Leaving Job In A Month Exhausted

will do....yes, sleep...

i regret this so much now. it's been ~10 years. n now i'm in similar job as the one i left 10 years ago.
there has been 0 insight, i still struggle with bpd issues. n now i have no career growth that i couldve had, had i not quit in 2014
what did i do!?

It's not always easy to perceive the career or personal or any kind of growth, it doesn't mean it's not happening. I've made so many weird choices in the past decade that I don't really know what to think about my life path, but I want to believe it leads to somewhere and my subconsciousness hopefully knows what it's doing.

The silliest job I ever had was giving out flyers in the middle of the night (2-3am) in front of a night club, the city was safe so I thought I should take the job. In other jobs I wore funny costumes while talking to customers (promotion), or occassionally worked in a bar in a dorm I lived in at the time. Afterwards I had some fancy jobs too, and more related to my studies, but these ones I remember the most and they also gave me the most stress. Whenever I think of mental health I connect it to my ability to function in a professional setting. These days it's okay, hopefully I can keep the continuity.

Iznahs wrote:The silliest job I ever had was giving out flyers in the middle of the night (2-3am) in front of a night club, the city was safe so I thought I should take the job. In other jobs I wore funny costumes while talking to customers (promotion), or occassionally worked in a bar in a dorm I lived in at the time. Afterwards I had some fancy jobs too, and more related to my studies, but these ones I remember the most and they also gave me the most stress. Whenever I think of mental health I connect it to my ability to function in a professional setting. These days it's okay, hopefully I can keep the continuity.

yeah.. such jobs sound glamorous but imo they're not
i mean i'm not demeaning them, but earlier i had pride that yeah look at me i'm taking the unconventional path.
there was some elitism in it.

now i realize the importance of stability. n avoid making haste decisions.

Iznahs wrote:It's not always easy to perceive the career or personal or any kind of growth, it doesn't mean it's not happening. I've made so many weird choices in the past decade that I don't really know what to think about my life path, but I want to believe it leads to somewhere and my subconsciousness hopefully knows what it's doing.

i hope it works out. i mean i hope all that leaving jobs midway, changing career path altogether helps somewhere.

we like to think: whatever happens, happens for the best. i dont think its always true.
i mean as much as i want to believe it was a good declsion, i dont want to glamorize my mistakes. idk...

jaus tail wrote:we like to think: whatever happens, happens for the best. i dont think its always true.
i mean as much as i want to believe it was a good declsion, i dont want to glamorize my mistakes. idk...

I think it happens for the best in the sense that it prepares us for the future similar situations. As for the unconventional paths, being conventional within the unconventional paths (or the oppposite) seems like not a bad idea to me.

i feel so sad. such a failure.
this bpd, impulsiveness, restlessness, boredom, disconnect with others-- this has ruined my life.. and as i grow older, i realize this is it. there is no redemption. no turning point. no light at end of tunnel.

the regrets of youth are still there...
the regrets only get clearer...

i have no career to be proud of
no fond memories to look back at
no friends with whom i can talk to good old days
no dreams
no one to dream a life with

i dont even like myself, so how can i make a friend.
people say they like me.

but i hate myself. i hate my existence n feel i'm a dirty person.
i'm just a puppet. no sense of identity.

a living corpse.
its a waste of life.

i dont enjoy anything.
gym, swimming, its all boring. any 'recreational' activity, i do it for the sake of it.
i cant shake bullies out of my head. i still feel them laughing at me.

i hate bpd.