymore. Are you?"
My daughter shook her head. I certainly felt way better after that.

I jest. I felt my parenting was underminded then. I can get fined if she misses a curfew so I can't imagine what would have happened if she had gotten locked up, and tossed in the hell hole we have in our city until she got arraigned. A neighbor knew two of the guys who were both 23, and supposed drug dealers. I don't doubt there were drugs in the car as well.

Again, in that instance I think as a parent I made the right choice. In others I know I have been way too protective. Being a heroin addict I stood in alleys in horrednous neighborhoods and right in line with me were kids from nice homes, and good families. I used to feel so awful for these kids. They were kids. In those alleys before school, and after if they even made it to school. I think me becoming an addict after never doing drugs in my life in my thirties threw even more of a wrench in being protective.

Thanks again all for the advic. I guess I can't even post in this section anymore as the Doctor gave no diagnosis. I asked, and she said "She's just a "normal" teenager". I asked why then already as school is just in two weeks that she is already having problems with the other girls at school, and again I was told some kids are like this.

Oh, well. That's a Doctor, and I'm just a parent.