i'm a bpd stalker with ptsd

im suffering from ptsd after the end of my relationship with someone who i suspect has npd. i haven't been diagnosed... i have agoraphobia and severe social anxiety. i have stalked every one of my boyfriends

i stalked my current ex boyfriend. he never told me to stop though and kept in contact. why?

ive read everything i have on the topic i cant seem to stop thinking about the relationship. i get rage attacks.

how do i come to terms with my abusive relationship? i havent spoken to him in months but the same tape repeats itself all day.

i fight texting him every week.

How would you feel if someone would stalk you? Like some greasy haired, bad breathed, annoying guy stalks you and asks you to be his girlfriend?

My advice is to see professionals. They're not all good...Some are terrible, in fact, but you need to keep trying so that you can get definite answers and start working through this stuff rather than battling it out alone with no tools but the internet. PTSD is tricky to diagnose and must be done so by a psych. You could be suffering from any number of conditions and if you don't know your "enemy", you can't fight them nearly as well.

It sounds like you definitely have a complex problem, which makes giving out advice over here a bit tricky, at least without detailed information about your symptoms and life history.

Other than that, have you considered the source of this desire to "stalk"? Does it arise from emptiness within? A lack of sense of self? Seeking security? Pleasure of the chase? Desperation in wanting everything to be "ok"? This would be a good start.

Does it have to do with lingering emotions that are hard to get rid of?

I have an ex who is a Narcissist. It baffles me but I have never had a harder time getting over
anyone. I dream about him all the time. I think about him. My OCD has carried over to thoughts
about him and writing him and trying to get him back. (I don't want him back; I was the one who
broke it off with him because he is a Narcissist and I realized he could never be here for me; there
were so many issues I had with him--countless) Besides I got back with my husband. But the emotional and sexual intensity we had made me feel for the first time in a long time.

I haven't really felt much as far as good feelings, except when I meditate or hang out with girlfriends. I am in a long numb stage. I have glimpses of light but I know I am in my head too much. It's the isolation that is hurting me. I know am isolating because I still feel shame over my cheating and because I am binging and am not comfortable with my body. Lack of self-love. The ocassional meditation is not enough, the running of my business is not enough. I want to express myself ina group and to an empathetic therapist.

For me the best way out is to get into recovery. See a therapist. I think getting professional help would
be good for you. For many women, getting over a Narc is particulary painful. Maybe its because there is
never really closure with a Narc. There is never empathy for you. They just move on like you never
existed. And you/me never did exist. THere is only him. And it will never change

Sorry you are going through this. Big hug

jaus tail wrote:How would you feel if someone would stalk you? Like some greasy haired, bad breathed, annoying guy stalks you and asks you to be his girlfriend?

ive been stalked, its not fun . im also a woman, a very attractive one. i think he likes the attention.

what people say is true, if you look like amelie it's ok and cute as long as its not violent, if youre ugly you get a restraining order.

-- Mon Feb 10, 2014 10:03 am --

Iloveandhatebrains wrote:My advice is to see professionals. They're not all good...Some are terrible, in fact, but you need to keep trying so that you can get definite answers and start working through this stuff rather than battling it out alone with no tools but the internet. PTSD is tricky to diagnose and must be done so by a psych. You could be suffering from any number of conditions and if you don't know your "enemy", you can't fight them nearly as well.

It sounds like you definitely have a complex problem, which makes giving out advice over here a bit tricky, at least without detailed information about your symptoms and life history.

Other than that, have you considered the source of this desire to "stalk"? Does it arise from emptiness within? A lack of sense of self? Seeking security? Pleasure of the chase? Desperation in wanting everything to be "ok"? This would be a good start.

i have abandonment issues and control ones, if he doesnt get back to me i get angry and ask where he is. theres a push adn pull dynamic that i hate. he ignores me and so i chase. i also get angry at his behavior so i yell and scream at him and send lots of messages

-- Mon Feb 10, 2014 10:03 am --

monkey66 wrote:Does it have to do with lingering emotions that are hard to get rid of?

I have an ex who is a Narcissist. It baffles me but I have never had a harder time getting over
anyone. I dream about him all the time. I think about him. My OCD has carried over to thoughts
about him and writing him and trying to get him back. (I don't want him back; I was the one who
broke it off with him because he is a Narcissist and I realized he could never be here for me; there
were so many issues I had with him--countless) Besides I got back with my husband. But the emotional and sexual intensity we had made me feel for the first time in a long time.

I haven't really felt much as far as good feelings, except when I meditate or hang out with girlfriends. I am in a long numb stage. I have glimpses of light but I know I am in my head too much. It's the isolation that is hurting me. I know am isolating because I still feel shame over my cheating and because I am binging and am not comfortable with my body. Lack of self-love. The ocassional meditation is not enough, the running of my business is not enough. I want to express myself ina group and to an empathetic therapist.

For me the best way out is to get into recovery. See a therapist. I think getting professional help would
be good for you. For many women, getting over a Narc is particulary painful. Maybe its because there is
never really closure with a Narc. There is never empathy for you. They just move on like you never
existed. And you/me never did exist. THere is only him. And it will never change

Sorry you are going through this. Big hug

thank you for the support i really needed to hear this. my therapist doesnt know it still bothers me

Iloveandhatebrains wrote:My advice is to see professionals. They're not all good...Some are terrible, in fact, but you need to keep trying so that you can get definite answers and start working through this stuff rather than battling it out alone with no tools but the internet. PTSD is tricky to diagnose and must be done so by a psych. You could be suffering from any number of conditions and if you don't know your "enemy", you can't fight them nearly as well.

It sounds like you definitely have a complex problem, which makes giving out advice over here a bit tricky, at least without detailed information about your symptoms and life history.

Other than that, have you considered the source of this desire to "stalk"? Does it arise from emptiness within? A lack of sense of self? Seeking security? Pleasure of the chase? Desperation in wanting everything to be "ok"? This would be a good start.

it also comes from a place of anger. by ignoring me you're almost denying my right to exist. i need to be acknowledged to exist. that gives the other person too much power in my life, thats why i stalk. i need everything to be ok. when i ask my friends or ring them more than what is appropriate, they always get back to me and tell me things are ok. then i stop. a npd doesnt care to validate and reassure me.

thats why it gets stalkerish. secure people woudlnt notice or if they do they will realise the other person might just be busy and get busy themselves. this comes from bpds fear of abandonment and lack of object constancy. if there is enough of a rapport or trust built i know the other person will come back and everything will be fine.

i dont know that with the npd because they will vanish and act strange.